John Candy is a Satanist? Re-Explained

Monsieur, I can prove the John Candy conspiracy right here and now. Out of order and off the top of my head. Are you ready.

John Candy was born on Halloween aka Devils Night and it resulted in his career being haunted. If you replace John Candy with Satan in half of his movies, the creative choices disturbingly make more sense. Cool Runnings is about Satan teaching his minions from the Hot Climate of Hell how to survive in Cold Climates. The fact that John Candy’s manager didn’t exist in real life is a reference to the fact that the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the word he doesn’t exist. In Who’s Harry Crumb? Jeffrey Jones was The Devil in Stay Tuned and he was in The Devil’s Advocate. The point of the movie is The Devil wears many disguises. In The Rescuers Down Under, the words Down Under refer to Way Down Under in Hell. Villain George C Scott was in The Changeling and The Exorcist III. In Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, the Albatross is an warning sign foreshadow of doom. The reason why John Candy played the albatross was the original voice actor died which should have tipped him off. John Candy and Eva Gabor both died in 1994. In Home Alone, Catherine O’Hara from the demonology film Beetlejuice, she stands in an airport crossroads and says “I would sell my soul to the Devil to get a ride home” then John Candy offers her a ride home in the most annoying polka van ever. The Devil makes contracts at the crossroads. In Delirous, John Candy wears a black suit like Satan, steps on a woman’s hands, then he dies and goes to Hell which is a simulation of the Soap Opera he works on and he can control the FATES of his costars with a magic typewriter like The Norns or the movie Stranger than Fiction. In Only the Lonely John Candy dates a Mortician Beautician and fantasizes about killing his mother. Why does he date a girl who works in the morgue? Because he is Satan. Little Shop of Horrors is based on the Greek Tragedy format of a man who sells his soul to the Devil Audrey II and the Three Fates are the Three Singers. Tisha Campbell is Skuld because she’s the only singer who had a future career in the film industry. In the original ending Rick Moranis sacrifices Audrey to the Plant foreshadowing the Death of his wife nearly a decade later. John Candy cameos in the Ghostbusters music video because he’s the Devil. Ghostbusters is a cursed movie because it has demons. The Third Ghostbuster representing the curse of Skuld Harold Ramis died after two films and Ivan Reitman died shortly after the release of Ghostbusters Afterlife. On the cover of Uncle Buck, Satan stands on one side of the door with a devilish smile and the family blocks the door to keep him out. I suppose like Vampires, Satan needs permission to enter your house. On the cover of Summer Rental, John Candy wears a Red Shirt like the Devil, his upside down water skis form an upside down crucifix, his eyes are black out and he wears a snake floating around his neck like Hekate. In the movie Rip Torn was in the movie Beastmaster with Three Witches signifying Three Fates and Richard Crenna was in Devil Dog Hound of Hell. In Splash, at the beginning of the movie Tom Hanks is stood up at his wedding. Satan aka John Candy shows up in a black and purple suit like the Devil and takes him to a bar laced entirely in Red like Hell and invites him to Norway to fuck hookers. The Three Norns are from Norway. Brewsters Millions is about Greed and it’s directed by Walter Hill who made the Greek Mythology film The Warriors and Hekate is a Greek Goddess. Satan aka John Candy possessed a Talking Horse in Hot to Trot. The movie costars Virginia Madsen from Candyman. In Planes Trains and Automobiles John Candy is dressed as the Devil for one shot. John Candy died a mysterious death during Wagons East. He called up Catherine O’Hara and told her he had a premonition before it happened. When his kids heard the news, a rock he gave them fell off the shelf and broke in half revealing a geode crystal, one last present from their father. Was John Candy secretly Satan reincarnated as a Normal Human Being so that he could have a life on earth with a Wife and Children that loved him. That’s all that Satan wanted, to be loved. And John Candy was universally loved by everyone that knew him.