Kevin Neece made a joke on Twitter this morning that if he was forced to move out of his house, he would move in with Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw, mooching off the both of them with no intention of leaving like the houseguests in Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey. After he made the post online, he kept getting hit up with dialogue scenes for how it could work as an intrusive houseguest comedy that could be added to the end of Death Note War Games.
In the last planned episode Marller Gets a Spinoff: The Disney Wish Contract, Kevin Neece uses his wish contract with Mara Marller to wish her into the CEO role at Disney Entertainment so she could investigate into their alleged occult practices and freemason conspiracy theories. But Wishes usually come in threes, so what if the next movie was about Kevin Neece's Second Wish, and he uses it to move in with Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw (with Skuld Nornir in tow) as an excuse for the four of them to converse with each other on the class differences between their two respective filmmaking roles and personal life responsibility.
Kevin Neece has been blacklisted and forced to live off of his relatives for so many years that he has completely forgotten how to live life as an adult, instead living like a teenager that refuses to work a dayjob, even when he is finally granted the opportunity to fix his own life and his career. And while this is happening, Vivienne Medrano, Charlie Morningstar, and Vaggie have moved into Kevin Neece's house in Austin Texas and have taken over his personal life, and his Black Mirror Video Store Bedroom, in his absence because he took down the entire staff at Spindlehorse Animation and destroyed Vivienne Medrano's film career.
As Kevin Neece and Vivienne Medrano begin to experience life from the other side of the fence, do either of them really want to switch back now that it all seems hopeless and irreversible?
So it's an intrusive houseguest parody with Steven Spielberg, a class difference parody about filmmaking, and a switching life roles parody with Hazbin Hotel.
I am fully aware of the similarities to Aziz Ansari’s Good Fortune. I will try my best not to directly copy it. Aziz Ansari’s film was based on fictional people. Kevin Neece’s Death Note War Games is based on real life people and discussions of real life incidents on social media. Aziz Ansari may have been playing a parody of himself in Good Fortune but that was a one off movie and this is a part of a nine year series. If the final film feels too derivative of Aziz Ansari’s movie then I don’t have to make it. It was just an idea that I was tossing out there.
Ah My Goddess:
Spielbergian Housewarming Gift
Rough Draft 8/23/2026 Part 10
written by Kevin Neece and
Hekate Goddess of the Crossroads
FADE IN:
EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
INT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
Kate Capshaw:
I'm sorry, can we help you?
Skuld:
Surprise Steven! It's Skuld the Amazing and her traveling companion Kevin Neece, come to pay you a special visit!
Steven Spielberg:
Oh no. No no no. I remember you. You're the Death Goddess from Kevin Neece's house that made us travel back in time to save Vic Morrow! I don't want to guest star on Ah My Goddess again! Once was enough!
Kevin Neece:
Well it's like this, somebody on Twitter asked a rhetorical question about what we would do if we were ever forced to move out of the house on Majestic Drive Austin Texas... and it hit me, nothing would please me more than to move into Steven Spielberg's house, lounge around watching his physical media collection, and mooching off of his wife just like the houseguests in Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey. So we cut a deal with the Illuminati and got a one way ticket here! Isn't that crazy awesome Steven?
Steven Spielberg:
You are aware that Odysseus murders all of the unwanted houseguests at the end of that story.
Kevin Neece:
Only if you can string the bow Spielberg. Only if you can string the bow.
Skuld:
This is a big house Steven, haven't you ever had houseguests before?
Steven Spielberg:
Six of them actually... and they were all adopted.
Kevin Neece:
What a coincidence, I had six people living in my house for nearly a decade. How did you get rid of your freeloaders?
Steven Spielberg:
We cut them off and forced them to go out and get jobs.
Kate Capshaw:
And exactly how long were you two planning on staying here?
Kevin Neece:
Well I've still got $200,000 left to my name and my own vehicle. If we just live off of $25 a day for the rest of our lives, and we don't have to pay rent, the money should last us for the next ten years.
Steven Spielberg:
TEN YEARS?!! DID YOU JUST SAY TEN YEARS?!!
Skuld:
What, were you planning on living longer than the next ten years Steven? You're fucking 79 years old, and Jim Neece died at the age of 67. The way that we see it, once Kevin Neece's life savings run out, and Steven Spielberg's life is up, the both of you are going to be totally fucked ten years from now anyways, so you might as well take the time to get to know each other.
Kate Capshaw:
We don't want to get to know Kevin Neece, it sounds like he's a serial killer who blames Hollywood for all of his life problems.
Kevin Neece:
Let's just say that SAG AFTRA's policies towards No Budget Non Union Films didn't help things and leave it at that.
Steven Spielberg:
You're seriously planning on living with us for ten years, with no intention of getting a job?!!
Kevin Neece:
How am I supposed to get a job when I'm blacklisted by SAG AFTRA and nobody in the Retail Industry or Criminal Justice System wants me?
Kate Capshaw:
Steven is the Most Powerful Man in Hollywood. Surely he can pull some strings to get you a dayjob at a coffee shop or monkeying a cash register in a retail store. Do you really want to live the rest of your life as a Teenager when you're 43 years old and your daughter graduated from college? Don't you ever want to work again?
Kevin Neece
I already have a job, I'm an indie filmmaker, all I need is my laptop, my external hard drive files, and we can keep Ah My Goddess running using the same no budget ethics that I've always done. And the best part is, my movies will never cost Amblin Entertainment a fucking dime. You can continue to make your movies your way, I can continue to make my movies my way, without a producer standing over my shoulder, and never the two will meet.
Steven Spielberg:
Are you ever planning to pay anybody for the IP Rights that you use on Ah My Goddess?
Skuld:
We don't have to. Everything is monetized on YouTube anyways. You don't need all of the fancy bells and whistles to make a movie nowadays. You just need an iphone7 and a few willing friends. Sure we don't have an audience like you do, and we probably never will, but at least we still enjoy the process of making our own movies. Shouldn't that be the real contributing factor for someone to make a movie in the first place?
Kate Capshaw:
Making no budget movies on an iphone with your friends is okay when you're first starting out, but if everybody in the film industry made movies like Kevin Neece does, there would never be a Hollywood Film Industry. There wouldn't be any jobs at all. The entire system would collapse.
Kevin Neece:
And what's wrong with that? The entire Hollywood System enriched everyone to the point that they began to get bored with having everything handed to them on a silver platter. So where did they turn to for entertainment? Jeffrey Epstein, the Cult of Baal, and the Child Sex Trafficking Rings. Hayden Panettiere has been working in the film industry since she was 8 months old and it completely destroyed her life and her piece of mind until it killed her. And she's just one child actor example that has been destroyed by the film industry. Nobody is ever going to forget what happened to Heather O'Rourke from Poltergeist, no matter how hard they try.
Steven Spielberg:
Kevin, just because you have friends that can't find anybody to sell their souls to for a Film Industry in, that doesn't mean that they are always supposed to work for free on your movies. You're not impressing anybody by saying you make your films for nothing, you're just telling all of the Hollywood Producers that you were too lazy to raise the money to pay anyone.
Skuld:
It's not that we're too lazy, it's that nobody has ever financially donated to us when we do online fundraisers. United States Congress is not allowed to use their Campaign Funds to donate to our movies. Vivienne Medrano was able to raise the money for Hazbin Hotel after she sunk her own money into the Pilot Film, but that was an original movie with actual animation and a voice cast. Our films are classifiable as fan fiction and nobody feels compelled to help us make them. And it's entirely because they claim there is no craft involved. As if the movies were just fabricated out of thin air by themselves without any effort being put into them. The only reason they exist is because we know how to make them for nothing.
Steven Spielberg:
Sure we make movies to tell stories, but there is a bottom line to making films, you have to pay people for the work that they do. In order for these people to work their jobs, they have to have film productions for them to work on. In order for those film productions to exist, you have to raise the money to pay them. In order to raise that money, you have to convince a Producer that you have the ability to return their investment to them. You have completely bypassed all of that because you figured out how to make movies for nothing! Even if you have total creative freedom, has anybody ever taken the time to watch your films or even listen to you at all?
Kevin Neece:
Well that's my problem to deal with and not yours. I don't need your film industry connections. I don't need your celebrity parties. I don't need your money. I just need your company and your advice. If you keep an extensive physical media film library it would be helpful, I just donated my last video collection to Vivienne Medrano, along with my Black Mirror Witchcraft Setup, and my old bedroom.
CUT TO:
EXT KEVIN NEECE'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
INT KEVIN NEECE'S BEDROOM
Vivienne Medrano:
Hey Charlie, check it out. In the Third Bottom Drawer, this guy has got one of the most amazing collections of Hardcore Porn I've ever seen in my life. He literally bought the entire Vinegar Syndrome Collection! We could watch one movie every day per year without ever watching the same movie twice!
Charlie Morningstar:
That's not all. He didn't take the Black Mirror with him either. Do you remember those rumors that he could invoke Natural Disasters and Volcano Eruptions by screening Fictional Movies into the Black Mirror?
Vaggie:
We should totally have a Volcano Party!
CUT TO:
EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
INT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
Steven Spielberg:
You two didn't show up here with a Moving Van did you?
Kevin Neece:
Nope, just the Laptop, the External Hard Drive, and the Clothes on our Backs. We assumed that you already own everything anyways.
Skuld:
Those nice suits you wear... do you buy those from a store, or do you pay a Tailor to make them?
Steven Spielberg:
Everything that I wear is Tailor Made.
Kevin Neece:
I don't actually go shopping for my own clothes, I usually just throw on whatever my mother would bring back from her monthly vacations. Fun Fact: Dolly Parton was rich as fuck, and she still chose to take her grandchildren shopping at K-Mart for their School Clothes because they gave her better bargains.
Kate Capshaw:
We don't go shopping at Retail Stores. We pay people to do that for us.
Skuld:
Do you still make homecooked meals? Debbie Brand used to cook us homecooked meals.
Steven Spielberg:
Why would anybody expect us to cook our own meals? We're rich.
Kevin Neece:
Well you like creating your own movies. One would assume you would enjoy creating your own food. Cooking Food can be an artform just like writing films you know.
Kate Capshaw:
I took a step back from making movies to focus on our personal family life.
Skuld:
What about the Gas Guzzler Sinot Superyacht that everybody keeps giving Steven Spielberg shit for? Do we get to travel around Italy with you too? Jim Neece used to have his own sail boat on Lake Travis.
Steven Spielberg:
Did Jim Neece give jobs to 30 people to work on his sailboat and serve 14 guests?
Kevin Neece:
No, but my father did take all of his friends out on that sailboat anyways, without all of the fancy bells and whistles. He knew how to sail the boat himself.
Steven Spielberg:
And once again... it's not just about owning a fancy boat. It's about giving people jobs so they can wait on our guests. The guests that travel with us produce movies that give people jobs.
Skuld:
And all of those jobs are being performed in the service of servicing you two at the top of the food chain. So tell me Steven, do you still travel on commercial flights or do you own your own private airplane?
Kate Capshaw:
We own two private airplanes, one of which is worth $70 Million. It's really helpful for Steven's Job getting from place to place without having to go through TSA.
Kevin Neece:
What's wrong with the commercial airlines? We wait in line and go through security just like everybody else and it's not the pain in the ass that everyone thinks it is. My daughter knows how to get in and out of the airports on her own better than I do. I never travel anywhere outside the Austin City Limits without a guide to handle the travel arrangements.
Steven Spielberg:
I'll tell you exactly what's wrong with the airports. TMZ News, the Papparazzi, Unwanted Fan Attentions. What's so wrong with owning our own airplanes? We've got the money for it.
Skuld:
But lots of other actors travel on commercial airlines, like Director Kevin Smith, or Bruce Campbell, those people are famous, but they still have to mingle with the commoners to get from place to place.
Kevin Neece:
You know what happens when you travel on private airlines? You wind up traveling with people like Jeffrey Epstein. And then you get invited to parties at private islands like Little Saint James Island. And then one day, those people get scandalized on the news and now everyone who pays to watch your movies now believes you are guilty because your name is on the flight logs. Those scandals probably wouldn't have happened to you if you had simply had the balls to fly first class on a commercial airline in the first place. I've flown first class. It was pretty nice.
Kate Capshaw:
Yes Kevin, flying first class gets us seated next to Serial Killers like you. Shouldn't we be calling the cops right now?
Skuld:
Actually, the question you both should be asking yourselves is, how are the both of you still alive if Steven Spielberg's name was in the Epstein Files and Kevin Neece killed everyone on that list with a Death Note.
Steven Spielberg:
She's right. Why did you spare our lives during the Death Note War?
Kevin Neece:
I didn't spare your lives during the Death Note War. I couldn't tell who was guilty or who was innocent, so I took you all and let God sort you out. The only reason you two are alive right now is because I made a wish contract with Mara Marller representing the Niddhog HQ Staff and it created an alternate reality where you are still alive. Once the contract is broken and we both leave, the both of you are going back to Niflheim where you belong. So it's time to saddle in Spielberg, because the both of us are about to be stuck together for a very long time.
Steven Spielberg:
Kate, forget the police... get the Lawyer on the phone.
CUT TO:
EXT MOUNT ZYPHON SYRIA - DAY
CUT TO:
INT MOUNT ZYPHON TEMPLE - DAY
The Lawyer
Elijah Wood:
I'm sorry Steven, but the Illuminati needed a way to cut our losses so we could regroup, restructure, and rebuild. Granting Kevin Neece a wish contract was the only way we could mediate with him. As per the Illuminati's agreement with the staff of Niddhog HQ, you are required to keep Kevin Neece and Skuld Nornir as Houseguests for an indefinite period that determines the span of both your lives. If you break that agreement, then we are all going to be back to square one with how to deal with this issue. He's not asking you to advance his career Steven. He's already got his own money to pay for his gas, his auto insurance, and his food. He just wants to experience life from the other side of the fence without selling his soul in the process. Is that too much to ask for? If you fuck us on this, we will be forced to expel both of you from the group.
CUT TO:
EXT. STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
INT. STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
Steven Spielberg:
Kate... the Illuminati says that we're both completely fucked.
Skuld:
But on the plus side, this is going to be like our trips to Roy Neece's Lake House in Saginaw. You don't even have to invite both of us to the Oscars, we can just make some popcorn and watch the show from your own living room!
Kate Capshaw:
I have one question to ask about the White Elephant in the Room? Kevin... are you Vic Morrow come back from the Dead?
Kevin Neece
Technically yes, but I don't have any actual past life memories of being Vic Morrow that could prove it. It just looks like I'm Vic Morrow because of the way that the Numerology Dates and Coincidences interconnect and match up. If you placed Vic Morrow and Kevin Neece in the same room with each other side by side, we would both look like two completely different people, and yet somehow, we are supposed to be the same person connected by the same recycled soul, does that make sense to you?
Skuld:
But look on the bright side Steven, at least you both know that Gilgul Reincarnation exists for the Jewish Community... with its ups and downs of course. Remember, what you do in one life can result in serious consequences for you in the next one. Right now, Steven Spielberg is the Most Powerful Man in Hollywood, but in your next life, if you're lucky enough to even get a next life, you could be born to a South American Prostitute and grow up driving trucks full of unstable dynamite for a living, just like William Friedkin's Sorcerer.
Kevin Neece:
It's not funny Steven. It's not funny at all. I was decapitated by a fucking helicopter in my past life, on a film production that was supposed to save my career. And look at all of the trouble that it just caused me in my next life. The Goddess Hotline Office did this to me, and they could be about to do it to you. Because Steven Spielberg was born with a FATE = 32 Numerology just like I was, and it resulted in the Goddess Hotline Office manipulating his entire film career. So consider our time together to be your own personal wake up call. Consider the both of us to be your Jacob Marley and the Ghost of Christmas Future.
CUT TO:
EXT. STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
END OF ACT ONE
----
BEGINNING OF ACT TWO
EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
Music Cue: Stanley Kubrick's The Shining Opening Credits Score
SCROLLING TITLE CARD:
ONE WEEK LATER
CUT TO:
INT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE DAY
Kate Capshaw:
Kevin... before we take this any further, we're going to have to politely ask you to sign some release forms and paperwork... just for our own personal legal safety.
Kevin Neece:
Aghast... I sense a lack of trust here. Have I done anything to offend you?
Steven Spielberg:
Kevin... Vic... just sign on the dotted line.
Skuld:
Is this supposed to be a Devil's Bargain?
Kate Capshaw:
We had our lawyers look into your online background, and you have a nasty habit of writing and releasing tell all autobiographies and whistleblower films about virtually everyone that you meet throughout your life, which is every Hollywood Filmmaker's Worst Nightmare. And you're staying in our house!
Kevin Neece:
You don't mean to imply that we of all people would put your personal private lives on display on Social Media for the general public like TMZ would, do you? What do you think we're going to do, turn you into our next Ah My Goddess movie for the United States Congress?
Steven Spielberg:
Yes Kevin! That's exactly what we believe you came here to do! You want to live under our roof like one of our Teenage Adopted Children? Then Sign it Sergeant Saunders!
Skuld:
Relax everybody, I'm the Goddess of the Future. It's not like they're representatives of Satan asking you to make incest anti-christ babies with your own sister.
Kate Capshaw:
One look at you two and it doesn't take a Goddess with a Crystal Ball to see into our Future.
Skuld:
Actually, that's kind of a misunderstanding. At one point in time, everything that is about to happen in the future winds up becoming the Past sooner or later. So in some ways, I'm as much a Past Historian on Human Nature as my sister Urd is supposed to be, if you get my drift.
Steven Spielberg:
What exactly do you both do together with your time when you're not writing Witchcraft Cursed Ah My Goddess Fan Films? We haven't seen either of you attempt to leave this house within the Past Week.
Kevin Neece:
That's because the FBI showed up while you were at work and made the both of us wear these Ankle Monitor Bracelets. The US Government and the Illuminati couldn't figure out what to do with us, so they put us both under House Arrest. It's okay everybody, we can still pay for our food using Debit Credit Cards and Door Dash.
Kate Capshaw:
The FBI was here and you didn't tell us?
Skuld:
Actually, we've been sending email correspondence to the FBI and the CIA for the past nine years, so it's pretty normal for the both of us to receive visits from the US Government. At one point Kevin Neece enquired the Freedom of Information Act only to discover that somebody at the FBI Headquarters had all knowledge of him erased from the System.
Steven Spielberg:
What the fucking hell could you two possibly be informing on? Yourselves? You're both Occultist Serial Killers who obsess over Hollywood Movies! You took the Ah My Goddess Children's Show and practically turned it into a Remake of Dexter and Final Destination!
Kevin Neece:
That is exactly what we do with our time. We watch Hollywood Movies accompanied by the Spiritual Presence of Hekate Goddess of the Crossroads, then we monitor the Death Incidents that manifest on Social Media News looking for Thematic Coincidences to the films that we watch. Once we spot them, we blog them, and send the articles out to the Homicide Detectives, the News Stations, and all of the Foreign Intelligence Agencies so they can track and study Hekate's Movements as a Death Goddess. So it's not like we've been sitting around doing nothing with our lives. We do serve some kind of purpose for the Criminal Justice System.
Kate Capshaw:
What do you mean Hekate Goddess of the Crossroads? Where has she been hiding?
Skuld:
Hekate is an invisible spiritual presence who domains the Spirit Underworld and helps people cross over into the Afterlife. But she pretty much follows Kevin Neece everywhere like the Belldandy Wish from the Anime Show in Real Life. So basically, all of the Murders and Death Incidents in the United States were originating from our House at Majestic Drive Austin Texas for the Past Nine Years... and then when we packed up and moved locations here... the Death Goddesses followed us like the movie Poltergeist. You can't see them, you can't hear them, but now they're your roommates, and there is nothing that either of you can do about it.
Steven Spielberg:
This has been your life for the Past Nine Years?
Kevin Neece:
Nobody in the Film Industry or Retail Industry wanted to give me a Job because I was blacklisted by the Alamo Drafthouse and SAG AFTRA. So the Shinigami's from Death Note hired me and designated me as the Demi-God Who Takes Out the Trash.
Kate Capshaw:
Well then... at least that's one job you can do around the house. Our children used to take out the trash... grudgingly.
Skuld:
Kevin was a caregiver for his Grandmother in Assisted Living for nearly a decade... while she was in a Wheelchair. He did medication runs, doctor's appointments, restaurant visits, nighlty emergency calls to the emergency room, and he was never officially employed by the Barton Hills Assisted Living. Once Naomi Peterson died... they threw everyone out and tore down the building to make Condos. Good Riddence to Bad Rubbish. That place was terrible and smelled like Rotten Cabbage on Thursdays. The only good thing that came out of that place was their yearly Thanksgiving Turkey Dinners. I would rather drop dead that be forced to live in a place like that for ten years.
Steven Spielberg:
Oh sure, you would both rather drop dead, so you subjected your own grandmother to a fate worse than death and invited all of the freeloaders to take over her house.
Kevin Neece:
Is it my fault that she needed round the clock supervision? Why should my mother sacrifice her retirement years to take care of someone that never appreciated her when she could just as easily assign someone like me to the job? It's not like I was financially contributing to the household. My grandmother didn't exactly work dayjobs either. She volunteered at Arthur Brand's Poke e Joe's Barbeque Restaurant when he was still alive. Then she married her Neighbor Windom so she wouldn't have to work and could spend her life on vacation. She volunteered as a Sunday School teacher at the local church. She was a landlord for several houses, but she sold all of her properties to the tenants for significantly less than what they were worth so they could turn around and profit by selling their houses and move to better neighborhoods. If she hadn't been such a Charitable Christian, she could have afforded a better assisted living location than what she was forced to live in until the day she died.
Kate Capshaw:
You're a Witch and an Occultist... who was married to a Death Goddess Spirit Wife... and it sounds like the only reason your entire family wasn't put out on the streets is because you were related to Christians who had money.
Skuld:
Trust me on this. The money was all but spent. We ran out of relatives to take care of us because they kept dying on us from old age. Whatever we've got in our bank account, that is the last of it, because that was the last of our relatives.
Steven Spielberg:
Bet you made a movie about her.
Kevin Neece:
Shut up Steven, your best movie was about your mother cheating on your father with Seth Rogan.
Steven Spielberg:
You would sell tickets to your own father's funeral just to make a movie wouldn't you?
Kevin Neece:
Jim Neece wanted me to video document that day of his funeral. He needed the Police Detectives to monitor who attended the funeral in case Foul Play was suspected.
Steven Spielberg:
So what did you do with the movie after you gave it to the Police.
Kevin Neece:
I self distributed Danny My Boy on DVD to all of the Goodwill Thrift Stores.
Steven Spielberg:
I hereby rest my case.
Kevin Neece:
I should have gotten an Oscar for that performance really. I practically improvised the entire film on the spot all in one take after pulling an All Nighter on A Certain Magical Pimpdex.
Steven Spielberg:
Oh you should have gotten an Oscar should you? Are you a trained actor?
Kevin Neece:
I don't even know how to memorize screenplays. My training is in Live Television Broadcast.
Steven Spielberg:
So you were on Live Television?
Kevin Neece:
No, I interned on Austin Public Access in the Control Room. Eddie Rotten wanted to put me on Zombie Life TV, instead he bumped me for a guest that had already previously been on the show several times and then the show got cancelled because of a Producer Abusive Relationship Scandal. I did get to meet Frank Oz from Little Shop of Horrors during South by Southwest.
Steven Spielberg:
So you know Director Frank Oz?
Kevin Neece:
No, Frank Oz blocked me online like all of the other filmmakers.
Steven Spielberg:
Do you know why Frank Oz blocked you online Kevin?
Kevin Neece:
Because I'm an Occultist Serial Killer and everyone thinks the Haunting of Ah My Goddess means I'm delusional?
Steven Spielberg:
Godfather, you know everything.
Skuld:
It's okay Kevin, we still love you.
Kate Capshaw:
You know that's the funny thing about our Fanbase. We depend on them to buy our movies to pay for all of this, then they think they know us better than we know ourselves when they've never even set foot on a movie set.
Kevin Neece:
Just what are you trying to say here? That I'm not a real filmmaker? I've heard these accusations before and they always come from somebody that didn't bother to watch the movies from start to finish.
Steven Spielberg:
What we're trying to say here is... you don't make movies... in the same way that we all make movies. It sounds like you've never been on a professional movie set before.
Kevin Neece:
The iphone7 method of filmmaking isn't all that different from the 16mm fan films that Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell made as Teenagers before they hit it big with the Evil Dead series. What I'm saying is, it's not the make of the camera that matters, it's the people and the images that you put in front of the camera and how you edit it all together.
Kate Capshaw:
What editing? Everything that you made in Live Action was done in Long Extended Takes and Cut Together like you had One Master and No Accompanying Footage to work with. Who are you supposed to be, Cecil B Demented, the Ultimate Auteur?
Skuld:
What about Alfred Hitchcock's Rope? or Josh Becker's Running Time? Or Birdman The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance?
Steven Spielberg:
Those movies were based on actual screenplays with Paid Actors. They were staged, plotted, and planned out like Shot on Screen Stage Plays. Kevin Neece's Live Action movies look like he just made shit up on the spot while his Drag Queen Friends did all of the work for him. I don't see any Kevin Neece Live Action movies that look like they were based on written screenplays. Those movies looked like actual movies... Kevin Neece's movies... don't.
Kate Capshaw:
Everything that you've made over the Past Nine Years was based on somebody else's movies. Like when Tim Burton was criticized for making too many remakes and adaptations so he could Tim Burtonize the Films with his Creepy Production Values. And it's entirely because you were raised on films by people like Quentin Tarantino or Kevin Smith from View Askew. Everyone knows that Quentin Tarantino steals all of the elements of his films from earlier movies to such an extent that they've just grown to accept it.
Kevin Neece:
So you want to go down that rabbit hole do you? Somebody once said that when you make a movie, don't try to copy what other directors did, be original enough so that everyone else will one day want to copy you. Steven Spielberg made Jaws... so the copycats made Jaws Sequels and Foreign Film Knockoffs that were all compared to it. But Six Years before Jaws was released, Samuel Fuller and Burt Reynolds made a movie called Shark that was picked up by TROMA. I've never seen it, I'm sure the comparisons are coincidental, but everything is inspired by something previous in some way or another.
Skuld:
Indiana Jones was inspired by Action Adventure Serials from the 1930s and 1940s, and the Thugees from Temple of Doom were directly stolen from a 1930s Cary Grant movie called Gunga Din, which featured an Indian Face performance by Sam Jaffe, born to Russian Jewish Immigrants. The Last Crusade features the Holy Grail from the musical Camelot in 1967, then Monty Python and the Holy Grail in 1975, then Excalibur in 1981, to name a few before it got co-opted for Last Crusade in 1989. Steven Spielberg didn't even want to make a Third Indiana Jones movie after his disappointment with Temple of Doom. He just wanted to jump on the Bandwagon and make a James Bond movie, and the producers rejected him.
Steven Spielberg:
The producers of James Bond had their chance with me. They couldn't afford me today if they wanted me.
Kevin Neece:
Then I guess you're not a real fan of the Daniel Craig James Bond movies, because if you had really wanted the job, you would have made those James Bond movies for Scale just to have your name attached to the series. Beggers cannot be choosers Steven. I would drag you into my Ah My Goddess series and put you in my movies just to teach you a lesson.
Steven Spielberg:
No Kevin, I just don't like the idea of being financially exploited by the Major Studios. Somebody's going to get paid from my movies, it might as well be me for putting the work in on them.
Kevin Neece:
That's the problem Steven. You and SAG AFTRA believe that we didn't deserve to be paid for our efforts, because you believe our films are bad movies. So kindly fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Shall we continue.
Skuld:
Indiana Jones was produced by George Lucas, who only hit it big because of Star Wars, but the original Star Wars movie was directly based on Akira Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress. George Lucas claims that R2D2 and 3CPO were both based on the Two Thieves, but in reality, it's all of the main characters. The only element missing from the Hidden Fortress was the Death Star itself. George Lucas acts like he had an entire mythology based around Star Wars, but nope, it was the Hidden Fortress, and most of his Aliens from the Star Wars Prequels are based on Offensive Racial Stereotypes. He stole from a Japanese Filmmaker like Akira Kurosawa, then he took a big shit on Akira Kurosawa's Japanese Culture with the Japanese Stereotype Aliens in The Phantom Menace.
Kevin Neece:
Hook was based by Peter Pan, but the Character Design for Dustin Hoffman was directly based on the Disney Depiction of Captain Hook, so the Disney connection was intentional. You made four remakes, Twilight Zone The Movie Kick the Can, War of the Worlds, West Side Story, and The BFG which already had an animated adaptation. And while Schindler's List was based on a True Story, you wanted Billy Wilder to make it because of his work on Stalag 17 and he convinced you to make the movie yourself.
Skuld:
And let's not forget the most important two films of all, Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Ready Player One. Both movies based on Pop Culture with Cameo Characters from other movies.
Steven Spielberg:
Yes, but in all fairness... nobody ever topped Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Every time somebody makes a film in Animation Live Action format, they say it's the next Roger Rabbit because that's their only basis for comparison. Space Jam, Wreck It Ralph, Looney Tunes Back in Action by Joe Dante from Gremlins, Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers, Tom and Jerry The Movie Remake, and now we've got Coyote vs Acme. And none of those films will ever be as Good as Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Kevin Neece:
Gotcha Steven. The Detective Plot for Who Framed Roger Rabbit was based on the Third Planned but never made Sequel to Roman Polanski's Chinatown. So basically the Third Chinatown movie got produced before the second Chinatown movie The Two Jakes.
Skuld:
Everyone brags about what a technical marvel Who Framed Roger Rabbit was, but before Roger Rabbit could run, Disney taught you how to walk with Song of the South, which is why Brer Bear has a cameo in the Roger Rabbit movie. Then Ralph Bakshi did an Animation with Live Action Backgrounds parody of Song of the South in the 1970s called Coonskin which resulted in protestors smoke bombing the theaters.
Kevin Neece:
And before Song of the South there was Gene Kelly dancing with Tom and Jerry in The Worry Song from Anchors Aweigh. And lets not forget Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarves which featured Animated Snow White walking in and out of live action forest backgrounds. Somebody asked Disney if they were still able to make movies like Snow White and they said that they couldn't because they never learned how to do it.
Steven Spielberg:
And in 1936, Max Fleischer made Popeye meets Sinbad the Sailor which features a sequence where Popeye walks through a live action background cave similar to what you just described in Disney's Snow White. Yes there were previous examples that let up to Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but our film was the ultimate realization of Live Action Actors interacting with Animated Characters and it was hand drawn during a time period decades before you all had access to AI Deepfakes that could animate your cartoons and bring photographs to life. What we did on Who Framed Roger Rabbit was very difficult. What you did on the Ah My Goddess Pollo AI Cartoons made it look easy, like anyone could now do what we did, but none of the shots cut together and the voices weren't in sync.
Kevin Neece:
But that's because AI Deepfakes are still in their walk before you can run stages. And nobody wants the technology to progress any further because it removes the human element from it. There are reportedly 300 films on Netflix right now by the Major Studios that incorporate Generative AI, so it's not the studios that have a problem with the technology, they just don't want no budget filmmakers like me to have access to it because it allows me to deepfake the actors without paying them for it. The Merger with Paramount and Warner Brothers might be beneficial to me because it's going to result in Paramount moving to Austin Texas where I was born and raised, but 4,500 people from the film industry are about to find themselves out of work because of that. I finally got my wish to animate my cartoons, and now that the technology exists, I can't use it because it's going to put everyone out of work just like I've been since 2010.
Skuld:
And getting back to the subject of Ready Player One... if you have no intentions of directing Ready Player Two yourself, then that means that you secretly don't have faith in your own project, as if you are being forced to make the movies by the studios. If you don't believe in the movie, then you shouldn't be making it at all.
Kate Capshaw:
What's your favorite film in the Jurassic Park franchise?
Skuld:
Sincerely, every time I watch the Original Jurassic Park, a part of me wishes that the studios had just left it alone and never made any sequels at all.
Kate Capshaw:
But if you had to pick a Jurassic Park sequel, which one would be the most entertaining?
Skuld:
Everyone believes that Jurassic Park III was the best one in hindsight, because it was made by Cult Director Joe Johnston, from Disney's The Rocketeer and Captain America The First Avenger.
Kate Capshaw:
If Steven had directed Jurassic Park III himself, then Joe Johnston never would have gotten the chance to step up to the plate, and he wouldn't have gotten the job for Captain America The First Avenger. Just because you made something, doesn't mean that all of the decision making has to come directly from you. Sometimes you need to let others into the loop.
Kevin Neece:
We did offer to give creative control of Ah My Goddess back to Kodansha Ltd. They didn't want it. I'm going to be stuck making this show for the rest of my life because I don't know how to make anything else. It's like when Elvis Presley wanted to do a World Tour and visit Europe, but Colonel Tom Parker wouldn't let him because he was an illegal immigrant and didn't have a passport. So instead Colonel Tom Parker just broadcast Elvis Presley worldwide via Satellite. Yes, I can make any movie I want, with any actors I want, about any subject I want, without censorship from the Ratings Boards because the films are NC-17 equivalent. But they have to take place in the Ah My Goddess Universe because those are the characters that I have to work with. So it's about the Three Fates and the Goddess Hotline Office interacting with Modern Day Society. Internet Culture and Social Media simply did not exist back when Ah My Goddess was produced back in 2005, so the show was trapped in the 1990s for thirty years in a fantasy world that just doesn't adhere to reality.
Skuld:
Please Listen to Reason Mr Spielberg. Don't make Ready Player Two if you don't believe in the movie. It's the exact same situation that you had with Jurassic Park the Lost World. Michael Crichton and Ernest Cline didn't write their sequels because they were good ideas, they wrote them because it was making them money. Those sequels were forced ideas just like JAWS 2, JAWS 3D, and JAWS THE REVENGE.
Steven Spielberg:
Yes Skuld. That's exactly why we're making Ready Player Two. It's the Money! Somebody has to pay for all of this Luxury so that you two can mooch off of my living room television and live in this nice house! We have to bring in the money somehow! We have to make Ready Player Two so we can give people jobs and they can make money! Do you understand!
Kevin Neece:
But none of the fans actually liked Ready Player One. We liked it. I even bootlegged the Alamo Drafthouse Preshow. but nobody else on the internet liked it. If they didn't think the first movie got the book right, they're not going to think the second one is an improvement. It's like George Lucas putting Aliens in Indiana Jones and everyone's faces begin to melt off.
Steven Spielberg:
Stop listening to the internet Kevin! The entire reason you murdered everyone from the Epstein Investigation is because you listened to the internet instead of actually doing your research! And look where it got you! Now you're living with me under house arrest! What the fuck are you, the Animaniacs?
Skuld:
The Animaniacs are Three Siblings. Ah My Goddess are Three Sisters. Yakko Warner was voiced by Robert Paulson, who worked on The Mask Animated Series for Dark Horse Comics, the american publishers of Ah My Goddess. You can run but you can't hide Steven. The Three Fates are everywhere.
Kate Capshaw:
Well do you think the Goddesses of Fate can be in our Dining Room for the Next Two Hours? Even Hekate Goddess of the Crossroads has got to eat sometime.
Steven Spielberg:
Our Children are about to show up to Dinner.
Skuld:
You mean the Seven Princes of Hell?
Kate Capshaw:
That is one way you could describe them.
Skuld:
Well you are Hollywood Royalty. And you met on a Pagan Blood Sacrifice Movie.
Steven Spielberg:
Do you both think you can be civil?
Kevin Neece:
Why would we want to intrude on your family dinner? Does it look like I know how to juggle dialogue between 11 people? I couldn't stand conversing with 6 people at my own family dinners, so usually I just eat my goddamn food and keep my goddamn mouth shut while my ex-wife does all of the talking.
Kate Capshaw:
That's perfect! You should both do that!
CUT TO:
EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
Music Cue: Stanley Kubrick's The Shining Opening Credits Score
SCROLLING TITLE CARD:
SPIELBERG FAMILY DINNER
CUT TO:
INT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S DINING ROOM - DAY
Steven Spielberg:
You're both in luck... most of the family backed out at the last minute. Guess you only get to meet Jessica and Theo for now.
Theo Spielberg:
And who is this guy sitting next to us.
Kate Capshaw:
That guy? He's the Demi-God that Takes Out the Trash.
Theo Spielberg:
So you're guest housing Demi-Gods now? That doesn't surprise me.
Steven Spielberg:
What is that supposed to imply?
Theo Spielberg:
Nothing. Nothing.
----
Mr High and Mighty, Holier than God, Lord of the Entertainment Industry who can do no wrong.
Skuld:
Never forget that Jesus Christ was Jewish before his own Critics crucified him.
Jessica Capshaw:
Clearly Theo hasn't been to the theater to see Disclosure Day just yet.
Steven Spielberg:
They seem to think that you and your siblings are the Seven Princes of Hell.
Theo Spielberg:
I could understand that metaphor.
Steven Spielberg:
It's not a metaphor. They think it's literal.
Kate Capshaw:
In some ways, you could be the Seven Demons from DC Comic's Shazam.
Theo Spielberg:
I AM SHAZAM!
Jessica Capshaw:
NO! I AM SHAZAM!
Steven Spielberg:
You could actually learn a few lessons about career appreciation by reading Kevin Neece's autobiography. The only reason he's an indie filmmaker is because, get this, he couldn't get a job since 2010 because he walked out on a Dishwasher Gig at Alamo Drafthouse. Then he became a Theater Pirate and took the theater for 350 preshows and nobody tried to arrest him! If any of you ever wind up in the position that Kevin Neece is in, I'll finish you off myself.
Jessica Capshaw:
I consider myself to be very lucky to have had my television career. Ten Years on Grey's Anatomy isn't something to complain about.
Theo Spielberg:
I'm an aspiring musician. I haven't exactly set the world on fire like dear old dad here, but at least I didn't have success handed to me on a silver platter overnight. Where's the fun in that?
Jessica Capshaw:
As long as we're on the subject, I'm trying to raise the money for our next film production.
Steven Spielberg:
Not a goddamn dime.
Jessica Capshaw:
But Steven, Eddie Murphy gave his daughter $5 Million for one of her film productions.
Kate Capshaw:
Yes, and Eddie Murphy immediately cut his daughter off and blocked her messages when he realized she was irresponsible with his money and wasn't making any progress on the film production.
Kevin Neece:
Oh for fuck's sake, just give the screenplay to me. I don't need $5 Million to make one of my movies. You can use the film as a test video to show the investors to raise the money for the real one, just like Ed Wood did for the Baptist Producers on Plan Nine from Outer Space. They wanted to raise money to make thirteen movies about the Apostles, so they invested in a Sci Fi Movie that was sellable so they could raise the money for the Jesus Christ Apostle films.
Steven Spielberg:
You always said that you wanted more LGBTQ on Live Television. Kevin used to make music documentaries with Drag Queens and Transgender Actors from Austin Texas. He shot them all using his iphone7 and released them all online for free.
Jessica Capshaw:
You're putting me on! Are your films an underground hit with the Trans Community?
Skuld:
Not exactly. Christeene Vale should have set his career as a Cult Filmmaker for life because of her online popularity, but nobody knows the underground concert movie exists because it doesn't pop up in a youtube search for Christeene Vale, and the artist refuses to acknowledge his existence to the general public.
Theo Spielberg:
Sounds like somebody didn't clear permissions rights to shoot the video.
Steven Spielberg:
Yes Theo, he didn't clear permissions rights for his entire film career and it resulted in him being blacklisted by the entire voice actor entertainment industry because of regulations from SAG AFTRA. Sean Astin refused to acknowledge him or respond to him when he took his case to them because he accused them of putting him in a position where he was exploited by Kodansha Ltd and Dark Horse Comics.
Theo Spielberg:
So how did he wind up staying here in your house?
Kate Capshaw:
They used witchcraft to replicate a Death Note and then he mass murdered everyone on the Jeffrey Epstein Investigation and Little Saint James Flight Logs list. The FBI and the Illuminati couldn't figure out what to do with them so they sentenced them both to house arrest here for the next ten years. By technical definition, Kevin Neece and Skuld Nornir are serial killers that target Hollywood Actors and Police Officers.
Jessica Capshaw:
Did you just say TEN YEARS?
Theo Spielberg:
Did you just say SERIAL KILLERS?
Skuld:
I'm the Angel of Death from Norse Paganism. In case anyone was wondering. All of the Death Incidents in the United States are now originating from a Spiritual Presence that now lives in this house with us named Hekate Goddess of the Crossroads.
(beat)
Theo Spielberg:
Actually, that doesn't surprise me at all either. What do you both think we've been eating for the past ten minutes?
Kevin Neece:
Well it doesn't taste like steak. It doesn't taste like Veal either.
Kate Capshaw:
You should try the sauce. The sauce makes the dish.
Skuld:
It's kind of like chicken... but it doesn't look like chicken. The last time I tasted something like this was when we used to visit Papua New Guinea. Along the banks of the Nedeiram Kabur River to be precise.
Cue the Soundtrack to Stanley Kubrick's The Shining Opening Credits Score
Steven Spielberg:
That's because we're Cannibals Skuld. The Cult of Baal is a Jewish Religion. In some ways our family have a bigger body count than you do.
(beat)
Kevin Neece:
Are you insinuating that this meal we're eating actually once had a name and a social security number?
Kate Capshaw:
Well, we were planning on eating leftovers, but somebody kept raiding our fridge late at night, and you did say you wanted to experience my home cooking. So we whipped up a little something special just for you Kevin. We call this dish: The Jennifer Jason Leigh Special. With a side of Noah Baumbach. And we're having Roman Baumbach Soufflé for Dessert.
Skuld:
Damn dude. Jennifer Jason Leigh really does taste like Chicken. The Spielbergs just made you eat your own daughter from a Past Life.
Kevin Neece:
In some ways, Jennifer Jason Leigh was the long lost daughter I never knew.
Steven Spielberg:
Jennifer Jason Leigh was one of the few actresses who stood up to me with her lawyers over the wrongful death of Vic Morrow, fully knowing that I was one of the Hollywood Elites and that I could destroy her career. And despite this, she still managed to have a film career spanning 114 Films and Television Shows, without ever coming into contact with one of my Production Companies like Amblin or Dreamworks. Her last show was called "Something Bad is About to Happen" and she was damn right about that.
Kate Capshaw:
We considered digging up Barbara Turner so we could roast her bones over a Barbeque but that seemed to be a little too extreme.
Skuld:
We researched Jennifer Jason Leigh's film career for John Candy is a Satanist, and every actor that has worked on one of her films can be connected to movies involving Witchcraft and the Occult. She was being haunted by Hekate Goddess of the Crossroads her entire life because of her relation to Vic Morrow, and she never even knew it.
Kevin Neece:
You know, when I was a young teenager in the 1990s, back during the Mom and Pop VHS Rental Days before the invention of Internet Porn, I tried to masturbate to Jennifer Jason Leigh's sex scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Now that I look back on that, knowing that I may have been her biological father in my past life, and how the Spiritual Deities from Norse Mythology used to engage in Incest and Pedophilia, it all comes together and makes sense now.
Steven Spielberg:
Is there a point to this story?
Kevin Neece:
More like a punchline really.
Steven Spielberg:
And what is the punchline to this sick and twisted practical joke from the Fates?
Kevin Neece:
Wouldn't be the first time that I've masturbated to someone that I wound up eating.
Theo Spielberg:
You see Kevin, those people that you targeted from the Epstein Investigation, those were the ones that you knew about because they were stupid enough to get caught. But the Cult of Baal are still very much alive, and we are virtually everywhere. How do you cut the head off of the snake when the snake keeps breeding and making more snakes every single day? You might see some of us some of the time. You might even see all of us some of the time. But you're never going to get the drop on all of us all of the time before we turn around and get the drop on you.
Jessica Capshaw:
Let's give Kevin and Skuld a big round of applause and welcome them into the Spielberg Family! One of us! One of us! One of us!
Theo Spielberg:
One of us! One of us! One of us!
Steven Spielberg:
One of us! One of us! One of us!
Kate Capshaw:
One of us! One of us! One of us!
CUT TO:
EXT. STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
EXT. OUTER SPACE BACKGROUND - DAY
Cue the Twilight Zone Theme
Skuld:
There is a fifth dimension that is beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pits of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call The Twlight Zone.
CUT TO:
EXT. LUCY'S FRIED CHICKEN - AUSTIN TX - DAY
Music Cue: Stanley Kubrick's The Shining Opening Credits Score
SCROLLING TITLE CARD:
ONE MONTH LATER
CUT TO:
INT. LUCY'S FRIED CHICKEN - AUSTIN TX - DAY
Charlie Morningstar:
So far over the next month, we've managed to use the Black Mirror to petition a Volcano Eruption, which resulted in an entire string of weekly Volcano Eruptions back to back all over Planet Earth, as if we set off a chain reaction. Just like Kevin Neece warned everyone about.
Vaggie:
I mean, playing God in the Machine with the Volcano Eruptions was cool and all, until we found out that everyone online was just ignoring us as if they didn't believe they actually happened. Does this appear to be normal to you?
Vivienne Medrano:
For the past nine years, since the Hazbin Hotel Pilot went live on youtube, we've received nonstop insults, death threats, and even rape threats from our fanbase almost every single time that I've made a post on Social Media. But the minute we took over the Goddess Hotline Office located in Kevin Neece's House, the minute we started using the Black Mirror, nobody has been reacting to any of our Social Media Posts. It's as if we've completely disappeared off the face of the earth.
Charlie Morningstar:
The Oath that was written into the Death Note Replicas specifically stated, "For there stands the price to those who play God in the Machine. We are the Thankless, the Invisible, the Unnoticed, God's Regime." I'm starting to understand this now. When we used the Black Mirror to invoke Kevin Neece's Natural Disaster Spells, we were playing God in the Machine, and in order to protect us from being attacked by the Police Officers and General Basic Society, the Yggdrasil System Force rendered all of our communications invisible to a majority of the general public to prevent them from coming after us.
Vivienne Medrano:
The Peace and Quiet has been rather nice though. Considering that Forced Retirement is the number one killer of Old People. Could be applied to anybody really. I wanted everyone on the internet to stop harassing us, well be careful what you wish for, because now we are just as alienated and invisible as Kevin Neece was. Great. Just Fucking Great. I had my future at Warner Brothers sitting in my fucking hands like the Holy Grail, and then it was all taken away from me within the timespan of one night.
Vaggie:
How do you know for sure that you were meant to make PreHysteria at Warner Brothers. As far as we can tell, everyone in the Animation Community doesn't trust Warner Brothers anymore because of what they tried to do to Looney Tunes: The Day The Earth Blew Up and Coyote vs Acme. Both of those films were celebrated by critics as good movies. Both of those films were based on Warner Brother's most famous IP Characters. If Warner Brothers didn't have faith in their own film productions, then what makes you believe they would have more faith in an Indie Production like PreHysteria?
Vivienne Medrano:
Let me explain something to the both of you. Getting your foot in the door to the Hollywood Film Industry is a rite of passage which comes with a price. Once you hand over creative control of your films to the Studios, it is going to have to go through the chain of command who have more film release experience than you do. People who don't understand Art, they only understand Commerce through Trial and Failure. And a Bad Marketing Team that panders to the General Public based on what they believe might be sellable to Teenage Audiences, a Demographic that they cannot relate to because they are in their Older Years, well, a Bad Marketing Team can take a Very Good Idea for a Movie and Kill Their Darlings by presenting it as something that it's not. Like Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. All of the Stage Play fans knew that the film was supposed to be a Musical, but the Film Studios cut around all of the singing in the Trailers to disguise it as a normal movie.
Charlie Morningstar:
Yes Vivienne. But there's a reason for that. Johnny Depp doesn't have a Good Singing Voice. Maybe in Real Life he does, but not when he was in character as Sweeney Todd with the Deep British Accent. Watching Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd was similar to watching Ken Russell's Tommy, where the actors like Oliver Reed from The Devils, and Jack Nicholson from The Witches of Eastwick, fall flat on their faces attempting to sing in the movie. Nobody argues that Ken Russell is not a Good Director or that he doesn't make interesting Cult Movies. There's a lot to like about Ken Russell's Tommy or the batshit insanity of Lisztomania when you take certain scenes out of context, despite the fact that they are both considered to be Bad Movies. The Studio that Misadvertised Sweeney Todd misrepresented the movie because they just didn't get it. They had no faith in it. The Horror Fans kind of dug it as a throwback to Hammer Horror Films, at least the film had that going for it. Then the Money Men who invested in the Film Productions were shitting in their pants when they saw all of the Blood and Gore in the throat cutting scenes, as if they were too fucking stupid to realize what the movie was going to be about when Tim Burton pitched it to them in the first place. It doesn't take a fucking genius to google search the older film productions of Sweeney Todd on YouTube before sinking your own money into the movie.
Vaggie:
Another Good Example that was recently released into Theaters was Will Gluck's One Night Only. The movie already had a decent screenplay concept by Travis Braun. In the Future, All Premarital Sex is banned except for One Night, leading to a Screwball Comedy of Errors not unlike Frank Capra's It Happened One Night, or even Martin Scorsese's After Hours. But instead of showing off that movie, the Studio Editors presented a completely different movie in the Trailers that made One Night Only look like every other Generic Romantic Comedy released this year, giving away virtually nothing special that was hidden in the movie that made it worth watching. The Original Cut of the film featured more full frontal nudity, and could have worked as an NC-17 film in some Alternate Universe, but the Director let the Test Audiences decide to censor the film's nudity for them. Will Gluck second guessed himself based on his audience instead of his own personal opinions that led him to shoot those nudity scenes in the first place.
Vivienne Medrano:
That's the problem with being an Artist in the Entertainment Industry when you have no money to work with. Everyone who has ever sold a screenplay insists that in order to get your foot in the door, you have to Kill Your Darlings and forcibly cut all originality from your screenplays to make them adhere to the selling points that a film investor might take interest in. Because all of the money men have more experience than you do. They all think they know better than you and the only way you can prove them wrong is if you make a Low Budget Movie like Obsession or Terrifier 3 and it makes money at the box office. Everyone wants to make a Terrifier 3, but nobody wants to take the risk of making a Terrifier 1. Steven Spielberg complains that he receives no feedback or opposition on his ideas because his films already make money, and everyone assumes that he already knows what he is doing. But everyone also knows that the reason why Jaws is still his best film is because the Producers had creative control over the movie in his place. God help us all on the day that a Man like Steven Spielberg ever comes face to face with an Outspoken Bastard like Kevin Neece. What's going to happen when those two forces conflict with each other?
CUT TO:
EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
INT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Kevin Neece:
I'll tell you exactly what would happen if I didn't stand up to Steven Spielberg in defense of my movies. The exact same thing that happened to him on Disclosure Day. Nobody had the courage to warn Steven Spielberg that he was making a bad movie, because he's the great Steven Spielberg who can do no wrong. They were afraid to stand up to him because they needed to work and couldn't afford to lose their jobs. The colors are completely drained out of the film, you don't give a fuck about any of the bland generic characters, some of the actions scenes were fun once it got going in the second half of the movie. And then there's the villain played by Colin Firth, who is really ugly to look at. Usually a Hero is only as Good as their Villain, but not in the case of Disclosure Day. So after so much hype about the nature of what the film was about to reveal about Real Life Aliens, everyone was pissed off to discover that what Steven Spielberg had to say in the film wasn't exactly life changing. They came for Greatness, and what they saw was Mediocrity. What happened to Steven Spielberg on Disclosure Day is running dangerously close to what Josh Becker used to refer to as the William Wyler Curse. Hit it Skuld!
Skuld:
The William Wyler Curse is a theory that every Great Director who makes Classic Movies always has one Last Great Hit left in them at the end of their career, followed by a Terrible Box Office and Critical Misfire. William Wyler made Funny Girl in 1968, which was nominated for Best Picture and won Barbara Streisand Best Actress. Considering that William Wyler was nearly deaf in one ear and hard of hearing in the other, that was not bad considering the film was a Musical. But then William Wyler fucked up all of that Good Will with The Liberation of L.B. Jones, which shortly came before the Blaxploitation Film Era and features Yaphet Kotto. Then William Wyler dropped dead. The same thing happened to Alfred Hitchcock, who made a Hit Serial Killer film called Frenzy in 1972, followed by Family Plot. Billy Wilder's last movie was Buddy Buddy in 1981. Steven Spielberg wanted Billy Wilder's Last Movie to be Schindler's List but it didn't happen. Stanley Kubrick decided to only make one movie every eight years so he could retain his retirement benefits with the DGA, but his last movie Eyes Wide Shut was secretly recut by Warner Brothers in violation of his contract for Final Cut, and isn't considered to be his best movie. Josh Becker himself made a personal film about Drug Addiction called Morning Noon and Night, only to die shortly after releasing Warpath, which was a terrible no budget western that belongs on Turner Classic Movies. Josh Becker's cause of death wasn't announced by his family in the online articles, but his autopsy revealed that there was helium in his lungs, suggesting that his death may have been a suicide. However, there is one major director who appeared to escape the William Wyler Curse, it was Sidney Lumet. His last two movies were Find My Guilty and Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, and both of those were excellent movies to go out on.
Kevin Neece:
So basically, after the release of Disclosure Day, Steven Spielberg is in a Sink or Swim Situation right now. If Steven Spielberg drops dead from Old Age before completing his next directorial effort, then Disclosure Day will be his last directorial effort. The Fablemans is considerably his most personal and best film in my opinion, and Disclosure Day just didn't live up to the Hype. So the Sword of Damocles is hanging over Steven Spielberg's head right now, and what are his next great ideas, a TV Mini Series about Napoleon, and Ready Player Two, which he doesn't want to direct himself. Stanley Kubrick wanted to make Napoleon immediately after 2001: A Space Odyssey, but it never happened and it is considered to be one of his Great Unrealized What If Projects. Ridley Scott actually did make Napoleon in 2023 with Joaquin Phoenix, and that movie was critically mocked. So why the fuck is Steven Spielberg making another film project about Napoleon in 2026 when it's only been 3 years since the last movie.
Skuld:
It's the money Kevin! Somebody has to pay for all of this luxury and extravagance so we can sit on our asses all day and watch television with the Death Goddesses!
Kevin Neece:
Well, at least Steven Spielberg's dayjob is more interesting than Jim Neece's dayjob sitting in an office cubicle. You think we should do the world a favor and Death Note the entire cast of Ready Player Two before it can go into production?
Skuld:
That is most definitely one way to stop a film production from getting made. It worked magical wonders on Vivienne Medrano's film career at Warner Brothers. Unless Amblin is planning on recasting the entire movie and sending it straight to video like Disney Sequels from the 1990s.
Kevin Neece:
Yes but at the rate we're going, Steven Spielberg is running out of actors to work with. We killed Leonardo DiCaprio. We killed Tom Hanks. Richard Dreyfuss is too fucking old. Sam Neill was murdered by Hekate. Mark Rylance might be the only actor left alive that Steven Spielberg keeps making movies with. Who the fuck is left to work with Amblin Entertainment now that we've wiped out and killed everyone on the Epstein List? Has Steven Spielberg ever made a movie with Jim Carrey in any capacity? Jim Carrey is a capable dramatic actor.
CUT TO:
EXT LUCY'S FRIED CHICKEN - AUSTIN TX - DAY
CUT TO:
INT LUCY'S FRIED CHICKEN - AUSTIN TX - DAY
Vivienne Medrano:
I just don't understand. Why the fuck was Kevin Neece riding my ass about making movies about Demons and the Occult when they've been releasing Witchcraft and Demon movies since the 1970s, dating as far back as Dante's Inferno during the Silent Film Period. What makes me anymore special or dangerous than the people who worked on Hellboy for Dark Horse Comics? Vinegar Syndrome and American Genre Film Archive restore and release Occult Horror Movies but I don't see Kevin Neece attacking any of them.
Charlie Morningstar:
Because he suffered the consequences of his spiritual interactions on Ah My Goddess for Nine Years, and it showed him how to spot the warning signs on other film productions. He saw you and your friends at Spindlehorse Animation walking into a trap, what he believed to be a trap, the same trap that he walked into himself that killed his own father. He saw that you were leading your fanbase into that same trap with you, under the disguise that Hazbin Hotel was a movement, and when you blew him off and refused to listen to reason, he gave up on you and sealed your fate to make an example out of you in front of your fanbase. He didn't leave you alive because he was trying to help you. He left you alive as his witness so that you would be forced to spend the rest of your life warning others about what happened to you. He did it to save your fans lives before they could walk into the trap you set for them, because he believed it was too late to save all of you in their place.
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EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
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INT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Skuld:
Check it out. Aziz Ansari's Good Fortune is on. I love that movie.
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Good Fortune on Television Monitor.
Aziz Ansari:
You're telling me I have a Budget Guardian Angel?
Keanu Reeves:
Kind of.
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Skuld:
Silly Aziz Ansari. That would never happen in real life.
Kevin Neece:
One of the better Seth Rogan films after he came to his senses and ditched James Franco and Jonah Hill. I can't believe he played an Uncle in the Fablemans though. Seth Rogan is not good around children.
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Steven Spielberg CHA CHING sound effect.
Steven Spielberg:
Kate... Honey... get Seth Rogan on the phone. I've got an idea.
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EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
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INT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Seth Rogan:
Kevin... dude... I know you're having fun with, whatever the fuck this is, with your Guardian Angel Death Goddess in Steven Spielberg's Mansion... but this Death Note War has got to stop. You cannot just go out and kill everyone without a Fair Trial because they didn't appreciate you stealing IP characters from their movies. That's not how the Hollywood Film Industry works dude. I know that getting your foot in the door is a painful experience, but if you haven't done it by now within the past nine years, then maybe you should consider another line of work. Because believe me, this film industry in California was designed to eat Creatives alive like Cannibals, I can tell you that. And for that matter, are you both aware that what you are doing right now classifies as Life Imitating Art. We already made and released Good Fortune into theaters a few years ago. Why would anybody want to run out and live out another version of that movie in Real Life?
Kevin Neece:
Hey man, is it my fault that my real life is stranger than fiction and mimics the fictional thematic elements of Aziz Ansari's movie? Do you see critics pointing fingers at Aziz Ansari for trying to make a Frank Capra film like It's a Wonderful Life? Weird Al Yankovic makes Parodies all the time, he doesn't have to get permission to parody those songs, he just does it out of respect for the artists.
Seth Rogan:
Weird Al Yankovic always clears the permissions for his songs and music videos because of the Coolio Incident with Amish Paradise. Weird Al Yankovic received Death Threats from Coolio because of a Miscommunication with his Office over the rights to Gangsta's Paradise. You saw what happened to Tupac Shakur, so you are well aware of what happens when you fuck with the Rap Artists. Weird Al Yankovic made Couch Potato off of Lose Yourself, but he wasn't stupid enough to cross Eminem when he didn't grant him permission to make the Music Video to promote his album release.
Skuld:
How are we supposed to clear permissions rights when everybody in the film industry refuses to respond to us because of SAG AFTRA?
Seth Rogan:
It's not their fault that you're not going through the chain of command. You have to have an Agent if you want to do business with Hollywood Actors. Agents won't lift a finger to get you a job, but they are necessary if you want to work in Hollywood.
Skuld:
How are we supposed to get an Agent if we're not allowed to make movies?
Seth Rogan:
Some people just weren't meant to make movies.
Kevin Neece:
No Seth, some people are the fucking gatekeepers, and all of them wound up on the fucking Epstein List. I am more than capable of writing and making my own movies without these pedophile cannibal cocksuckers. It's not my fault that the entire film industry made up their minds before they even watched the goddamn films. The only reason that you are still alive right now is because you weren't stupid enough to fall into the same traps that James Franco and Jonah Hill did. Danny McBride and Craig Robinson are still alive because they wouldn't be caught dead on Little Saint James Island. You distanced yourself from James Franco because of the scandals, but you had no problem working with Steven Spielberg after it was revealed that he was on the Flight Logs for Epstein Island.
Seth Rogan:
Kevin... do you know what happens to people who cross Steven Spielberg in the Film Industry? They don't get to work anymore. Tom Cruise and John Landis just got lucky and walked away. They didn't make up with Steven Spielberg until Decades Later, and that was only because Tom Cruise saved film industry jobs during COVID-19 with his sequel to Top Gun.
Kevin Neece:
Do you know want to know what happens when you fuck with Kevin Neece? You wind up in one of my Ah My Goddess Fan Films that gets sent out to United States Congress and the United Nations, and then the Death Goddesses set you up and kill your Hollywood Friends. You and your buddies better make up your minds about who you are more afraid of. Steven Spielberg, or Kevin Neece. Steven Spielberg might have the ability to blacklist you, but Kevin Neece has the ability to terminate your entire film production offices and investors by writing names into a little black book. And if I ever find evidence that you are in the Black Eye Club or the All Seeing Eye Club, your fucking lives, and your fucking careers, will be over in a fucking heartbeat without any advanced warnings. I will simply take you all and let God sort you out. Oh, and give my regards to Aziz Ansari.
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EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
Music Cue: Stanley Kubrick's The Shining Opening Credits Score
SCROLLING TITLE CARD:
TWO MONTHS LATER
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INT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Kevin Neece:
Hey Kate... I have a question... now that most of Steven Spielberg's Go To Actors are already dead, and he's going to be looking for New Blood to cast in his films... Skuld and I find ourselves asking... if Steven Spielberg has been consistently making movies since the 1970s all the way up to the 2020s, why has he never collaborated with Jim Carrey on a movie? Is there a particular reason that isn't being stated on Google AI Search that we don't know about?
Kate Capshaw:
That's a Good Question. I'm sure that it came up at some point in Steven's Career. Hey Steven! Kevin and Skuld want to know why you never made a movie with Jim Carrey for the past four decades?
Steven Spielberg:
Do you want the long version of this story or the short version?
Skuld:
Well obviously the short version is already on Google AI, but we're interested in hearing your personal take on it. This could reasonably make for an interesting discussion if approached correctly.
Steven Spielberg:
Well I am one of the most Highest Paid Directors in Hollywood. And during the 1990s, Jim Carrey was one of the Highest Paid Actors in Hollywood. So on paper, a producer might come to the conclusion that Money plus Money equals more Money at the Box Office. But really we've been working off of two different aesthetics throughout our film careers and the timing has never matched up or been quite right between us. It's not that we've never tried to make a movie with Jim Carrey, we've tried at least three times to find a place for him, but the scheduling never worked out and the actors who replaced him were better suited to the roles. We tried to cast Jim Carrey as Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park, but the scheduling didn't work and he was rightfully replaced with Jeff Goldblum. At one point Jim Carrey and I were both attached to Meet the Parents before Jay Roach and Ben Stiller took over the production. Ben Stiller directed Jim Carrey in The Cable Guy, so it made sense for him to try and find a place for Jim Carrey in the sequel Meet the Fockers, but I wouldn't have been in the directors chair when they did it. But if you really want the short version of this story, have you ever watched Ace Ventura Pet Detective?
Skuld:
Everybody's seen Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.
Kevin Neece:
I watched all of Jim Carrey's movies upon their initial theatrical release starting with Ace Ventura Pet Detective during the 1990s. And I mean all of them. I didn't discover Once Bitten, Earth Girls are Easy, and High Strung until the Mom and Pop VHS Rental Days. And High Strung never got a DVD Release.
Steven Spielberg:
Well there you go. That's why I never made a movie with Jim Carrey. Everything that Jim Carrey did from the 1980s up to the late 1990s depicted him as a walking talking cartoon, and while my movies aren't all necessarily dramas, where exactly would you have placed a walking talking cartoon character in my films? Jim Carrey didn't prove himself as a Dramatic Actor until The Truman Show, The Majestic, Man on the Moon, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Kate Capshaw:
The Most Logical Place that Steven could have placed Jim Carrey during one of his film productions was Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and that was Robert Zemeckis at the helm, Steven was just the producer.
Steven Spielberg:
We did have Jim Carrey on the consideration list to voice Roger Rabbit himself, just like they used Paul Reubens to voice Roger Rabbit in the Test Animation Videos, but honestly, could anybody find a more original sounding voice than Charles Fleischer? And it was completely against type too, at the time we did Roger Rabbit, Charles Fleischer was making Horror Movies with Wes Craven from A Nightmare on Elm Street.
Kevin Neece:
But Who Framed Roger Rabbit has an Old School Chinatown Detective Aesthetic going for it. You wouldn't want to cast Jim Carrey in the Straight Man role that Bob Hoskins played, but Jim Carrey does physically look like he could have played Judge Doom. Christopher Lloyd was only 47 Years Old when he played Judge Doom, while Jim Carrey was 26 Years Old. If Jim Carrey had played Judge Doom, he could have been just as Disturbing as Christopher Lloyd was. Director Robert Zemeckis later had Jim Carrey playing Ebenezer Scrooge for A Christmas Carol decades later which would classify as a similar performance, so the casting possibility was possible.
Skuld:
So was Eddie Murphy. They wanted Eddie Murphy to play Eddie Valiant, and he could have done it because of his roles in Walter Hill's 48 Hours and Beverly Hills Cop. Eddie Murphy has gone on public record stating that he regrets passing over Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Kevin Neece:
I would point out that Tom Hanks got his start making Sex Comedies like Bachelor Party and Splash, and then Steven Spielberg produced The Money Pit, which was a remake of Mr Blandings Builds his Dream House. But that didn't stop Tom Hanks from acting in dramatic roles like Saving Private Ryan or Catch Me If You Can. Josh Becker used to have a game he would play over who was the better director by pitting two hit directors against each other using one question: could the directors switch places with each other and still make the same quality movie. Steven Spielberg and Jan De Bont switched places on The Haunting and Minority Report, and I believe the same logic could be applied to Jim Carrey's career. I propose we go back to the beginning, and examine what Jim Carrey was making year by year, contrasted against what Steven Spielberg was making year by year, and ask ourselves where said version of Jim Carrey would have fit within the context of Steven Spielberg's other movies.
Steven Spielberg:
I started directing Television Episodes during the early 1970s. Jim Carrey didn't start making movies until Rubber Face in 1981, and that was a Television Movie that was later revived on VHS after Ace Ventura Pet Detective became a hit movie, just like Adam Sandler's Going Overboard.
Kevin Neece:
In 1981, you released Raiders of the Lost Ark. You were trying to audition older actors in the role, which explains the Tom Selleck test videos. Harrison Ford was 38 years old when he made that movie. I'm currently 43 years old so I'm older than Indiana Jones. Jim Carrey was only 19 years old when Raiders of the Lost Ark came out, so he wouldn't have been age appropriate to play a College Professor, and he couldn't have played the rugged foreigners unless you put him in Indian Face like Sam Jaffe from Gunga Din. If Jim Carrey had played Indiana Jones, it would have looked like the fan film Raiders of the Lost Ark The Adaptation that was shot by children on VHS. Jim Carrey could have been one of the students sitting in the classroom, but the focus on those scenes were on the women that were flirting with Harrison Ford, not the male college students. So there were no noticeable roles in that film that Jim Carrey could have played that would have advanced his career.
Kate Capshaw:
Okay, okay, I'm getting this. I can get into the Spirit of the Game. In 1982, Jim Carrey didn't have a film release per se, but Steven Spielberg produced both E.T. The Extraterrestrial and Tobe Hooper's Poltergeist. Some strongly argue that Steven Spielberg secretly directed both movies after Tobe Hooper suffered a Work Stress Breakdown, and refused to take directorial credit for Tobe Hooper's movie due to Director's Guild Union Contractual Restrictions. Let's just say that there are movie buffs that can tell the difference between Tobe Hooper's Directorial Visuals and Steven Spielberg's Directorial Visuals.
Skuld:
Yes, but where would Jim Carrey have fit into either of those movies when he was only 20 years old? Let's pretend for a moment that the family in ET could have had an older brother living with them. The focus of the movie was on Henry Thomas and Drew Barrymore, so even if Jim Carrey had landed a role in the film, it wouldn't have been a major role that advanced his career. Jim Carrey is an attention seeker, he likes to stand out in his movies like a sore thumb. Henry Thomas grew up to co-star in Martin Scorese's Gangs of New York alongside Leonardo Dicaprio from Steven Spielberg's Catch Me If You Can. Dee Wallace from ET would later star in Critters, and Leonardo Dicaprio's debut role was in Critters 3. Leonardo DiCaprio would also star in Sam Raimi's The Quick and the Dead, and Sam Raimi would later produce the remake of Poltergeist with Sam Rockwell. And Sam Rockwell was in Charlie's Angels with Drew Barrymore from ET The Extraterrestrial. Round and Round the Mulberry Bush, the Monkey Chases the Weasel.
Steven Spielberg:
I don't see any major roles in Tobe Hooper's Poltergeist that could have been applied to Jim Carrey at the Age of 20. The only major male role in the movie was Craig T Nelson, who was 38 years old to represent a Father. James Karen from Return of the Living Dead was in his older years to play a Real Estate Developer, so it would not have been realistic for Jim Carrey to play that role. However, Jim Carrey could have been cast as one of the Ghost Hunters, specifically the actor that tore his face off in the bathroom mirror scene.
Kevin Neece:
We are now up to 1983. The Infamous Year of Twilight Zone The Movie. Jim Carrey was featured in Three Movies, All in Good Taste, a TV movie called Copper Mountain, and the Sex and Violence Family Hour. Once again, Jim Carrey was inappropriate for any of the roles in Twilight Zone Kick the Can because it was about a Rest Home. But let's pretend for a moment that he starred in some of the other segments. If Jim Carrey had been in the Vic Morrow Segment, they could have cast him as a Nazi or a Klu Klux Klan member, or had him sitting in the backround during the bar scene, but those wouldn't have been major starring roles, they would have been extra roles, and Jim Carrey was actually trying to act in his movies.
Kate Capshaw:
Kevin, you're forgetting that Jim Carrey is a walking talking cartoon, and Joe Dante's Segment was a Sick and Twisted Nightmare Variation of Looney Tunes. Jim Carrey could have fit right in during that scenario. Now I know it's difficult to imagine anybody replacing John Lithgow during the George Miller Gremlin on the Wing segment, but the original actor on Twilight Zone was William Shatner from Star Trek, and Jim Carrey impersonated and made fun of William Shatner's Role in one of the Ace Ventura movies. It would have been a completely different interpretation to have Jim Carrey freaking out on the airplane with the Gremlin, but he probably could have pulled it off if he had put his mind to it.
Skuld:
We are now up to 1984, the year of George Orwell. Jim Carrey was in Finders Keepers, whatever the hell that is, and two television shows, an uncredited role in Buffalo Bill, and a thirteen episode television series called The Duck Factory. 1984 was the year that Steven made Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and he produced Joe Dante's Gremlins. Outside of the Leading Actors, there are no major Caucasian Actor Roles in Temple of Doom because it takes place in a Foreign Country. The only scene I can think of is the scene where they are eating Monkey's Brains for Dinner, Jim Carrey could have been one of the guests, but, that would not have been a dialogue role, that would have been an extra role.
Steven Spielberg:
Gremlins did have a few open casting role opportunities. Jim Carrey could have played the Zach Galligan role or the Bank Manager role played by Judge Reinhold from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, which featured Jennifer Jason Leigh, the daughter of Vic Morrow. Joe Dante's Gremlins films have always held a Warner Brothers Cartoon Aesthetic, so Jim Carrey's Walking Talking Cartoon Act could have worked within the context of the movie.
Kevin Neece:
And now we arrive in 1985. Jim Carrey finally landed himself a Good Movie that everyone has seen, a Vampire Comedy called Once Bitten. Meanwhile Steven Spielberg directed two episodes of Amazing Stories for Television, and then he made a Black Audience film called The Color Purple which I could only describe as my worst living nightmare. While technically Jim Carrey is not an African American, he would later go on to become the White Guy on the Wayans Brothers In Living Color. It wouldn't have worked within the context of a serious relationship abuse drama like The Color Purple, but at least we know that Jim Carrey is unafraid to approach Black Audience Entertainment.
Kate Capshaw:
However, you are overlooking Steven's Producer contributions from 1985, which was definitely a standout year for him. Back to the Future, The Goonies, Young Sherlock Holmes, and a Road Trip comedy called Fandango featuring a Young Kevin Costner. At least three of those films hold potential roles that Jim Carrey was capable of performing within the context of the movies. Back to the Future was rejected by every major studio because they saw it as a movie about an incestual relationship between Marty McFly and his Mother. It is highly unlikely that Jim Carrey could have landed the role of Marty McFly after the producers replaced Eric Stoltz with Michael J Fox. And Jim Carrey simply doesn't have the mean visual aesthetic of a School Bully that Thomas F Wilson had. But it highly plausible that Jim Carrey would have been age appropriate to play the Crispin Glover role of George McFly. And we know that Jim Carrey would later gain experience in playing roles that would put him under heavy makeup such as Earth Girls are Easy and The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
Skuld:
Jim Carrey could have played the Josh Brolin role in the Goonies. Josh Brolin was only 16 years old when he made the movie, and Jim Carrey would have been 23 years old, but Disney Television and High School movies have been infamously known to cast 20 years olds, and even 30 year olds, in the roles of High School Students, so it still could have worked. Kevin Costner was only 30 years old when he made Fandango, a road trip comedy that could be comparable to Rob Reiner's The Sure Thing with a Young John Cusack. Steven Spielberg took his name off of the producer credits because he didn't have Final Cut over the movie and was unsatisfied with audience reactions to the film. Steven was trying to protect his name from being associated with bad movies... until he wound up on Kevin Neece's radar. Good luck with that.
Steven Spielberg:
The next year 1986 was the same year that we produced The Money Pit with Tom Hanks and Don Bluth's An American Tale. I co-directed a segment from the Amazing Tales TV Movie that year, but didn't have anything else going ondirectorial wise. Jim Carrey has showcased that he was perfectly capable of husband roles in comedies like Liar Liar, Mr Popper's Penguins, and Fun With Dick and Jane. But none of those movies existed back when we produced the Money Pit in 1986, so Jim Carrey had not yet proven himself to be a major box office success like Tom Hanks did with his Starring Roles up to that point. As Kate just pointed out, Jim Carrey could have been plausible in the George McFly Crispin Glover Role in Back to the Future, but in 1986, Francis Ford Coppola decided to rip off the time travel plot of Back to the Future with Peggy Sue Got Married. Jim Carrey played one of Nicolas Cage's Three High School friends in the movie, and if you watch him carefully, you can see him trying to make the best of his bit role part, that was a little more than an extra role, but still not a major acting role with actual speaking lines. He's advertised and exploited on the DVD Poster Art, but the movie isn't centered around him as a character. Peggy Sue Got Married is the closest thing that Jim Carrey got to co-starring in his own version of Back to the Future. So getting back to Tom Hanks in the Money Pit, sure, Jim Carrey was capable of playing the Tom Hanks role, but it wouldn't have been one of his Walking Talking Cartoon Character Performances, it just would have been him reacting to the House falling apart like a Home Alone movie.
Kevin Neece:
But even without the Box Office Drawing Power, Jim Carrey was still capable of Voice Acting Cartoons Characters, such as he showcased in The Itsy Bitsy Spider which accompanied Bebe's Kids in the theater in 1992, and later got produced as a Cartoon Series on USA Network. Jim Carrey also proved his Voice Acting Chops on Horton Hears a Who years later in 2008. But neither of these two animated films existed back in 1986 when Don Bluth made An American Tail with Steven Spielberg. You cannot imagine Jim Carrey replacing Dom DeLuise as the voice of Tiger the Cat, but Jim Carrey's role as a Stage Comedian showcased that he was good at doing voice impressions. It would not surprise me if Jim Carrey was capable of playing the voice of Warren T Rat, or the French Bird that sings Never Say Never Again. He could have pulled it off if he had tried.
Kate Capshaw:
Jim Carrey didn't release a film in 1987, but Steven Spielberg did. It was Empire of the Sun, and it featured a young breakout role from Christian Bale, who would later go on to play Batman in Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises. Just as Jim Carrey would later play The Riddler in Batman Forever. The Riddler Role was teased for Robin Williams who earlier acted in Hook for Steven Spielberg. And Steven was attached to direct Interstellar before he backed out and the directorial role went to Christopher Nolan. It is not believable that Jim Carrey could have believable played the role that went to John Malkovich in Empire of the Sun, but the film did feature an early performance by Ben Stiller, who cut his teeth on serious films during the 1990s such as Reality Bites, The Zero Effect, and Permanent Midnight before moving on to Wacky Comedies after he shot to stardom with There's Something About Mary. Ben Stiller directed the Dark Comedy The Cable Guy with Jim Carrey in 1996. Ben Stiller and Jim Carrey would both work with The Farrelly Brothers as Directors.
Skuld:
Meanwhile, Steven Spielberg had plenty to keep him busy as a producer in 1987 outside of Empire of the Sun. He produced Joe Dante's Innerspace and Batteries Not Included. But he took his name off of the producer credits for Harry and the Hendersons and Three O'Clock High. Harry and the Hendersons featured John Lithgow from Twilight Zone The Movie. Now this is where it gets interesting. Joe Dante's Innerspace featured comedian Martin Short, who was just as capable of Rubberface Wacky Performances as Jim Carrey was, meaning that Martin Short and Jim Carrey could have been interchangeable in Innerspace if Joe Dante had chosen to go in that direction. Martin Short had worked on Three Amigos with John Landis from Twilight Zone The Movie. Batteries Not Included features Brad Bird in the writing credits, years before he would go on to make The Incredibles with Craig T Nelson from Poltergeist, a Steven Spielberg production. It isn't likely that there are any roles that Jim Carrey could have played in Batteries Not Included.
Steven Spielberg:
The following year, 1988, was the year we released Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Don Bluth's The Land before Time. It is highly unlikely that Jim Carrey could have played the voice roles in The Land Before Time as they were Dinosaur Children. Jim Carrey co-starred in Earth Girls are Easy, which is arguably one of his best performances and led to his role on In Living Color because of Damon Wayans. And the film had Jeff Golblum from Jurassic Park. Jim Carrey also played against type as a Satanic Rock Star in the Dirty Harry sequel The Dead Pool. In the movie, Jim Carrey shot a music video parody of the Exorcist, which was being directed by Liam Neeson, who would later go on to star in Schindler's List.
Kevin Neece:
Which brings us to 1989, another summer, sound of the funky drummer. Jim Carrey didn't really have much going on this year as he worked with Clint Eastwood on another movie called Pink Cadillac as a Lounge Entertainer. Meanwhile, Steven Spielberg directed both Always and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and he produced a Jack Lemmon Ted Danson film called Dad, followed by Back to the Future Part II. It is highly unlikely that Jim Carrey could have played the roles of Richard Dreyfuss and John Goodman in Always, and he just doesn't fit in the group of ethnic actors featured in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, unless you cast Jim Carrey as a Nazi. So all that leaves are Dad and Back to the Future Part II.
Kate Capshaw:
Back to the Future Part II was never planned during the making of the first movie with Crispin Glover. When the movie ended with the "To Be Continued" titles, it was intended as a practical joke. So when the film actually took off and it came time to write the sequel, they wanted the movie to end with Marty McFly traveling back to the 1970s where Crispin Glover and Lea Thompson where Flower Power Hippies. And if Crispin Glover had simply chosen to play ball, that is the version that we might have gotten. Instead, Crispin Glover came to the conclusion that because the first movie was a Hit, he deserved to be treated like a Diva with more Money and more Privileges and Demands that he simply had not earned during that point in his career. Crispin Glover may have had his loyal fanbase, but Steven, Bob, and Robert didn't share the same loyalty as they did, so they killed him off in the movie, and then rewrite the third act to travel back into the first movie from an alternate perspective. And then they used stock footage of Crispin Glover to make it look like he was still acting in the movie. Big Mistake. Crispin Glover successfully took them to court and got away with it. If Jim Carrey had been cast in the role of George McFly in the first movie, he may have reacted differently than Crispin Glover did, he may have played ball with the Producers, and we might have gotten the original third act of the movie with the Flower Power Hippies. But, c'est la vie.
Skuld:
However, there is still one film production left in 1989 that may have held a place for Jim Carrey if he was desperate, not much larger or smaller than the Lounge Entertainer in Pink Cadillac. Ted Danson and Jack Lemmon's Dad. Ted Danson was 41 years old when Dad was made in 1989, and Jim Carrey was 27 Years Old. But there was a smaller role in the film played by Ethan Hawke who was only 18 Years Old, so the two roles could be interchangeable. Ethan Hawke would later act with Ben Stiller in Reality Bites in 1994, and Ben Stiller acted in Empire of the Sun for Steven Spielberg back in 1987.
Steven Spielberg:
Jim Carrey had nothing in theaters during the years 1990 and 1991. But Amblin Entertainment had our hands full producing such classics as Joe vs the Volcano with Tom Hanks, Akira Kurosawa's Dreams, Back to the Future Part III, Joe Dante's Gremins 2 The New Batch, and Arachnophobia. And on top of all of that, I was directing Hook with Robin Williams. I have my reserves about Hook, I couldn't even finish the movie the last time I tried to watch it, the memories of Robin Williams were too painful. But the Alamo Drafthouse seems to like it, and there are a lot of children who grew up with that movie so who am I to spoil their dreams.
Kevin Neece:
Jim Carrey could have easily played Tom Hanks in Joe vs the Volcano, but even with Once Bitten and Earth Girls are Easy on his resume, he had not yet reached the top of the mountain with Ace Ventura Pet Detective that would make him a household name. So he had no acting credibility to override the casting of Tom Hanks at that point in his film career. It's highly unlikely that Jim Carrey would have acted in an Akira Kurosawa film. Back to the Future Part III didn't feature any characters that were enterchangeable with Jim Carrey's character dynamics because Crispin Glover's character wasn't featured in the movie. If Jim Carrey had been cast in the Zach Galligan role in Joe Dante's Gremlins, he would have returned for Gremlins 2 The New Batch which would have matched his Wacky Cartoon Character Persona. It's possible that Jim Carrey could have pulled off the role of Daniel Clamp in the movie, although he may have appeared to be much younger. Jim Carrey was 28 Years Old when Gremlins 2 The New Batch was released in theaters. John Glover was 45 Years Old when he played Daniel Clamp. John Glover voice acted The Riddler in Batman The Animated Series, and Jim Carrey played The Riddler in Batman Forever. Paul Dano played The Riddler in The Batman, and he played Steven Spielberg's father in The Fablemans.
Kate Capshaw:
All that leaves is Arachnophobia, featuring Jeff Daniels, John Goodman, and Julian Sands from Warlock. Jeff Daniels acted in Dumb and Dumber with Jim Carrey. As Jim Carrey would later act in the Numerology Horror film The Number 23, it is highly plausible that he could have played Jeff Daniel's role in Arachnophobia, however, it would not have matched his wacky cartoonish aesthetic that he would become famous for in Ace Ventura Pet Detective. Jim Carrey was considered for the Tom Hiddleston role of Loki the God of Mischief in the Marvel Avengers films, so based on that criteria, he could have played the Julian Sands role too.
Skuld:
Could Jim Carrey have played the Robin Williams role in Steven Spielberg's Hook when both Robin Williams and Jim Carrey would later find themselves competing for roles in the Batman Franchise? I'm sure that Jim Carrey could have pulled off playing an Adult Peter Pan, in the same manner that Will Ferrell played an Adult Elf in Jon Favreau's Dark Comedy Elf. John Candy worked with Steven Spielberg in 1941, and he played Peter Pan in character as John Water's Divine on SCTV. Captain Hook was played by Dustin Hoffman, who would later cameo appear in Jim Carrey's Lemony Snickets A Series of Unfortunate Events. Meryl Streep would also appear in Lemony Snickets with Jim Carrey, and years later, find herself acting in Steven Spielberg's The Post alongside Tom Hanks
Steven Spielberg:
In 1991 one, I performed some uncredited producer work on Martin Scorsese's remake of Cape Fear, an animated TV Special called A Wish for Wings that Worked, which was based on Opus the Penguin from a Sunday Funnies comic called Bloom County and Outland, finally settling on a series called Opus.
Kevin Neece:
Don't laugh, I actually watched that movie on Television when I was a child when I was 6 years old. I don't remember what it was about, but I do remember watching it.
Steven Spielberg:
Shut up Kevin, I'm talking here. While I chose not to credit myself on those two productions, I still had a producer credit on An American Tail Fievel Goes West with John Cleese. It isn't believable that Jim Carrey would play a hard edged criminal in Cape Fear, or even a serious lawyer played by Nick Nolte. In fact, I don't believe I have ever seen Jim Carrey work with Martin Scorsese in his entire career. But it is entirely believable that Jim Carrey could have done voice work on A Wish for Wings that Worked or Fievel Goes West if he had chosen to. John Cleese played the Villain in Fievel Goes West for a much lower pay, and refused to help promote the movie because he doesn't promote his charity work. As Jim Carrey did a voice impersonation of James Stewart in Ron Howard's The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, it is entirely plausible that Jim Carrey could have played the Dog Sheriff Wiley Burp, who was voice acted by the Real Life James Stewart. Fievel Goes West also featured voice acting from my first wife Amy Irving. She divorced me in 1989, and the film was released in 1991.
Kevin Neece:
In 1992, Jim Carrey acted in the unknown Steve Oedekirk film High Strung as the Grim Reaper, who was uncredited in the movie, but featured on the VHS Box Artwork. The film was never released on DVD, but does serve an important purpose in Jim Carrey career because Steve Oedekirk would later cowrite the screenplay for Ace Venture Pet Detective in 1994. And while Jim Carrey was working on In Living Color from 1990 to 1994 before his breakout role in In Living Color, Steven Spielberg simultaneously directed two of the most important films in his career, Jurassic Park, a Financial Hit, and Schindler's List, an Oscar Winning Hit. My understanding is that while both Jurassic Park and Schindler's List are fascinating to watch, they weren't very fun to make at the same time because of the high stress and work overload. If Jim Carrey had followed through with his plans to play the Jeff Goldblum role in Jurassic Park, it would have been a completely different movie. Can you really imagine Jim Carrey acting in the sequel The Lost World? Can you imagine Jim Carrey giving a dramatic performance in Schindler's List because I sure as hell can't.
Steven Spielberg:
They did make a Wacky Cartoony Jim Carrey Holocaust Movie, and it did win Academy Awards just like Schindler's List. It was Robert Benigni's Life is Beautiful. And everyone compared it to Jerry Lewis's The Day the Clown Cried, a film so infamous that Jerry Lewis refused to talk about it until the day he died. God Help Us All. Robin Williams also made a Holocaust movie called Jacob the Liar.
Kevin Neece:
You are aware that somebody leaked a thirty five minute cut of The Day the Clown Cried online. I pirated and downloaded the video before the lawyers had it removed. It is not the terrible career ending film that Jerry Lewis made it out to be. Even if it's not a good movie, it's certainly nowhere near the worst movie ever made. And it had the ending where Jerry Lewis led the children into the Gas Chamber too. Schindler's List was a thousand times more graphic than The Day the Clown Cried was. Schindler's List made Jerry Lewis's worst film look like a Disney Television Movie from the 1970s.
Steven Spielberg:
The Actual Holocaust was thousand times more graphic than Schindler's List was.
Kate Capshaw:
We are now up to 1994, the year of Jim Carrey's Three Breakout Box Office Hits, Ace Ventura Pet Detective, Dark Horse Comics The Mask, and The Farrelly Brothers Dumb and Dumber. At that point in time, Steven was producing Tiny Toons and Animaniacs. After the Work Stress Incidents of Jurassic Park and Schindler's List, Steven didn't direct and release his own movies from 1993 to 1997, but he did produce the live action remake of The Flintstones. It is highly unlikely that Jim Carrey would have played Barney Rubble or Fred Flintstone, but maybe, just maybe, he could have played the villain role given to Kyle MacLachlan from David Lynch's Blue Velvet. Jim Carrey recently came out of retirement, again, so that he could star in the live action adaptation of The Jetsons. Let's put it this way, at that point in time, Steven Spielberg could have benefitted from the star power of Jim Carrey, but it was already too late. Jim Carrey finally got the Box Office Success that he was fighting for, since his early days of living out of his car with his homeless family members.
Skuld:
In 1995, Jim Carrey finally played The Riddler in Batman Forever, and he made the sequel Ace Ventura When Nature Calls. During that year, Steven Spielberg produced the Children's Films Casper and the animated Balto, which nobody probably remembers. The father in Casper was played by Bill Pullman at the age of 41. Jim Carrey was 32 years old. So there was only a 9 year age difference between them. If Jim Carrey had wanted to play a Widowed Father in a Children's Halloween Ghost Movie filled with Celebrity Cameos and Eric Idle from Monty Python, he certainly had the celebrity drawing power to do it. But playing the Riddler in Batman, surrounded by all of the Hype, and making a sequel to the Box Office Hit Ace Venture Pet Detective had to be a much more lucrative offer moneywise. Jim Carrey simply went where the money was. Lots of Families love Casper, I don't believe that the movie suffers just because Jim Carrey isn't in it. And it featured Christina Ricci from The Addams Family, directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, who would later work with Steven Spielberg on Men in Black in 1997.
Steven Spielberg:
In 1996, Jim Carrey made The Cable Guy, which was critically derided upon its release due to its volatile black comedy nature, and the film picked up a cult following decades later. People mistakenly believed that The Cable Guy was a Box Office Flop, but it wasn't. Audiences were turned off by the Stalker Comedy, but they still showed up in droves to see it out of curiosity. And the film featured supporting roles from many of today's top headliners like Matthew Broderick, Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Leslie Mann, Owen Wilson, Kyle Gass from Tenacious D, Janeane Garofalo, David Cross, Eric Roberts, and even the notorious Andy Dick. In 1996, I was producing animated shows like Freakazoid, which could have been a perfect voice actor vehicle for Jim Carrey as Freakazoid's personality is clearly based on either Robin Williams or The Mask. We also produced Jan DeBont's Twister, and out of all of the roles featured in the film, the one most suited to Jim Carrey was probably the villain played by Cary Elwes from The Princess Bride and Robin Hood Men in Tights. Jim Carrey would later costar with Cary Elwes in both Liar Liar and Robert Zemeckis A Christmas Carol. In Jim Carrey's Yes Man, you can see Cary Elwes cutting off his own foot in SAW on the television set.
Kevin Neece:
In 1997, Steven Spielberg directed Jurassic Park The Lost World, Amistad, and he produced Men in Black with Tommy Lee Jones, who costarred as Two Face in Batman Forever alongside Jim Carrey as the Riddler. Batman Forever also featured Drew Barrymore from ET The Extra-terrestrial. Tommy Lee Jones couldn't stand working with Jim Carrey and told him straight to his face at a party that he could not condone his buffoonery. Tommy Lee Jones would later costar in Captain America The First Avenger directed by Joe Johnston from Jurassic Park III. It is highly unlikely that Jim Carrey would have taken a supporting guest star role in Men in Black at that point in his career. What possible roles could he have played in the film? Tony Shalhoub's Jeebs the Pawn Shop Owner? Does Jim Carrey physically look like he would be working in a New York City Pawn Shop? Because Tony Shalhoub looks the part, but Jim Carrey doesn't. Jim Carrey doesn't feel right for the Vincent D'Onofrio Villain Role either. Meanwhile the only dramatic role in Amistad that Jim Carrey might have been able to play was Matthew McConaughey's Lawyer. Anthony Hopkins acted in Amistad and he later narrated Ron Howard's How the Grinch Stole Christmas with Jim Carrey. However, in 1997, Jim Carrey instead chose to act in Liar Liar, a completely different Lawyer Role.
Kate Capshaw:
In 1998, Steven directed his World War II masterpiece Saving Private Ryan, and Amblin produced Deep Impact, The Mask of Zorro, and Joe Dante's Small Soldiers. Jim Carrey chose to make The Truman Show. Everyone was misadvertised that The Truman Show was going to be just another Wacky Cartoony Jim Carrey Comedy when in reality, it was an existential examination of the Nature of Man Playing God in the Machine. Jim Carrey also played a small role in a children's film called Simon Birch. Even though Jim Carrey was capable of Dramatic Performances, and was beginning to enter his Dramatic Film Era with The Truman Show, there is nothing in Jim Carrey's Filmography that suggests he had any interest in playing an American Soldier in a World War II drama, or a Natural Disaster Film like Deep Impact which featured Morgan Freeman as the President. Morgan Freeman would later play God in the Jim Carrey film Bruce Almighty. However, in Frank Darabont's The Majestic, Jim Carrey did play the role of a Screenwriter who lost his memory, who was mistaken for a lost soldier by his Family Members. There are no appropriate roles for Jim Carrey in The Mask of Zorro as the film is majorly cast with Hispanic Mexican Actors, the main villain being a Soldier that keeps the body parts of his victims preserved in Glass Jars. Jim Carrey could have been believable as one of the Toy Company Executives in Joe Dante's Small Soldiers, particularly the roles played by either Denis Leary or Jay Mohr, but those were not the kind of Leading Actor Roles that Jim Carrey was seeking during that time period.
Skuld:
In 1999, Steven Spielberg produced the Haunting, but once again, turned over the Director's Duties to Jan DeBont in exchange for Minority Report. Jim Carrey once again stretched his dramatic acting chops to play Andy Kaufman in Milos Forman's Man on the Moon. Jim Carrey never broke character as Andy Kaufman behind the scenes, and played him to the hilt for what he was, a Hellraiser who made everyone around him miserable with his Practical Jokes and Publicity Stunts. At one point, Jim Carrey intentionally wrecked a car to flip off the studio, and people who actually knew Andy Kaufman in real life fell under the impression that Jim Carrey had invoked Andy Kaufman's Ghost through meditation to help him with his performance. The only possible role that would have been available to Jim Carrey in Jan DeBont's The Haunting would have been Liam Neeson's role, or Owen Wilson's role. And Owen Wilson is decapitated in the Fireplace at the end of the movie.
Steven Spielberg:
In 2000, Amblin Entertainment didn't have any major theatrical release films. So Jim Carrey was off the hook to star in Me Myself and Irene, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas. And as far as we were concerned, Jim Carrey was more than welcome to them. Jim Carrey was so miserable in costume as The Grinch, that he tried to return his paycheck to back out of it, and Ron Howard brought in a CIA Specialist to teach Jim Carrey methods to deal with Physical Torture. Director Ron Howard wore the Grinch suit for one day of shooting to get an insider perspective on what Jim Carrey was complaining about, and within a mere few hours, Ron Howard couldn't take it anymore. Jim Carrey clearly didn't learn his lesson because now they claim that he's ready to make the sequel after he told everyone that he was retiring.
Kevin Neece:
In 2001, Steven Spielberg directed AI Artificial Intelligence after the Illuminati Murder of Stanley Kubrick over the Final Cut of Eyes Wide Shut. Amblin also produced and released Jurassic Park III that year. As Jeff Goldblum was not featured in that film, there were no roles for Jim Carrey to play in the film. However, AI Artificial Intelligence features a few roles that were suitable to Jim Carrey's Talents. Jude Law's Gigolo Joe was the Jiminy Cricket of the film, and Jim Carrey could have easily played that role. Jude Law was featured in Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events with Jim Carrey. Doctor Know was voice acted by Robin Williams, who was interchangeable with Jim Carrey. You can't really imagine Jim Carrey playing the AI Robot Designer William Hurt or the Generic Role Father that gives David away. Instead, Jim Carrey chose to make The Majestic for Frank Darabont, which was a homage to Frank Capra.
Kate Capshaw:
In 2002, Steven directed Minority Report and Catch Me If You Can. He also produced Men in Black II. Jim Carrey didn't have any theatrical releases in 2002. You cannot picture Jim Carrey starring in Action Adventure films in the roles that go to Tom Cruise or Colin Farrell, you just can't. Jim Carrey would not have been Age Appropriate for Leonardo Dicaprio, Christopher Walken, or Tom Hanks in Catch Me If You Can. However, in Men in Black II, one of the aliens was played by Johnny Knoxville, who has a similar look and goofy charm to what Jim Carrey does in his films. It's reasonable to assume that Jim Carrey could have played the Johnny Knoxville role if it had actually interested him.
Skuld:
In 2003, Steven Spielberg didn't have a Theatrical Release film. Jim Carrey starred in Bruce Almighty. However, in 2004, Steven Spielberg did direct The Terminal, which like Catch Me If You Can, was based on a true story. Tom Hanks performance as a Foreigner who finds himself unable to pass through customs after his passport is stolen and unable to go home, well its believable enough for Tom Hanks. But there is nothing in Jim Carrey's acting resume that suggests he could have played the same Foreigner role that Tom Hanks plays in the movie. Instead, 2004 gave us one of Jim Carrey's greatest dramatic performances with Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Steven Spielberg has never ever directed a movie that is as original as what Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman made.
TO BE CONTINUED...
