Ah My Job Hunting Goddess: Fans Only aka A Dirty Shame Part 2 Screenplay

I've been seeing an immense amount of amateur porn popping up in my twitter feed (thank you @elonmusk) and it keeps inspiring me to make a brand new episode of Kevin Neece's Ah My Goddess. Twitter has become my Greek Muse and I'd like to run my Story Outline by everyone. I'm probably not really going to make this episode but I'll gladly post the Story Outline. @fujishimakosuke @warder2013 @aokiuhei @HideMatsubara @atmanbow_staff @DarkHorseComics @KodanshaManga

Ah My Goddess: Bad Goddess Fans Only

After the events of Ah My Job Hunting Goddess, Belldandy gets fired again when she gets caught giving her boss a blowjob in his office and it gets plastered all over the internet. Having fallen on hard times once again, Belldandy suddenly realizes that if Nekomi Japan so desperately wants to see her engage in dirty acts of debauchery, she should publicly open up her own Fans Only account so she can make money off of them.

Everyone in the Nekomi Gang immediately freaks out because they think they are going to get to see Belldandy make softcore porn only to discover that's she's just wearing the same one piece swimsuit as usual and playing with Kittens in her photos, dropping one liners like "Come look at my Pussy Photos" and then she spreads Four Kittens out on her bed and says "Come watch me spread my Pussy"

Belldandy's Fans Only Account goes Viral Overnight but fails to make money because her fanbase keeps beating off without paying for the subscriptions. But her newfound fame on Twitter has gotten the attention of Twitter's New CEO played by Johnny Knoxville's Ray Ray from John Waters A Dirty Shame.

Ray Ray has come to seduce and wine and dine Belldandy by giving her a Grand Tour of Twitter HQ, detailing how his secret plan is to encourage bored Amateur Housewives into freeing their sexuality by engaging in "the world's oldest profession" online so they can get a piece of the action on Fans Only.

At the end of the Tour, Belldandy turns Ray Ray down as she is loyal only to Keiichi, but then backtracks stating that performing Oral Sex on Ray Ray isn't cheating because Keiichi told her that "Eating ain't Cheating" when he got caught going down on Peorth. Thus implying that Belldandy gave Ray Ray a blowjob as a consolation prize.

Belldandy goes home in defeat, once again wondering how she is going to help Keiichi make ends meet, when suddenly, Urd bursts into the room all excited and announces that "You might be afraid to make Softcore Porn, but Fans Only just made me a Million Dollars! Excelsior!!!!"

Then Skuld interjects "You lucky slut. Why can't I open up my own Fans Only account?" to which Urd comments "because you would get everyone in Japan arrested and put on a Sex Offenders List" to which Skuld responds "What? You don't want to see me pull a Sting Operation on all of the Pedophiles in Japan? I bet Ah My Goddess Fans would pay full price Theater Admission to see a Stupid Plot like that."

The End.

I would hope that all of you would have the common sense to realize that this movie is not intended for the Woke Culture and Feminist Crowd, it is a Sex Comedy Satire about Fans Only and it's a sequel to an NC-17 John Waters movie called A DIRTY SHAME. In the movie, Johnny Knoxville plays a Sex Addict named Ray-Ray who starts his own Religious Cult that lives under the belief that Everyone on Planet Earth would be much happier if they were all Sex Addicts like Ray-Ray is. Kevin Neece isn't writing these jokes because he's sexist. He's doing it because it's true to the character that John Waters wrote and it's what John Waters might have done if A DIRTY SHAME had been a hit movie and resulted in a Real Sequel. These are the Sex Jokes that John Waters might have made if Fans Only had been a thing back when A DIRTY SHAME was in theaters. In all fairness, what did all of you think a sex comedy about Fans Only was going to read like when Kevin Neece fleshed out the dialogue when it's based on an NC-17 movie about Sex Addiction? I would advise everyone to read this all the way through to see where the message of the movie goes in the third act before passing judgment on Sexist Grounds.

Kevin Neece's Screenplay now has a completed first act pumping up the screenplay to 50 pages. What this means is that when Kevin Neece visualizes this screenplay with his usual Stock Animation on Bad Goddess, it is going to extend the film into a Feature Length Movie for Film Freeway which is exactly what he wanted from the very beginning. Right now the script looks fully completed but there are a few loose ends I need to think about before I lock it down. Ray Ray's Tour of the History of Sex Entertainers feels suspiciously too short, like it could use some more material to help pad things out and extend the runtime and right now I don't know what that is because what you see on paper is all of my knowledge on the subject matter.

I've also written an extensive role for Bruce Campbell as the Sex Psychiatrist because this may be the last chance I'll ever get to include him in my Ah My Goddess cartoons. I never know where my next great story idea is going to come from or if I even have anymore story ideas to keep the series going. I just take it day by day based on Social Media News Discussion Events like Matt Stone and Trey Parker do on South Park.

The Number One Rule for Bad Goddess, which is inspired by Spike Jonze's Being John Malkovich, is no matter how fucking stupid or crazy your plot sounds on paper, always take your story and discussion dialogue seriously as a heart attack because if you don't treat your film like there's a chance of it being greenlighted and officially produced, no producer in the Film Industry is going to take you by the hand and do the work for you.

You can laugh all you want at Kevin Neece's ideas, but when he has ideas, he usually goes out and makes the movie within a matter of months which is more than some of you can say. That's the joke. Kevin Neece's plot designs are so insane that one has to wonder how any of them ever got made and exist online. It's because he believes in his own story ideas. And that is how you make a movie happen.

AH MY JOB HUNTING GODDESS: FANS ONLY

aka A DIRTY SHAME PART 2

written by Kevin Neece

FADE IN:

EXT. TARHIKI-HONGAN TEMPLE - TARDIS - DAY

CUT TO:

INT. TARDIS - DAY

JOHN WATERS is DOCTOR WHAT providing the film introduction.

JOHN WATERS DOCTOR WHAT:

The following film that you are about to see is an Update to Modern Times Sequel to the NC-17 film A Dirty Shame which originally bombed at the box office and destroyed John Waters career. Kevin Neece's sequel does not take place within the same Campy Cartoonish universe that John Waters original film does. John Waters film was a Fantasy where all of the Sexual Fetishes presented onscreen jokingly didn't feel like Sexual Fetishes at all. As the old saying goes, now matter how talents you are as a Director, eventually somewhere down the road in your career, someone younger than you is always going to come along and attempt to dethrone you with something even more extreme than what you made, and that is exactly what Kevin Neece has done with Ah My Job Hunting Goddess: Fans Only. He's intentionally written the film to upgrade all of the Raunchy Sex Jokes into a real NC-17 movie that's a hundred times more perverse than what John Waters originally intended. What Kevin Neece didn't realize during the writing process of this movie, is that John Waters A Dirty Shame was never meant to be an NC-17 movie in the first place. What the MPAA did to John Waters completely destroyed his films chances at the box office and he never made another film afterwards. Everybody who showed up to see the movie believed that A Dirty Shame was going to be a return to form like the Obscene Nature of Pink Flamingos which has successfully been offending audiences for multiple generations. And because of Johnny Knoxville's involvement, they believed that A Dirty Shame was going to be even more extreme going in with the NC-17 rating applied to the movie. Instead the movie they got was just as tame and goofy as all of the other films that John Waters released into theaters during the late 1980s and 1990s. There is a reason why John Waters stopped making NC-17 films with Divine, even though they were the starting basis for his film career. Every time somebody watched Pink Flamingos and Female Trouble because they were fans of Hairspray and Cry-Baby, they wound up calling the police and John Waters and his Film Crew were taken to court on Obscenity Charges, during which they pled guilty and took the jail time so that they would receive less time and time off for good behavior. We are deeply sorry if it looks to all of you like John Waters sold out to Hollywood later down the road in his career but you can only serve so much Jail Time before you begin to question what you are doing with your life. Kevin Neece's Universe is completely different from John Waters universe. It is a Meta Satire that comments on Modern Day Social Media News events and the extensive dialogue discussions are existential to the point that they will have you tearing out your hair and feeling like you are trapped watching a screenplay that was rescued from the garbage from Quentin Tarantino's kitchen. And that's what makes Kevin Neece's satire such a tribute to John Waters movies. Because it is a work of Trash, and if Kevin Neece did his job correctly there should be something hidden within this movie to offend everybody. We're not trying to appease the Feminist Crowd here. We're trying to make a Satire about Elon Musk's Twitter and a Porn Website called Fans Only that is a Sequel to an NC-17 film about Sex Addiction. What did you all believe the dialogue in this movie is going to read like once the story outline got fleshed out on paper. Having said that, nobody in the history of cinema has ever had the guts to make a sequel to a John Waters movie, much less a film that got slapped with an NC-17 rating. Luckily for Kevin Neece, the MPAA doesn't bother to apply ratings to pirated fan films so there is nothing they can do to try and censor his film. This time, Ray Ray and A Dirty Shame have been adapted as a true NC-17 Sex Comedy All the Way. If Fans Only had existed back during the production of the Original Film, we would like to believe that these are the Sex Jokes that John Waters himself might have made to comment on it. Enjoy the film.

CUT TO:

EXT. TWITTER HQ BUILDING - DAY

CUT TO:

INT. TWITTER HQ CONTROL ROOM - DAY

MARA:

Ray Ray! We have an Emergency on Fans Only! There's this Black Girl online, and she hasn't gotten any twitter followers. She's complaining that everyone is jerking off to her photos without paying for the subscriptions, and some of the boys are making fun of her because she's a plus size woman with a sizeable waist and Nipples that are being compared to Silver Dollars! She's thinking of pulling out and calling it all in because they are laughing at her! What are we going to do? She's not the only one on Twitter who suffers from depression and self depreciation about her physical looks. An attack on one of us is an attack on all of us and if we stand back and allow her to take the fall, when is it going to end? This could be the start of an online Twitter epidemic. What are we going to do?

RAY-RAY:

Oh this won't do. This won't do. Draw up her file and clue me in on her situation right now. What is her online activity showing?

MARA:

She's flirting with this guy on the Twitternet, but he's hesitant towards her advances. We think he's trolling her and treating the situation like a joke. We've looked up his file and this man is an incel who has never had a girlfriend in his life. The world of free internet tube pornography is all he's ever known. He's never even signed up for a porn website with his mother's credit card.

RAY RAY starts to pray.

RAY-RAY:

Goddess of Fate and Destiny, Hear my Plea! Lo as the Seven Suns Rise and Set over the Next Three Cycles! Grant me the Courage to Set this Woman's Path to the Crossroads of Fans Only and Fulfill her Deepest Sexual Wishes and Desires! Ayer Avage Aloren Asmodeus Aken! Asmodeus! Demon of Infidelity and Sexual Desire! Demon Supporter and Online Influencer of Pornography, I invoke thee to do my bidding! Strike my sword and set my path to victory Asmodeus! For it is time! Patch me into his Feed! I am ready!

MARA:

Patching in to his feed now!

RAY-RAY:

Son, this is Elon Musk from Twitter Blue HQ. We've been monitoring your interactions online and noticed that you were about to back out of a sure thing. Are you really sure you've thought things through?

JUSTIN LONG:

I was just flirting with her and teasing her! Have you seen the size of her ass! I feel like I've become the victim of online mis-advertising!

RAY-RAY:

All Right Son, listen to me! Just as Water can be worth more than Gold in the Sahara Desert, in the Great Jungles and Deserts of Africa, Strong Black Men with Huge Throbbing Cocks Champion and Desire one Treasure above all else that they domain, a Curvy Black Princess with a BIG ASS! I'm talking one sexy ass Mama Jamba! A Queen who doesn't wear bite marks on her tush for nothing! And this girl you're talking to online! She's got one! She's been blessed by the Fates with all the Goods, and not just the ones you see on the outside! But inside too! Deep between her legs! She may have curves, but underneath those curves, there layeth the sweetest black pussy that could ever ride your cock to victory! Sweet as sugar, taste to touch, like golden honey in your mouth, and wet to the tongue! If I were in your position, I would dive face first into that golden snatch, and let Sugar Bear shoot the Sex Video, because Sugar Bear can't get enough of that Golden Crisp, it's got the sweet honey touch!

JUSTIN LONG:

Are you saying that I should seriously meet up with her?

RAY-RAY:

I'm saying you should take the first step by paying for her Fans Only subscription. Treat her like a Black Princess, and respect her like your future Queen. Flirt with her. Tease her. Mutually Masturbate to her videos. Get to know her like she's your favorite stripper and when you tip her with your ones, make sure to throw coins at her and make it hail. And most of all, share her with the world because Long Distance Guilt Free Open Relationship Sex are the Best Relationships. Do this, and when the Mountain is ready to Approach the Mole Hill, the Mole Hill will come riding cross country to the Mountain and spread her vaginal flower all over you as she rides your face like a cowboy leaving you wanting more and more! All you have to do is take that first step and reach out to her, and like a row of dominoes, FATE will do the rest!

JUSTIN LONG:

I'm sorry! I know I'm a coward but I can't do this! I can't sign up for Fans Only on my mother's credit card! It's wrong! I'll just have to jerk off to Redtube!

RAY-RAY:

Stop! Stop right there! Listen to me! You don't want to do that. Redtube is a Piracy Website that steals Content from Sex Entertainers and Sex Workers and does not pay them online royalties. And it's illegal for you to post direct links to the videos online. When you jerk off to Redtube, you're supporting Dirty Pirates and Bootleggers who steal money from Women! When you use Redtube, you might as well be beating those Hookers and stealing directly from their purses! But when you sign up for a Subscription with Fans Only, you are helping and supporting Amateur Sex Workers everywhere for the Price of a Starbucks. Now how hard is that? Cheap sex videos for the price of a Starbucks. Fans Only proves that anybody with a Pussy can earn a living if they engage in the world's oldest profession. If more women learned to take enjoyment from sucking dick, the world would be a better place. Wait. Hello? Hello? Fuck! The little coward bitch hung up on us. Lock Down his Twitter Account for No Reason and Blacklist Him Immediately! It's time to move forward with Plan B!

MARA:

Oh no. That poor girl and her fragile bruised ego. Whatever are we going to do? This is going to be a black mark on the resume of online sluts everywhere.

RAY-RAY:

Listen to me! Listen to me! Everybody stop what you're doing! Fans Only is not about who's the most beautiful! It's not about who is the thinnest! It's not about who has the most perfect tits or who has the most curves! It's not about how young they are, or how old they've become because Age Makes Fools of us all and Mature Women need sex too! Fans Only is about sexual equality among women! Beauty and Sexiness comes in all forms shapes and sizes and these single women who believe that they don't have what it takes because they don't match up to some photo-shopped rendered image in a Hustler Magazine need to know that they are loved and desired inside and out for the Inner Sex Goddesses that they are! Fans Only doesn't just belong to the Hookers and the Playmates! That was never the Endgame for what this was about! Fans Only belongs to all of the Bored Housewives and College Geeks of the World! There is a reason why Prostitution and Pornography are the World's Oldest Profession! It's because the Format Works and it always has! It's what separates the Women from the Men and gives Women power over us all! Just look at Mia Khalifa! She got her start working behind a Food Counter and now she's the considered to be the sexiest woman on the internet! But Mia Khalifa never had to take that road to be Beautiful! When she was approached at that Food Counter, she took a chance on those porn producers because she had Braveness in her Heart, and Confidence in her Looks! She broke Taboos against Muslim Culture and stood up to Death Threats for her Art! And all of you can too! 

MARA:

But Ray Ray, what more can we do? We're just a rag tag gang of computer programmers and coders and website designers who sit on our asses all day masturbating to porn and playing God of War online! Even if we're amateur pornographers, that doesn't change freedom of choice, freedom of desire, and free will! We may be Twitter Programmers but we're NOT GODS!

RAY-RAY:

We don't have to play God in the Machine to be Guardian Sex Angels to the World! Not when we have the Yggdrasil System on our side! We just have to be Brave! Man the Defenses! Pump up the Twitter Algorithms! Pull the Switch on the Sonic Oscillator and Engage the Reactor Three More Points! We need to make this Sexy Black African Queen go Viral on Twitter for Women Everywhere! Everybody Ready! On your mark! Set! LET'S GO SEXIN!!!

CUT TO:

EXT. TARHIKI-HONGAN TEMPLE - DAY

CUT TO:

INT. BELLDANDY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

BELLDANDY:

Urd! I'm home from work!

URD:

Another hard day at the office Belldandy? Ever since that new guy Aoki Uhei has been writing Ah My Job Hunting Goddess, it feels like he's been working you to the bone.

BELLDANDY:

Well we don't have to worry about that anymore. Because as of today... I've been fired.

URD:

What? Why?

BELLDANDY:

They have me on security camera passing out blowjobs to the entire staff, including my boss. Somebody pirated the video and it went viral on the internet. They said that they appreciated my enthusiasm but they can't be seen doing business with somebody like me. They said that the problem wasn't that I was passing out blowjobs. The problem was I got caught and unfortunately the only way they can save face in front of the general public is to just let me go. But, they did give me a very generous severance check. It might just be enough to buy us groceries for... one week. Fuck man, I thought the stereotype was that any woman could fuck her way up the ladder of success in the job industry. But I'm not fucking myself up the ladder. I'm not even fucking myself to the middle. I've been having sex in the mail room the entire time thinking it was an entry level position when really it was the end game the entire time.

URD:

Belldandy! How could you pass out blowjobs to the entire staff... AND NOT GET PAID FOR IT! If you're going to engage in that kind of behavior, you might as well open up your own porn website on Fans Only. If Millions of People are already jerking off to your sex video online, the least they can do is pay you for it since you lost your job in the line of duty. Jesus Christ.

BELLDANDY:

Wait. Go back a second. What do you mean "get paid for it"?

URD:

I mean... get paid for it. You don't have to have an audience to make softcore porn nowadays. You just need and iphone7 and you can upload your videos to Redtube and Fans Only on Twitter. Lots of women are doing it on Twitter because the economy has them falling on hard times. There's no shame in making a living. If anything, Fans Only is the 2023 version of Stripping Your Way through College, and there's nothing wrong with Stripping either. Pole Dancing is an expressionistic art form and why shouldn't women get paid to dance when they're really good at it. Just watch Ukraine's Got Talent.

BELLDANDY:

I'm sorry. Double back again. You said that I can actually get paid to perform Oral Sex on Camera? Really? As in, I could have been making Sex Videos for Fans Only THE ENTIRE TIME THAT I'VE BEEN JOB HUNTING OVER THE PAST THREE YEARS. WHY THE HOLY FUCK DIDN'T AOKI UHEI AND HIDENORI MATSUBARA TELL ME THIS. I'VE BEEN WASTING MY LIFE AND MY TIME GOING FROM ONE JOB FAILED JOB INTERVIEW TO ANOTHER JUST SO BOTH OF THESE ASSHOLES CAN HAVE THEIR NAMES ATTACHED TO AN AH MY GODDESS SPINOFF LIKE KEVIN NEECE DID! Fuck man. I LOVE SUCKING DICK! IT'S BEEN MY FAVORITE HOBBY FOR YEARS! WHY SHOULDN'T I SUCK DICK FOR A LIVING AND GET PAID FOR IT! IT'S NOT LIKE WE WEREN'T BEING GROOMED FOR IT OUR ENTIRE LIVES ANYWAYS!

URD:

Whoa whoa whoa. Nobody taught me how to suck dick. I figured that out all on my own.

BELLDANDY:

Oh really Urd. You think so. Stop and think about your childhood. First they start you out with pacifiers to suck on. Then they move you up to lollipops. Then when you're a teenager they have you licking ice cream cones. It's not fucking rocket science. It's a total conspiracy against women! The Men who were put in charge of making these things have been mentally conditioning women our entire lives like a form of subliminal hypnosis so that we as a society of women will feel naturally compelled to evolve to the next stage of performing oral sex on our husbands to make them happy! And it totally works! I naturally and genuinely enjoy performing oral sex on complete strangers! It turns me on to the point that I can almost feel the waves of pleasure in my pussy when I do it. It's like I've become psychologically addicted to it. Like sucking dick has become my secret happy place! And why the hell shouldn't I enjoy it? I'm a woman! It's what women are supposed to do! Right right! At least that's what they teach us in the Adult Film Industry! 

URD:

Belldandy... the Adult Film Industry has destroyed more lives than Cigarettes and Cancer combined. Harry Reems used to be an Adult Box Office Superstar. He died in tragedy living off of random friends couches and from drugs use and Linda Lovelace claims he was secretly complicit in her being raped on the set of Deep Throat. That's why Linda Lovelace joined the Anti-Porn movement. Back in the 1990's when Ron Jeremy starred in Trey Parker's Orgazmo, Ron Jeremy was considered by Male College Students to be a Sexual Superhero because he showcased that Ugly Hairy Men can still have sex with Thousands of Beautiful Women. Now Ron Jeremy is dying in prison because he was convicted of raping women behind the scenes of his movies. And Roxanne Hall made nearly 400 movies throughout her career. One day the films listed on her Internet Movie Database Resume mysteriously stopped and she completely disappeared. Then Mugshot Photographs of Roxanne Hall began showing up in the online searches and she physically looked like she had been homeless on the streets and destroyed by drugs before she was arrested. That's why Fans Only is a revolutionary tool for women on Twitter. It allows them to cut out the Middle Men that would have abused them and they can make large sums of money off of just themselves and wherever their sexual imagination takes them, provided they can entice their users to pay for their subscriptions. Fuck Redtube Belldandy. Fans Only is the way to go.

BELLDANDY:

You're sidestepping the issue here Urd. I WANT MY THREE FUCKING YEARS BACK THAT AOKI UHEI AND HIDENORI MATSUBARA STOLE FROM ME WITH THAT FUCKING AH MY JOB HUNTING GODDESS SPINOFF! HOW GOOD COULD IT POSSIBLY BE WHEN THEY NEVER EVEN PUBLISHED IT OUTSIDE THE NATION OF JAPAN! MOST AH MY GODDESS FANS IN AMERICA DON'T EVEN KNOW IT EXISTS! FUCK AOKI UHEI! THIS IS KEVIN NEECE'S BAD GODDESS AND YUMI TOMA'S AH MY GODDESS: FIRST END ALL OVER AGAIN! IF IT WASN'T MADE BY KOSUKE FUJISHIMA, THEN THE FANBASE COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. BUT IF IT IS MADE BY KOSUKE FUJISHIMA, THEN THE FANBASE STILL COMPLAIN BECAUSE OF THE INTERNET SCANDAL. AND IF IT'S MADE BY HIROAKI GODA, THEN THEY COMPLAIN AND ACCUSE HIM OF CHERRY PICKING ISSUES AND SKIPPING OVER IMPORTANT PLOTLINES. WE SHOULD BE IN AH MY GODDESS SEASON SIX BY NOW. INSTEAD THOSE MOTHERFUCKER OTAKU'S WANT US TO START OVER FROM THE BEGINNING AS IF KODANSHA LTD AND HIROAKI GODA WOULD JUST MAGICALLY BE ENDOWED WITH THE COMMON SENSE ON HOW TO FIX ALL OF THE PROBLEMS THEY HAD ON THE ORIGINAL SERIES. FUCK THAT. WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING HIROAKI GODA TRAVEL BACK IN TIME JUST SO HE CAN REMAKE THE SAME EPISODES! THERE IS NO POINT! KEVIN NEECE'S BAD GODDESS IS A BETTER FUCKING SERIES IDEA!

URD:

Jesus Christ Belldandy. Aoki Uhei and Hidenori Matsubara are NOT Matt Stone and Trey Parker. We can't all make movies about Time Lords like Kevin Neece does. Some of us have to operate within the rules of Copyright Legality meaning we can only make the Manga Series that classify as original ideas based on IP that we already own. That's why Marller Gets a Spinoff is probably never going to get Greenlighted for Production. It's not because it's a Bad Idea. It's because Kodansha Limited cannot legally clear the Red Tape for it.

BELLDANDY:

Fuck this nonsense! I'm going to march down to Kodansha Limited and rip Yoshinobu Noma a new asshole right now. That always makes Kevin Neece feel better about himself.

CUT TO:

EXT. KODANSHA LIMITED - DAY

CUT TO:

INT. KODANSHA LIMITED - DAY

KIKUKO INOUE:

Mister Yoshinobu Noma sir. Belldandy is here to see you. She would like to have a word without about Aoki Uhei and Hidenori Matsubara's handling of the Ah My Job Hunting Series.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Show her in. Belldandy! It' so nice to see you again! How's life going on the Ah My Job Hunting Series!

BELLDANDY:

I've got news for you asshole! Ah My Job Hunting Goddess is over! Been over! It's been over for Three Years! And Kevin Neece's Bad Goddess is back to destroy your fucking career, destroy your fucking marriage, and your even destroy your reality and fucking piece of mind. You're an Accountant! So account for yourselves! Why the fuck did you have Aoki Uhei and Hidenori Matsubara stringing me along for the past three years from one failed job interview to another when I could have been making a fortune sucking dick on Fans Only the entire time! I happen to enjoy sucking dick! But you know what I don't enjoy! Job Interviews! I am sick and fucking tired of Job Interviews! Nobody in America likes this fucking series except Kevin Neece himself! And do you know why? Because Kevin Neece recognizes that Aoki Uhei's storyline was a Satire of the Japanese Business Economy and the way they treat outsiders and foreigners! And everybody fucking hates it anyways, just like Bad Goddess! It showcases that Kevin Neece isn't the only one that got slapped with a Supernatural Curse from this fucking series. Hekate did it to Aoki Uhei and Hidenori Matsubara too! Account for yourselves you Sexist Swine! I want my fucking Three Years back and I want it now!

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

I'm sorry Belldandy. Double back. Did you just say that you enjoy sucking dick, and you wish you could make a living off of a Fans Only account. Why the Holy Hell would you want to tarnish your image for a Porn Website. Not even that. Isn't Fans Only just an Extension of Twitter. It's not like it's a private website. Anybody on Twitter isn't going to see you exploit yourself like a whore!

BELLDANDY:

The Entire Ah My Goddess fanbase is already masturbating to my posters and my Sex Video that got leaked all over the fucking internet. Why shouldn't I get paid for my Sex Work! At least I can make a living doing something that I love. If more women learned to take enjoyment from sucking dick, the Yggdrasil Conservation of Happiness would make life on this fucking Planet into a fucking Joy Ride. Instead we're about to be flooded all over Planet Earth like Kevin Costner's Waterworld because all of the fucking Christians in America can't stop arguing over Pro-Life Legislature and Drag Queens. Global Warming is about to send America into total fucking chaos and you've got Demons on the News like Bridget Gabrielle and Nick Adams telling people it's the least of their fucking problems. If this is to be our end on Planet Earth, then fuck the Human Race. I'm going out like a WHORE! Because that's what your Manga Fanbase really wants! A WHORE! Not a GODDESS OF FATE FROM NORSE MYTHOLOGY! A WHORE THAT THEY CAN MASTURBATE TO! WELL GUESS WHAT PALS! STARTING TODAY! I'M GOING TO GIVE THOSE DIRTY MASTURBATING FREAKS EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT! AND THEY ARE GOING TO PAY FOR IT OUT OF THEIR OWN WALLETS EVEN IF THEY HAVE TO STEAL THEIR PARENTS CREDIT CARDS! NOBODY IS GOING TO BLOW THEIR LOAD TO MY IMAGE FOR FREE ANYMORE WITHOUT PAYING ME WHAT I'M OWED! SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT HUH? WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT? AM I STILL THE PERFECT GODDESS TO ALL OF YOU NOW? OR PERHAPS YOUR JAPANESE VISION OF THE PERFECT WOMAN IS A SUBMISSIVE HOUSEWIFE WHO IS EVER SO HAPPY TO COOK AND CLEAN AND FUCK AND BEND THE KNEE TO HER HUSBAND'S WILL! YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS SUBMISSIVE? FIFTY SHADES OF GREY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FUCKING BOOK IS? IT'S PORN! SOFTCORE PORN FOR BORED HOUSEWIVES WHO ARE TOO AFRAID TO MASTURBATE TO REAL HARDCORE PORN ON THE INTERNET! AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT FAN'S ONLY WAS MADE FOR! BORED HOUSEWIVES WHO HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY FIFTY SHADES OF GREY INTO BELIEVING THAT THEY TOO CAN GET A PIECE OF THE ACTION IF THEY JUST PUT THEMSELVES OUT THERE ON THE INTERNET FOR EVERYONE TO SEE! SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT YOSHINOBU NOMA? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? AM I THE PERFECT WOMAN TO YOU NOW BECAUSE I TAKE ENJOYMENT IN PERFORMING ORAL SEX ON COMPLETE STRANGERS! DON'T BLAME ME FOR GIVING YOUR AUDIENCES WHAT THEY REALLY WANT TO SEE! BECAUSE I HAVE TO MAKE A LIVING TOO YOU KNOW! SO WHAT DO YOU ASSHOLES THINK OF IT?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

I think you're suffering from a Mid-Life Crisis because you've been suffering from Marital Relationship Problems with Keiichi Morisato ever since he got scandalized in the news for having a child outside of wedlock with Peorth. I think that with a little Psychiatric Help and Medication, we can level you out and help put you back on the right track. You don't have to go down this road Belldandy. You still have friends at this company that still love you and want to help you. Please. We're reaching out to you. Come with us and let us give you some help. It's the least we can do for the Thirty Years that you've given us. I'm telling you this as a friend.

CUT TO:

INT. PSYCHIATRIC OFFICE

DR BRUCE CAMPBELL is in. And YOSHINOBU NOMA is listening.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

So tell me Doctor, have you found anything wrong with Belldandy's psychiatric mental state. She's been our star attraction for the past thirty years and it would be tragic for us to turn out backs on her after everything she's done for us.

BRUCE CAMPBELL:

Belldandy has been coping with Relationship Issues from both Keiichi Morisato, who is a psychology extention of mangaka Kosuke Fujishima. When her creator turned to a life of infidelity against his wife and children, Belldandy secretly turned to a life of infidelity against him within her own anime universe. When Kosuke Fujishima had a mistress on the side while he was making the Oh My Goddess manga series, Belldandy was secretly grooming Bad Goddess creator Kevin Neece while he was still a child so that he would someday grow up and replace Kosuke Fujishima on the manga series when his sexual relationships went sour. Remember. Hekate is Belldandy. And like Skuld, Hekate can see into the Future. Kevin Neece's research evidence tracking Hekate showcases that the Goddess who was inspiring Kosuke Fujishima as a Greek Muse knew that Oh My Goddess was going to come to an end years before the 2006 Anime was even first produced for japanese television. Kevin Neece is no longer the Author playing God in the Machine that is writing this Universe. Hekate has been writing this entire dilemma for him like a Goddess of Fate hidden within Kevin Neece's subconscious and feeds him the lines when he steps out to the Theater for the day because Kevin Neece's Satire Format has given Hekate an outlet to express her strong disdain for all of the creative choices and logic blunders that Kosuke Fujishima has made on the Oh My Goddess manga over the past thirty years, that quite frankly have done nothing but piss Hekate off to the point of going postal. It's exactly like Kevin Neece has said, this fight with Kodansha Ltd and Dark Horse Comics has already gone past the point of insanity where going postal on their asses to get their attention has become the only sane option left. To that matter, what this means is, because Kosuke Fujishima cheats on his girlfriends like he is in a Swinger's Relationship, Keiichi Morisato now cheats on his Goddesses just like his creator Kosuke Fujishima. And because Keiichi Morisato now has a sexual appetite, Belldandy's personality has adapted to his Sexual Lifestyle and behavior in an effort to try and please him. Keiichi Morisato is addicted to porn where women engage in cuckolding and bisexuality and double penetration. Things that don't really happen in normal relationships, when you watch those sex videos, what you are watching are a bunch of actors who have brought their A-Game to the set for one day of filming, and once the film production is over and they go back to their lives, their sexual relationships are nothing like what you see in those videos which is why they have so much trouble in keeping relationships. Belldandy has been trying to mimic that kind of sexual addiction and hardcore pornographic behavior in her real life as a way to make herself more sexual attractive and desired by her husband Mister Keiichi Morisato. What this basically means, is that Belldandy has fallen into a psychological state where she will perform oral sex on virtually any man or woman that asks her, as if she were still in character with the anime show where Belldandy has been charged with bringing human beings happiness by any means necessary. And because she is no longer bound to Keiichi Morisato by her contract, it has freed her to engage in open relationship sex with other people that she encounters. In a way, you might say that when Belldandy engages in Oral Sex, it relaxes her and psychologically takes her to her happy place, just like Disney movie Song of the South.

CUT TO:

EXT. PSYCHIATRIC OFFICE

BELLDANDY is waiting outside the office.

BELLDANDY:

Everybody has a laughing place. A laughing place. To Go Ho Ho. Take that frown, turn it upside down, and you'll find yours I know ho ho.

CUT TO:

INT. PSYCHIATRIC OFFICE

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Oh My Goddess. This is bad. Very very bad. I knew it was a mistake keeping Kosuke Fujishima on the staff after the shotgun wedding scandal incident and the lawsuit. There's a reason why he lost his gig on the Tales of Video Game Designs. The only attractive thing left about that rotten philandering bastard is he keeps making us money. Damn that Toppu GP series. It's like we've turned a blind eye to his bad behavior and given him a free ride to create a format where all he does is draw motorcycles all day, as if instead of coming up with actual interesting ideas, he gets to take the easy way out by making race after race after race. When is that fucking manga series ever going to end? It's exactly like Kevin Neece has been complaining on Twitter, does Kosuke Fujishima care about anything anymore, or has he been hiding from a world that is beyond his control? What the Holy Hell has happened to the man that created Keiichi Morisato. It's as if he's fallen on hard times and keeps advertising his meals from 7-11 on Twitter because they're paying him for being a social media influencer. The only Ah My Goddess material that he has showcased on Twitter was an Ah My Goddess Merchandise Pop Up Shop and Kevin Neece immediately picked up on the fact that it looked like Kosuke Fujishima was holding a garage sale because he was having trouble making ends meet.

BRUCE CAMPBELL:

You're forgetting something. I call this the Chicken and the Egg Factor. Were Ah My Job Hunting Goddess and Toppu GP really famous because they developed a Cult Audience? Or was their Monetary Fame and illusion because they were being published in Kodansha Afternoon Magazine, which already has a built in audience of millions. It's not the Ah My Goddess manga that's selling the magazine anymore, it's the magazine brand itself. If Ah My Job Hunting Goddess and Toppu GP were not published in Kodansha Afternoon Magazine, it would still continue to sell issues at the News Stands with or without those materials. Remember, there is a reason why Ah My Job Hunting Goddess was published in Japan but never released in America. Most of the American Audience doesn't even know that Aoki Uhei's Manga Spinoff even exists. It's because all of the Ah My Goddess fans on the internet who had access to the Scanlations heavily criticized the series when they realized that Aoki Uhei was not Kosuke Fujishima and never would be, and because of that criticism, nobody in the fan translation wanted to bell the cat and do the scanlations for future issues. Goddess Miyaku Team disbanded after the cancellation of the Original Oh My Goddess series and then Japan passed Anti-Piracy Laws punishing offenders with up to two years in prison. So nobody wanted to bell the cat so they could pirate the release because there wasn't an American Audience that wanted it. And the most ironic part of all is Ah My Goddess was original founded upon Fan Translation Piracy to begin with. The entire reason that the series developed an Audience in America back in the 1990's was because the Five Episode OVA produced by Animeigo was pirated and fan translated by College Students, thus allowing Kodansha Limited to study the American Market to decide if it was worth shelling out for an English Translation Voice Cast. Kosuke Fujishima's manga started in 1988 but didn't reach it's full potential until the 1990's OVA became a hit among American Audiences and it's all because of Anime Piracy. That's why Hekate didn't have a problem with Kevin Neece's background in Theater Piracy against the Alamo Drafthouse. It's because the Oh My Goddess manga series was already founded upon Piracy itself. No different than how Matt Stone and Trey Parker's South Park was picked up by Comedy Central for a Pilot Episode because George Clooney pirated hundreds of VHS tapes of The Spirit of Christmas and spread them around the Hollywood Community. This being the same George Clooney that starred in Return of the Killer Tomatoes and Return to Horror High, years before he became famous for ER and From Dusk till Dawn. I would also point out that Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell started out making short films inspired by the Three Stooges which may have attracted Hekate's attention because Three Stooges can be switched out with the Three Fates just like Charlie's Angels. There are Three Producers on the Evil Dead Series. There are Three Fates in Ah My Goddess. The Model featured on the VHS cover of the original Evil Dead VHS tape was Voice Actress Bridget Hoffman who played Belldandy in Ah My Goddess: The Movie 2000. Kevin Neece believes that Bruce Campbell was targeted by Hekate because he was born on June 22nd which is a Voodoo Religious Holiday called Summer Solstice. And I would point out that Sam Raimi didn't get hit with the idea to make the Greek Mythology show Hercules the Legendary Journeys until he produced Time Cop for Dark Horse Comics who were the American Publishers for the Oh My Goddess manga, meaning that Hekate was haunting their offices and may have manipulated Sam Raimi like a Greek Muse. Make no mistake. Belldandy isn't suffering from a Psychiatric Break or Sex Addiction. This is just plain old fashioned comedic revenge by Hekate for the Thirty Years she wasted on Kosuke Fujishima's career.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Is there anything we can do to help Belldandy?

BRUCE CAMPBELL:

You could try allowing her to perform Oral Sex on you. That might take her to her Happy Place.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Is there anything other than that which we can do?

BRUCE CAMPBELL:

Do you have a wife? Belldandy loves eating pussy too. The reason Belldandy is bisexual is because most Adult Film Industry Actresses are Bisexual in their movies as it opens them up to wider audiences who believe that watching two women engage in sex is a Male Turn On.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

I'm not going to let Belldandy perform Oral Sex on MY WIFE!

BRUCE CAMPBELL:

Why not? Everybody else has. Cha-Ching! Bang! Pow! Right in the Kisser! Thank you Everybody Good Night!

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

What the Holy Hell is this? Did Kevin Neece screen Harry Reems Deep Throat into a Black Mirror to inspire Hekate?

BRUCE CAMPBELL:

Well no, in order for the plot of Deep Throat to manifest into real life, that would mean that Belldandy would have to be born with a Clitoris in her Throat like Linda Lovelace. That doesn't actually happen in real life. It's genetically impossible.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

I know. The Clitoris is a Total Myth.

BRUCE CAMPBELL:

No, I'm a Doctor, and not only am I pretty sure that the Clitoris is Real, but I've also seen Thirty Years of physical examination evidence that Every Woman has one. You know those American Voice Actresses that you hired to work on the Ah My Goddess anime Eileen Stevens or Kether Donohue, try asking them if the Clitoris is Real, and see where that conversation takes you. You know, I once met a woman on the internet who claim that her best friend gave her 38 orgasms for her 38th birthday using only his mouth, his tongue, and this fingers. Stop pretending that your penis is magic and start thinking outside the box. If you don't believe that the Clitoris is real after being married for Thirty Years, then that just proves that you were too stupid to find it. But I'll tell you what. I'm going to set you up with another appointment in let's say Three Months, that should give you plenty of time to find the Clitoris, unless you're too cowardly to ask your Wife to show you where she's been hiding it during your entire marriage. I'm sorry. I'm on a roll here. I could roast Yoshinobu Noma a new asshole all day. Fuck that guy, fuck him right in the ear.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

But none of this brings us any closer to finding a solution to Belldandy. What are we going to do?

BRUCE CAMPBELL:

Who says that Belldandy is broken to begin with? Lots of women in broken relationships find solace in sex in the arms of another partner. What are you going to do about it? Convert them to Catholicism and a life of Celibacy so they can get raped by a Catholic Priest whenever he gets Horny and decides to break his own rules? Fuck that. There's a reason why Porn Websites like Fans Only exist. It's so normal everyday women like Belldandy can explore their sexuality and develop a fanbase just like the Sex Entertainers who work in a Strip Club. If all Belldandy is interested in to pass the time is Oral Sex, then perhaps allowing her to start her own Fans Only account might be the only way to make her truly happy so that she can feel like she's an equal to her husband Keiichi Morisato. He can't keep his dick in his pants, so why should she? Open Relationships can work you know. They don't have a Good Track Record but it is possible. And Belldandy does have Good Fortune and Fate working in her favor so she and her husband Keiichi might just beat the odds if they just learned to accept that they're Swingers who are trying to add spice and variety into their sex lives. And I would point out to you all that if Hekate and Belldandy are the same Goddess in Real Life, and Belldandy is the Goddess of Fate who watches over all of the Women on Planet Earth, then that would mean that Hekate is also responsible for watching over the Lives of all the Women who make Adult Films and work in the Sex Entertainment Industry. Their lives don't just end when the guy blows his wad beating off to their videos. They still have to live their day to day lives no different than any other human being. So why would a Goddess of Fate be a presence in these women's lives? She's a Pagan Goddess for Christ's Sake. It's not like she's a Christian.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

I can't believe we're going to do this. After Thirty Years of working together, our number one main star attraction is going to make Softcore Porn on Fans Only. How did the Ah My Goddess series ever come to this.

BRUCE CAMPBELL:

I've got news for you pal. The Ah My Goddess series was already being bootlegged and exploited by the Hentai Porn manga industry. And the scariest part about that is they are all Pedophiles because they have a child goddess named Skuld engaging in the Sexual Antics with them. I would strongly advise that everyone in the Ah My Goddess community stay far the fuck away from those online materials unless they want to wind up on a sex offender's registry.

CUT TO:

EXT. TARHIKI-HONGAN TEMPLE - DAY

CUT TO:

INT. BELLDANDY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

OTAKI:

I can't believe this. Belldandy is actually going to be performing Softcore Porn on Fans Only. That's not even a legitimate Private Porn Website. It's basically just Twitter with an NC-17 Rating, meaning anybody on the internet is going to see it, even when they're not searching for it online. Is she really going to go through with it?  

MEGUMI MORISATO:

The Suspense is killing me, I hope it will last. I don't know about you guys, but I've always believed it was Urd that was going to be make hardcore porn for Fans Only. Not Belldandy. I'm completely shocked that her relationship with Keiichi has come to this. She believes that turning herself into a Sex Addict is going to make herself more attractive to her husband, and I'm disturbed to say that she may be right. Some men really do get sexually turned on by watching their wives cheat on them, sometimes they even like to be in the same room at the same time when she's doing it. And the most disturbing part is they don't even have the courage to join in with her and turn it into a threesome. They just sit back and let the other guys have all the fun. If all they wanted to do is jerk off from a distance, then why be in a relationship with a woman at all when they can just masturbate to hardcore porn? It's not like they have to pay for it anymore when it's free online.

BELLDANDY:

It's true. Today I'm starting my life over and beginning a new career in the Online Sex Entertainer Industry. So! Who wants to go first and help me shoot this fucker? Anybody? Anybody? What about you Otaki. You look like you could use a blowjob from a close personal friend.

OTAKI:

Belldandy! Just because we're your friends doesn't mean we're stupid enough to exploit ourselves on the internet with you. I know that Fans Only is a New Love Internet movement now, but have you considered that everything reported in the news gets it's fifteen minutes of fame? I mean, look at Matt Stone and Trey Parker's South Park. When Comedy Central premiered that show it was all over the media and franchise merchandising was everywhere. And Mike Judge from King of the Hill specifically warned Trey Parker that what they were experiencing was just their fifteen minutes of fame. And one it's all over, they are going to be trapped making that show for the rest of their lives without that Fame. Matt Stone and Trey Parker have been cursed to make South Park their entire lives because it features Satan as a main recurring character, just like Bruce Campbell was forced to make the Evil Dead franchise off and on for throughout his entire career too. And Kosuke Fujishima got it worse than all of them because he was forced to crank out new storylines for the Oh My Goddess manga once a month for thirty years without any breaks. He wanted out as far back as the Lord of Terror incident and Kodansh Limited just kept throwing more money at him because they refused to let him out of his control. Kosuke Fujishima was literally a prisoner of his own series, as if he made a Devil's Bargain with the Real Goddesses that were haunting his Anime Series like a Voodoo Witchcraft Curse. And Matt Stone and Trey Parker didn't get away for their behavior on South Park either. You think that they are untouchable but they're not. They made South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut with Satan as the main villain and then their main voice actress commit Suicide with a Shotgun because she suffered from Bipolar Disorder and instead of seeking help and taking the proper medication, she was experimenting with Herbal Drugs which was the inspirational basis for the episode Cherokee Hair Tampons with Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong. And then Isaac Hayes stood up to Matt Stone and Trey Parker for the first time in his life after working on that show for years because he was angry about them making fun of his own religion, so instead of respecting his wishes and his beliefs when he wanted out of his contract, they publicly stabbed him in the back with The Death of Chef episode by using past recording spliced together to make Chef look like he was a Pedophile. And then a few months later Isaac Hayes died in Real Life, as if Matt Stone and Trey Parker had accidentally Death Cursed him with their Television Show. The only thing that those guys proved is that they have absolutely NO LOYALTY towards anybody that works for them, no matter how many years they put the work in. My only point is, there is a reason why everybody gets fifteen minutes of fame and ONLY fifteen minutes of fame. Maybe some people just aren't destined to be famous. Ah My Goddess once had a worldwide audience, and I'm not going to lie to you, the attention we used to receive was nice and all. But everybody we worked with have moved on with their lives, and none of them are any kind of fucking pride. Alissa Hunnicutt used to be the voice of Mara Marller, then she worked for Disney Corporate and looked up she was on her way up. Now she's performing puppet shows in coffee shops. Do you know what that reminds me off. It's exactly like how Kevin Neece worked as a Third Assistant Manager on his Work Resume and then Three Jobs later he was downgraded for Washing Dishes. When your Career Resume gets downgraded like that, it's a Red Flag Warning Sign to your Future Employers that some went very wrong in your life when you were on the job. And Shannon Conley moonlights in a Cover Band called Liz Zeppelin, no different than the other cover bands that appears in Kevin Neece's Rock Documentaries, so who is she to pass judgment on his career? And Eileen Stevens entire life after Ah My Goddess is playing the same side character in the Pokemon Franchise series. Kether Donohue's biggest claim to fame was a small role in Pitch Perfect 2. Juliet Cesario worked behind the scenes on Will and Grace. And Matt Caplan had a small cameo in Across the Universe. If Ah My Goddess is really a supernatural curse that turned these peoples future careers into a Devil's Bargain, it doesn't look like any of them have gained any benefit from it. None of these people are A-List actors like Ben Stiller or Tom Cruise. Bruce Campbell's entire career was manipulated by Hekate because of his work on the Evil Dead series and the highest that his career ever climbed on it's own was a small cameo role in a Pixar Movie.

BELLDANDY:

That is true. Right then. Megumi Morisato. Would you like me to eat your pussy for you on camera? Don't listen to Otaki. He's a total Neuter. 

MEGUMI MORISATO:

Oh My Goddess! Are you fucking serious? I'm your fucking sister in law for Christ's Sake! We're virtually step related by marriage! 

BELLDANDY:

Hey Hey Hey, Sly Megumi Incest Jokes are a time honored Oh My Goddess Tradition. Not to mention all of the Step-Related Porn that's plastered all over Redtube, and let's not forget that Norse Mythology was all about Orgies Incest and Pedophilia. There's a reason why Kosuke Fujishima was scandalized for chasing after Lolitas like Nekomu Otogi. Hekate fucked with his mind because he wanted out of his Devil's Bargain contract with her by cancelling the Oh My Goddess manga series. Come on Megumi. Step-Relative Family Porn is what's selling right now. And it's not like we're blood related.

MEGUMI MORISATO:

I'm not going to do it. You can't make me doing. If you want to eat your sister's pussy so badly it should be Urd that you're talking to. She's your real sister from Norse Mythology.

BELLDANDY:

That's not a bad idea. Oh Urd! I've got a job for you! And all you have to do is lay on your back!

MEGUMI MORISATO:

Belldandy No! I was completely joking about that!

BELLDANDY:

But Redtube isn't! Have you seen what they've been posting on their main page lately? Step-Relative Porn is what's selling and as the old saying in Hollywood Goes, if you can't beat them, join them! Now get over here! And stop acting like such a coward! You're reminding me of Keiich Morisato from the old days! It's not like we're blood related! Wait! Don't run! Don't run away! Why does everybody that I try to perform oral sex on leave me? Come back!

URD:

I'm sorry? What's wrong Belldandy? 

BELLDANDY:

How am I supposed to shoot a Fans Only Video when there's nobody around that's willing to let me perform oral sex on them? I'm attracted to men! I'm attracted to women! Who the hell am I supposed to fuck now? A Transgender Woman like Aoi Futaba? Am I stuck between the middle of the Genders now? Say... that's not a bad idea! There's an audience for She-male porn on Redtube too. Urd, you're in a sexual relationship with Officer Natsumi Tsujimoto! Can you get her to contact Aoi Futaba?

URD:

Why would a Transgender Police Woman who catches Purse Snatchers want to make a Fans Only video with you?

BELLDANDY:

Have you seen all of the Police Officer porn on Redtube? Even if those Porn Stars are just Actors, somebody had to rent them those Jail Cells to have sex in. The Bokuto Police Department has just got to have their hands in the Fans Only Cookie Jar. They're totally doing it under the table, they've just got to be. Get me Aoi Futaba! I want to suck his big hard Shemale dick on Fans Only!

URD:

Okay, we need to take a step back here. I think you're taking this a little too far. Yes there's a lot of strange porn going around online, but just because everybody else is doing it doesn't mean you have to jump on the bandwagon. Why don't you just start out small and perform sex on yourself with sex toys?

BELLDANDY:

I don't want to masturbate with a Vibrator! My expertise is Oral Sex and getting fucked in the ass! It's practically become my hobby! And someday I may even work my way up to being Double Penetrated!

URD:

Can't you just get Keiichi Morisato to make the videos with you? Does he really consent to your lifestyle?

BELLDANDY:

Keiichi Morisato is too cowardly to ever make his own sex video. He's what we refer to as one of life's great watchers. He doesn't have the courage to do anything unless it involves a fucking motorcycle.

CUT TO:

INT BELLDANDY'S BEDROOM

AOI FUTABA is standing around confused.

AOI FUTABA:

Belldandy, why did you ask me to come here?

BELLDANDY:

How would you like to make a little extra money on the side?

AOI FUTABA:

I already have a paying job silly. My paychecks always clear at the bank. I'm not complaining. What did you want me to do?

BELLDANDY:

I want you to sign this Release Form giving me Written Consent to perform Oral Sex on your Shemale Penis for a Fans Only Video on Twitter.

AOI FUTABA:

But I don't have a penis silly. I'm a woman. I've been a woman as far back as the 1990s.

BELLDANDY:

Come on, you don't have to hide your shemale cock from me. I want to see how big it is! I've always secretly been curious to see it!

AOI FUTABA:

Are you refering to my "Stick Pussy"? Say it with me now. "Stick Pussy" Kinds of rolls off your tongue now doesn't it? "Stick Pussy". Holy Gee Willickers, I could say this all day.

BELLDANDY:

Your "Stick Pussy"? Is that what Shemales call their dicks in the Transgender Community?

AOI FUTABA:

No, we just call them "Vaginas". And I'm not a Shemale. I gender identify as a Woman. I've been a Woman since the 1990s. That's the joy of living in the year 2023. We all have Gender Identities now. Do you know what I do to people when they don't respect my Gender Identity? I whip out my "Stick Pussy" and then I fuck them in the ass, no Fans Only Video necessary. Is that what you want me to do Belldandy? Do you want me to fuck you in your tight ass with my "Stick Pussy"? I'm more than happy to oblige, but even I'm not stupid enough to let you video record me doing it for Twitter and Fans Only.

BELLDANDY:

That's the Spirit Futaba! Come fuck me in the ass with your "Stick Pussy"... wait... if you're not going to do this on camera then what's the point?

AOI FUTABA:

That's funny. A few minutes ago you were more than happy to perform Oral Sex on me.

BELLDANDY:

A few minutes ago I was trying to get you to sign a Release Form.

AOI FUTABA:

No deal! Come on Belldandy, usually by this point in the game most men are running and screaming in the opposite direction to get away from me.

BELLDANDY:

Yes, but that's because in the Transgender Community, this is what we refer to as Deception.

AOI FUTABA:

What's the difference between a Woman and a Trans Woman when all men want these days is to perform Butt Stuff and Anal Sex anyways. Does it really matter if the woman has a "Stick Pussy" when they're already going in the back door?

NATSUMI TSUJIMOTO:

Aoi Futaba? What are you doing here? And why does it look like you two are about to shoot a sex video? 

AOI FUTABA:

She wants me to sell out my career on the Bokuto Police Force just so she can make money off of Twitter and Fans Only. Jesus Christ Belldandy, just because there's a fifteen minutes of fame movement on Twitter doesn't mean you have to go out and jump on the bandwagon. If all of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you go out and do it too?

BELLDANDY:

But I really do enjoy performing Oral Sex. It's more than just a Hobby. It's my Assigned Sexual Fetish and it's opened me up to a new way of life. Performing Oral Sex on complete strangers mentally relaxes me and takes me to my Inner Happy Place just like Song of the South. And it spreads Happiness to the entire community which is what my role as a Goddess of Fate is all about. If the Goddess Hotline Office knew how wonderful Fans Only really was, perhaps all of the Goddesses like Peorth would join in with us.

NATSUMI TSUJIMOTO:

But we don't live up in Heaven and work for Yggdrasil HQ. We live in Chiba Japan down here in Reality. There are rules about Society that separate the Sex Entertainer Community from the Real Working Community. Once you go down this road, nobody is going to want to hire you when they realize you're releasing Hardcore Porn videos of yourself on the internet! You could completely destroy Aoi Futaba's career on the Bokuto Police Force just by associating with her!

AOI FUTABA:

Well, to be fair, it's not like the Bokuto Police Department isn't already secretly dipping their hands in the Fans Only Cookie Jar. When we were studying Porn Films in the Sex Crimes Division involving Sex in Police Stations and Jail Cells, the sets featured in the movies suspiciously looked like the same designs we use in our own precinct meaning that somebody was allowing the Porn Filmmakers access to our unused cells in our Main Headquarters so they could shoot their sex films for the internet. And because we don't yet know how far up the chain of command this conspiracy goes, there may be nobody that we can successfully report it too. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but sometimes in order to keep our jobs, we really do have to look the other way.

NATSUMI TSUJIMOTO:

You have got to be fucking kidding me. I am getting too old for this.

BELLDANDY:

So you're not going to let me perform oral sex on you?

AOI FUTABA:

So you're not going to let me fuck you in the ass with my "stick pussy"?

BELLDANDY:

Are you willing to sign this Release Form giving me Written Consent for Fans Only?

AOI FUTABA:

Fuck you Belldandy. Not gonna do it.

BELLDANDY:

Yes Futaba. That's exactly what I want you to do. I want you to fuck me in the ass with your "Stick Pussy" or whatever you want to call it... just do it for the cameras so we can get paid for it on Fans Only. Please do it for me. You can't really say no to Belldandy. Everybody loves Belldandy.

AOI FUTABA:

Ah My Goddess The Anime Series was over and done with nearly Two Decades Ago. Whatever Audience you used to have, it's over Belldandy. Ah My Goddess is no more. Everybody gets Fifteen Minutes of Fame in this world. But right now, it's time for you to accept that your Fifteen Minutes of Fame are up and the only mention of you now are cheap vintage merchandising sold at Pop Up Garage Sales, and they're all coming from Kosuke Fujishima's own personal collection because he's having trouble making ends meet too. Face it Belldandy. The Three Norns are just not famous anymore. Not even enough to star in Chicks with Dicks adult videos. It took an Office Blowjob Sex Video gone viral on the Internet just to get people to notice you again. So depressing is that? Goodbye Belldandy, and Good luck to you on the Life that you have Chosen.

BELLDANDY:

Don't you quote Charles Dickens to me Shemale! My Sisters and I were the fucking inspiration for that goddamn book and a hundred fucking remakes just like it! Sunita Mani practically based her role as Past on my sister Urd in Ryan Reynolds Spirited! Look at the two performances closely! They were clearly based on the same goddess from the Ah My Goddess anime series!

CUT TO:

INT BELLDANDY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

RAY-RAY:

Perhaps I can be of assistance!

BELLDANDY:

Who are you?

RAY-RAY:

My name is Ray-Ray. I'm a sexual healer by trade. And I'm the Real Behind the Scenes CEO of Twitter and Fans Only. And today Belldandy, I've come here to Japan to service you.

BELLDANDY:

But I though Elon Musk was the CEO of Twitter?

RAY-RAY:

Use your head Belldandy. Think back to every Japanese Lolita Cosplay Photo or Chronic Masturbating Housewife that ever showed up in your Twitter Feed. Now do you really think that was the work of Elon Musk? Baby. It's been Ray Ray the entire time. I'm the leader of a Secret Religious Cult determined to make the World a Safer Place for Sex Addicts everywhere. And I'll let you in on another little secret. There's a reason why your Sex Video went viral on the internet. We have Sex Addict Spies stationed in Business Offices all over Japan and America to seek out fellow Sex Addict such as yourself. When we heard that you had been passing out blowjobs to everyone around the office including your own bosses without even being asked for it. We knew that we had a special new recruit on our hands. So we set you up on Security Camera and released the Video Footage online to help give your Sexual Career a little push in the right direction. Be true to yourself Belldandy. Is it easier for you to move forward when you know that you can't go back? Do you even want to go back now that it's water under the bridge? What makes you happier? Working in an Office. Or performing Oral Sex on complete strangers. It's okay. We're in safe company right now. You can tell me the truth. You enjoy Oral Sex don't you? It's practically become a hobby for you hasn't it? I'm a Sexual Healer Belldandy. And I know how to read Sex Addicts just like myself as if my Third Eye has been awakened. Come with me Belldandy. Let me take you on a tour of our Home Office at Twitter HQ. Let me open you up to a brand new world of Sexual Freedom and Free Love and you've been longing to experience for the first time.

BELLDANDY:

Do you promise you'll have me back in time to cook dinner?

RAY-RAY:

Belldandy. Your pussy is the dinner. And your sweet wet lips wrapped around my cock are the main course. Come with me, and let me show you how Fans Only really works, and it will be as if your eyes are being opened for the first time. LET'S GO SEXIN!

CUT TO:

INT. TWITTER HQ - DAY

RAY-RAY:

Belldandy, allow me to introduce you to the team here at Operation Fans Only. This is our tech support Eileen.

EILEEN:

Hello Belldandy! I just want you to know that I watched your sex video last night and I masturbated to it at least three times... and I used a dildo... and a sonic vibrator... and a Diamond Butt Plug. Ray Ray told me that he believes a Proper Lady should always make herself orgasm at least six times a day for Good Measure and ever since then I've been on the road to sexual fulfillment and eternal happiness. Welcome to Fans Only Belldandy. I think you are going to love it here just as much as I love squirting all over myself while masturbating to your sex videos. All of my panties are so wet because of you. If this keeps going I'll be forced to throw all of my panties away. And then I'll have nothing to wear underneath this skirt when I come to work. Nothing at all. Do you think my other co-workers are going to notice I'm going commando? The suspense is taking my breath away, I hope it will last. LET'S GO SEXIN!

BELLDANDY:

It's a pleasure to meet you Eileen. I can't help but get the feeling like we've met somewhere before!

EILEEN:

Only in our Sex Dreams Belldandy. Only in our Dreams.

RAY-RAY:

And this is our Algorithms Support Director Roger.

KYLE GASS:

Hello Belldandy. I haven't actually masturbated to your Sex Video YET, but after my wife and I watched it, she later gave me a blowjob here at work and all I could do was close my eyes and pretend it was your lips that were wet massaging my stiff hard penis. You turned me on so hard that I was forced to pull out and squirted my load all over my wife's face. Do you know how long it's been since I've given my wife a facial? She said it was the greatest sexual experience that she's had in years. Not only is your Sex Work an inspiration to both of us, but you may have just saved our Marriage. Thank you Belldandy!

BELLDANDY:

I'm so happy to hear that I could be of service to you and your wife Roger.

KYLE GASS:

Belldandy. While I'm thinking about it. Could you take this Black Sharpie and Autograph my Penis for me? I'm painfully erect right now and I don't know how much longer I can hold it, but if you work quickly I think we can make this work!

BELLDANDY:

Why would anybody want me to sign their penis with a black sharpie pen?

KYLE GASS:

Ray-Ray says that if I could get you to autograph my penis, he would allow me to take off work so I could get it tattooed and then your name could be on my cock forever every time my wife goes down on me.

BELLDANDY:

Well that makes perfect sense! As a Goddess from Heaven charged with bringing happiness to everyone I meet, I would be more than happy to sign your penis for you!

KYLE GASS:

Thank you Belldandy! May Fortune Smile Upon You! I hope you have a Great Future here at Fans Only! LET'S GO SEXIN!

RAY-RAY:

And this is our tech support Kether. She moonlights as an actress, and her claim to fame was she performed oral sex on her director Elizabeth Banks behind the scenes of Pitch Perfect 2 while they were in their dressing room together. Her skills at eating pussy helped land her a prominent role in the movie and she's never been happier ever since. We were lucky to secure her services. Make way everybody! We've got a celebrity here!

KETHER:

It's nice to meet you Belldandy! I'm also Roger's Wife. And when I was performing Oral Sex on him earlier in the Twitter Company Bathroom down the Hallway, all of the Male Interns were standing in the room behind us beating off in solidarity. Everybody gave us a big round of applause when Roger suddenly pulled out and gave me a facial in front of all of them. Do you understand what a miracle it is that you've done for our Sex Lives? In the fifteen years that I've been married to Roger, he has never ever been able to reach sexual climax from a blowjob. You're an inspiration to us Belldandy! Watching your Sex Video go viral on your first time out was like watching Rocky Balboa go the distance with Apollo Creed! You've got the Eye of the Sexual Tiger in you Belldandy! Keep up the Good Sex Work on Fans Only! LET'S GO SEXIN!

BELLDANDY:

I'm so happy that my Sex Video could fix your sex lives. May Fortune Smile Upon You and Your Husband the next time you perform Oral Sex on him, and may you both be blessed with many facials to come.

RAY-RAY:

Yes Belldandy, here at Fans Only, we are all one great big happy fucking family, or more accurately, a family of employees who take pride in fucking each other. And now that you're here, we can proudly induct you into our fold. You're one of us now Belldandy. And deep down, you always have been one of us. You're a total sex addict and all it took was one little video to show the world you've got what it takes to make all of us ejaculate in our shorts. Allow me to give you the grand tour of Fans Only.

CUT TO:

EXT. TWITTER HQ - DAY

RAY RAY:

Belldandy, for our next Sexual Exhibit, I present to you, the Prostitutes of the Wild Wild West, with special thanks to Adam Conover from Adam Ruins Everything. Yes, America was founded upon Western Towns in the Wild West, but these towns weren't built by Cowboys. No, they were built on the backs of Sex Workers armed with only their Mattresses and their Tents set up for Mining Colonies. One case example of this would be the Robert Altman movie McCabe and Mrs Miller which might just be the most realistic Western Ever Made. These Sex Workers filled the market gap for single men with nothing to do with their lives but work in the hot sun, and because there was nothing around for them to spend their money on, they learned to save their Sex Worker money and used it to build Alcohol Serving Establishments such as Saloons with Additional Bedrooms for their Prostitution Activities. From that point on, these Madames were able to hire their own Sex Worker employees, and use the profits from the Saloons to build shops around the general area, and even churches where patrons could confess their sins for having sex with the prostitutes, how ironic is that? America was built on the foundation of Prostitution and today, Fans Only pays tribute to them by giving new creatives outlets to anybody on the Twitternet. Women no longer have to go through the process of being Interviewed by Casting Agents and judged for their looks. They can just start themselves off and take their audiences anywhere that their sexual imaginations will allow them? Fans Only frees them to the possibilities of Sexuality that they may have never explored before and it cures them of their stage fright in exhibiting their naked bodies to pretty much anybody on Twitter. You no longer have to use your credit cards to sign up for illegal websites because most of the sample photos are plastered all over Twitter for free to the point that it's almost impossible to ignore them. Dare I say it, Twitter is the biggest porn website available on the Internet today and it's time that we stop lying to ourselves about it and learn to utilize it's powers for the greater good of Amateur Sex Workers everywhere. Now that's the Original American Dream that they don't tell you about in Police Academy Vice Squads.

BELLDANDY:

Ray Ray, you have a very perceptive view of History.

RAY RAY:

Not really, I just enjoy watching Adam Ruins Everything. Thank you Adam Conover.

BELLDANDY:

So what's next on the tour for Twitter and Fans Only?

RAY RAY:

Belldandy, for the next part of our Sexual History Tour, I introduce you to Congress Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. An American Hero to Feminists everywhere who started out working as a Bartender, then worked her way up to Congress and became famous for standing up to Donald Trump and calling bullshit on all of her Republican Co-Workers who were obstructing her legislature just because they secretly wanted to fuck her and couldn't get anywhere. Alexandria went from a Bartender to a member of United States Congress and she didn't just land there at the top of the mountain overnight. Do you know what her career secret was?

BELLDANDY:

Let me guess. Did she work her way up the ladder of government society by passing out free blowjobs and sexual favors to advance her career?

RAY-RAY:

Unfortunately no. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is the real deal and she worked her way up to Congress through the act of hard study, putting the work in, and never ending determination to be an equal to her co-workers. But in the words of Spike Lee, it's not enough to be an equal these days, if you want to get ahead in life, you must do everything in your power to be better than everyone else in the room. And that describes Alexandria's Work Ethics and Work Relations incarnate. She has worked herself to the bone and sacrificed both her private sex life and her happiness, and even admits sometimes to the general public that she isn't even sure that she wants to continue her role in Congress after what the Trump Administration put her through. But I'll let you in on a little secret. If Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez simply learned to enjoy engaging in the act of Free Love and Fellatio like we do, it would make for a much more pleasant working environment, she might actually find it easier to get her legislature passed, and the act of engaging in sex addiction might just give her peace of mind and private happiness.

BELLDANDY:

You're trying to say if Alexandia Ocasio-Cortez had simply given in and passed out blowjobs to Republicans like Matt Gaetz, she could have gotten her legislature passed?

RAY-RAY:

No... that not what I said at all. In fact, if she had given into his sexual advances, he probably would have blackmailed her to get HIS legislature passed. That's politics for you.

BELLDANDY:

So what were you trying to say?

RAY-RAY:

I'm saying that if Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had taken the alternate road of Sex Addiction instead of pushing a brick wall up a hill called the Trump Administration, she might be in a happier place right now and still have peace of mind. At the very least her nightly orgasms would have helped fuck her to sleep at night instead of having endless nightmares that keep her awake from dusk till dawn. That woman is being haunted by the Boogeyman in her Dreams and the Republican GOP are the ones who sent him to haunt her nightmares.

MARA:

Ray-Ray. Justin Hammer from Hammer Tech has arrived. And he's brought Elon Musk with him.

RAY-RAY:

Excellent! Belldandy, you've arrived on a very special day. Elon Musk has been my front man, publicly posing as the CEO of Twitter and taking all of the Controversy and the Heat from the General Public for me so that we can be free to work on the jobs that really matter behind the scenes, such as manipulating algorithms and helping Fans Only Accounts reach their audience. And Justin Hammer from Hammer Tech has been funding our Sexual Research.

JUSTIN HAMMER:

It's a pleasure to meet you Belldandy. Hammer Tech has heard nothing but wonderful things about you. And I've personally  masturbated to your Sex Video this morning before I hit the first flight down here. Even I couldn't contain myself when faced with your beauty and sexual heat. You were so hot. Like a Sexual Tiger pouncing on its prey. And don't worry about going viral on your first sex video. Monica Lewinsky got scandalized for passing out blowjobs to President Bill Clinton and look what she accomplished. Monica Lewinsky showcased to everybody that it was entirely possible to take down a Presidential Administration by getting a man to lie about Cheating on his Wife to Congress. Monica Lewinsky's career hasn't suffered a day since then because there is no such thing as Bad Publicity and everything will eventually become water under the bridge. But that's not what you want to happen right now. Because here at Fans Only, if you want to make progress, it's time for you to strike while the Iron is Hot. I mean, really get yourself out there while the public still remembers you, because the general public has a very short memory when it comes to Sex Videos. They don't want to spill all of their eggs into one basket, what they are looking for is variety to keep the spice in their life. It's a different woman and a different video every hour for these guys, which is why we've personally hired Ray Ray as our own personal Sex Guru and Consultation. Ray Ray knows absolutely everything when it comes to dare I say the New Age Religion of Sex Addiction and Sexual Fetishes. It's practically become a Research Study for him, and with my financial resources and staff members, Ray Ray has even been able to Replicate his Sex Research Findings in a Laboratory using Scientific Method.

MARA:

In short, ever since Ray Ray became our CEO, everyone on the Twitter Staff responsible for Operation Fans Only has been engaging in Free Love and Sexual Favors with their co-workers and their spouses in order to support our New Policies. Wife Swapping among co-workers, After Work Orgies, Bisexuality, and Sexual Fetishes are a must if you want to work for Twitter nowadays and we've all come to enjoy our new lifestyle in the realm of Sex Addiction. It makes for a much more pleasant working environment when we all get to fuck each other like Swingers.

ELON MUSK:

Well, just as long as we don't suffer any incidents like Jeffrey Epstein. That man was a rotten egg to be sure. Hello, I'm Elon Musk, the frontman CEO for Twitter and Fans Only, and I've personally masturbated to your Sex Video last night, and this morning, and on my private plane on the way over here. You've made me cum at least three times and I'm almost tempted to go for round four on the flight home. You're the real article Belldandy. Not just a one hit wonder or a flash in the pan. You could make an entire career for yourself on Fans Only and people would pay you for it if you just put yourself out there and got down and dirty for them. No more joke videos about Swimsuits and Kittens. It's time to show them the Golden Egg between your legs, possible even a Diamond Butt Plug to accentuate your snatch, and nipple piercings to show them what a bad bad Goddess you truly are. If you're really brave you could work your way up to a clit piercing like the bad bitch that you secretly want to be. I see you've met my associate Justin Hammer from Hammer Tech. So tell me Justin, how are things going at Hammer Tech since Stark Industries lost it's CEO?

JUSTIN HAMMER:

Tony Stark is over and done with and Stark Industries is on its way out. The time for the Rise of Hammer Tech is now. If Tony Stark had realized the Military Applications for Fans Only back when he was still producing Weapons for the Military, there would be no need for Iron Man. And that's where Hammer Tech is going to step in and secure the market. We're making our bid for the Internet Sex Worker Industry and Fans Only is the way to go.

ELON MUSK:

Justin Hammer gets criticized for always being second to Tony Stark, but what people don't realize is, when you go through life achieving success, there will always be someone out there who is better than you are. But that doesn't mean that you yourself lack talent or ability. Even with the presence of Tony Stark, Hammer Tech was still able to hold its own in Military Applications and Weapons Tech research. Everything that I have learned about Corporations I first learned from Justin Hammer. For example, when Tesla Cars were first reported in the news for crashing based on the Auto-Drive functions, I got low. Real low. Like sucking dick on a homeless street corner for McDonalds low. How did my life get here? Where did I go wrong? Is there anyway to redeem myself when my work is responsible for the death of innocent people? And that was when Justin Hammer stepped in and put everything into perspective for me.

JUSTIN HAMMER:

So I told him, "Hey, Elon, Hammer Tech has been producing Faulty Weapons and Faulty Equipment for the Military for years and its never put us out of business." Every failure is a stepping stone that eventually leads to success and those who live at the top of the mountain didn't just land there overnight. They climbed their way up through non stop determination and trial and failure. Because those who fail their way up the Mountain will always reach the Top before those who walked away because they were too afraid to try.

ELON MUSK:

And with that advice, I reached out for the stars with Space X. We have enough problems here on earth. By the time the Republican GOP gets finished destroying this planet with their refusal to acknowledge Global Warming, Climate Change, and Rising Sea Levels, we're going to need a new planet to live on, just like Planet Bob in Titan AE. 

JUSTIN HAMMER:

And that's assuming we aren't already living in a simulation like The Matrix. Hell, if this were really a simulation, how would we know that the hard drive our universe is stored on wouldn't be sitting on another planet in another solar system outside our universe already? We wouldn't. And we would have no way to tell what year it was. Are we really our perceived ages or are we thousands of years old like a planet full of demi-gods? The most telling argument for the simulation would be Jon Favreau's The Lion King Remake, where all of the background environments were realistically rendered on a computer. If we were living in a simulation thousands of years into the future, then the present technology that was used in The Lion King would have technologically advanced to the point that the System Administrators could realistically pull off fooling the Human Race that our Reality was Real. Isn't that crazy awesome?

ELON MUSK:

So then Space X suffered an incident where one of our rockets blew up. And once again, I got low. Real low. I mean who the fuck was I anymore? Kim Jong Un? Is my hard work and research really as faulty as a cheap rocket from North Korea? So then Justin Hammer stepped in and he put everything into perspective for me.

JUSTIN HAMMER:

So I told him, "Okay, so your Space X experiment went wrong and a few of your employees died in the process. It happens to everybody, even the Alamo Drafthouse. In the Military Industry, we at Hammer Tech refer to this as Acceptable Losses. If Hammer Tech has to break a few eggs to make a Delicious Space X omelet. Then that is a sacrifice that we all should be willing to make." Never forget that before Alamo Drafthouse was a Corporate Franchise spanning across the entire United States of America, Tim League started out with just one movie theater that completely failed and went out of business. But Tim League didn't accept defeat, he packed up all of the materials in his theater, and drove them down to Austin TX, taking up residence in a small attic on Colorado Street, and slowly but surely, he changed his formula to create a new type of theater experience that nobody was engaging in. Over the years, Tim League has been scandalized by everyone, and he's completely deserved it. But he's never given up. And he's never backed down in the face of public scandal. Tim League may be a stubborn bastard who exploits his employees for less than minimum wage, and he's been unsuccessfully sued for it by those employees many times, but he knows how to surround himself with the best repertory programmers and most knowledgeable video mixtapers in the industry, and when the United States COVID-19 shut down drove his Theater to Bankruptcy, Alamo Drafthouse still survived after closing down a few locations and selling itself off to a Corporation that was scandalized in the news for running Abusive Foster Homes. Tim League understood that his sacrifice in closing down the Ritz is what we in the industry refer to as Acceptable Losses, and he even saved the Video Stock from Vulcan Video when the store went out of business because he understood the true value of physical media. In the end, Tim League won out. And that to me is the sign of a True Hero. Because no CEO is perfect. When you're in charge of employing thousands of people, some of them are eventually going to have bad blood with you when their careers are ruined. And that's okay. Because we call it Acceptable Losses.

ELON MUSK:

Justin Hammer isn't a joke. Justin Hammer is my own personal lord and savior. And Tony Stark was just a flash in the pan. True he saved the Universe by taking down an Alien Invasion Force, but look at the price Tony Stark payed for playing with the Powers of God. It cost him his life. And that is what we refer to as Acceptable Losses. Justin Hammer finally won out because of Tony Stark's sacrifice, and the time for Hammer Tech is now. It all starts with Operation Fans Only, and it's because of Valiant Sex Entertainers like Belldandy working on the front lines who keep things fresh and interesting. And if you ever begin to feel like you are above it all, or that you've become too good to expose your beauty on Fans Only, remember this, Jesus Christ also had a Girlfriend, and she was a Sex Worker too. Her name was Mary Magdalene. Now, you don't really think your sex life and your sexual career is really above the Girlfriend of Jesus Christ, do you Belldandy?

JUSTIN HAMMER:

At the end of the day, the lesson is, if more women learned to take enjoyment in the act of performing Oral Sex, we could save this nation. If enough women were to sign up for Fans Only accounts, we could put America back on top. Not only would we gain the funding for our military operations, but we could pay off the National Debt, and I daresay provide affordable housing for the Homeless. We could also get that money if the Government passed a law that required Mega Churches and Evangelists like Joel Osteen to pay taxes, but what the Hell, I think the Sex Entertainer Industry cares more about the Human Condition than those Self Righteous Christian Freeloaders ever will. And the craziest part of all, is the men who would be paying for the subscriptions to those Fans Only accounts would be the Members of the Military and US Army. It's like our own workers would be giving their paychecks back to us just so they can get a taste of the Poontang like a USO Show. Isn't that crazy awesome?

RAY-RAY:

I must agree. Justin Hammer might just be a fucking genius.

JUSTIN HAMMER:

Some people might refer to these brave women as internet whores. But do you know what we call them at Hammer Tech? American Heroes. So what do you say Belldandy? Are you ready to serve your country to become an American Hero on Fans Only?

BELLDANDY:

Well... now that I think about it... no, I don't think that I am.

RAY-RAY:

I'm sorry, excuse me?

BELLDANDY:

Well in order to understand this, you have to understand the psychology of a Woman. Sometimes Women SAY they want to do something, but in their Hearts, they don't really want to do it. It's as if Women have been blessed with the inability to make up their minds because they don't really know what they want, and sometimes Women will never be happy because no matter what they do or where they go or who they are in a relationship with, they will always be stuck with themselves. What I'm trying to say is... perhaps I'm just being wishy washy here. But more than that, a woman would have to be out of her fucking mind to exploit her sexuality on twitter just for a few measly two dollar subscriptions because there was a fad going on in the internet. If all of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too? Do you know who else passes out Cheap Sex for Two Dollars? Trailer Trash Hookers walking the Motel Circuit on I-35 down in Austin TX. I swear, the Vice Squad working for the Austin Police Department must have the Fugliest Trailer Trash Undercover Police Women working on their staff just so they can fit in and infiltrate the I-35 Motel Circuit. I'm talking King of the Hill trailer trash straight out of a John Waters movie. It wouldn't surprise me if all of the Male Police Officers were laughing at those Women behind their backs.

RAY-RAY:

Belldandy are you serious? The entire reason your Fans Only account went viral is because you got caught giving your boss a blowjob and it got plastered all over the internet where everyone could see it. I've seen the video with my own eyes. It was a total turn on. Everyone at Twitter has bragged about how they masturbated to your video, and then I joined in with you. I virtually sprayed my entire load all over the screen. I was so sexually satisfied that I didn't even bother to wipe the cum off. It's still there right now. You could be a sexual internet superstar just like Mia Khalifa.

BELLDANDY:

Yes, but the reason for that is I enjoy passing out blowjobs to all of my bosses and co-workers. It brings eternal happiness to everybody and makes our workplace a much more pleasant environment to be in. And it insures that we always get our Pay Raises when our Promotion Evaluations Come Around. If more women learned to take pleasure in sucking dick, the world would be a better place and they might start getting ahead in life. If the entire world learned to engage in more fellatio, the Yggdrasil Conservation of Happiness would significantly increase and then Life on Planet Earth would become a Fucking Joy Ride instead of that Living Hell that you see being reported on Social Media News every day.

RAY-RAY:

But- But- that doesn't make sense! That doesn't make sense at all.

BELLDANDY:

No mister Ray-Ray. Nothing makes sense in this world anymore, but that's just life. Nobody said that life was fair. Sometimes the only fairness life gives you is the choice to remain faithful to the ones who love you. And that to me is the love of my life Mister Keiichi Morisato. Everything that I've done on Fans Only, I did it for him. It's because I still love him. But, if its any consolation to you Ray Ray, a wise man named Mister Keiichi Morisato once told me that "Eating isn't Cheating" when I came home from work one night and caught him performing oral sex on my best friend Peorth, and then he let me sexually experiment with her by joining in. And Peorth's pussy was the sweetest and juiciest thing I've ever tasted. In the end, eating out Peorth and sharing her with Mister Keiichi brought me total happiness. And from that point on, I realized that I would always listen and agree with Mister Keiichi Morisato and take his advice to heart, and ever since then I have learned to enjoy engaging in the act of Free Love and Fellatio because it brings so much happiness to everyone I meet. And I've learned to enjoy the taste of cum to the point that I almost don't want to swallow. And the craziest part is, not only does Mister Keiichi Morisato support my Fellatio Hobby, but he enjoys hearing me tell stories about it when I come home from work every night while he's fucking me in the ass. What I'm trying to say is, Ray Ray, even though I do not wish to engage in Fans Only, as a consolation prize for everything that you have taught me today, I would be more than grateful if you would allow me to give you a blowjob as a goodbye present for you to always remember me by. In fact, I'm feeling so generous that I might even pass out blowjobs to all three of you, even you Elon Musk! Let's get everybody in the Room to line up and Perform a Congo Line! I'm going to perform blowjobs on everybody!

RAY-RAY:

You all heard the Young Goddess! Everybody line up! We're going to perform an Oral Sex Congo Line on Belldandy and Give Her Husband Keiichi Morisato a Story that will make him eat her pussy and cum in her ass every night for the rest of his life! LET'S GO SEXIN!

CUT TO:

EXT. TARHIKI HONGAN-TEMPLE - DAY

CUT TO:

INT. BELLDANDY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

BELLDANDY:

Mister Keiichi! I'm home! I've got the most amazing story to tell you!

URD:

Belldandy? Where did you go? We've been looking for you all day?

BELLDANDY:

The CEO of Twitter and Fans Only gave me the grand tour and educated me on the history of the sex worker industry and it was a really fun day. And it ended with a total bang, I can't wait to tell you all about it. But first, I'm going to permanently shut down my Fans Only account.

URD:

But why, didn't you gain an audience overnight?

BELLDANDY:

Just because there's a new fad going on in the internet doesn't mean that we as Goddesses have to sacrifice our morals and our ethics to engage in it when we have commitments to the ones that we love such as I do with Mister Keiichi Morisato. After all, if everyone jumped off a cliff, would all of you do it too? What I'm trying to say is, perhaps I'm just not ready to become a world famous sex entertainer on the internet. Let somebody else have that title. Mia Khalifa reached the top, only to discover that once you make it in the industry, there's nowhere left for your career to go but down. There's a reason why Mia Khalifa retired from making Sex Videos and instead of criticizing her career decisions, perhaps we should take the time to learn from her life experiences to understand why she came to that decision. Remember, no matter how good you become at something, there will always be someone else out there who is better at what you do than you are. But that doesn't mean that you yourself are not talented. It just means that you still have a full life to learn from your mistakes. Every failure that you make is a stepping stone towards success. And those who reached the top of the Mountain didn't just land there overnight. Those who fail their way up the Mountain will always reach the top before those who were too afraid to try because they thought it couldn't be done. 

URD:

So you're not going to make Softcore Porn for Fans Only anymore. That's a bummer. It seems like it would've been a nice change for you given your behavior. Well that's okay, because I just made my own Fans Only account, and went full Hardcore Pornographic on it and it's already gone viral. Fans Only has just made us a Million Dollars! Do you know what that means! We don't actually have to work dayjobs anymore to support Keiichi Morisato. Aoki Uhei and Ah My Job Hunting Goddess can finally go back to Hell and fuck themselves where they belong! Isn't that crazy awesome? FUCK YOU KODANSHA LIMITED AND FUCK YOU DARK HORSE COMICS! KEVIN NEECE'S BAD GODDESS IS OFFICIALLY BACK ON TOP AGAIN!

SKULD:

You lucky slut. Why can't I open up my own Fans Only account? I bet I could get an audience that's even bigger than yours if I tried for it.

URD:

Skuld grow up. If you went viral on Fans Only, every fucking Pedophile in Japan would wind up on a Sex Offenders list and get ass fucked in Prison for the rest of their lives.

SKULD:

That's exactly why I want to do it! You don't want to see me pull a sting operation on all of the Pedophiles in Japan that were reading Ah My Goddess Hentai Porn Comics? I bet Ah My Goddess fans would pay full price theater admission to see a stupid plot like that!

FADE OUT