Kevin Neece made a joke on Twitter this morning that if he was forced to move out of his house, he would move in with Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw, mooching off the both of them with no intention of leaving like the houseguests in Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey. After he made the post online, he kept getting hit up with dialogue scenes for how it could work as an intrusive houseguest comedy that could be added to the end of Death Note War Games.
In the last planned episode Marller Gets a Spinoff: The Disney Wish Contract, Kevin Neece uses his wish contract with Mara Marller to wish her into the CEO role at Disney Entertainment so she could investigate into their alleged occult practices and freemason conspiracy theories. But Wishes usually come in threes, so what if the next movie was about Kevin Neece's Second Wish, and he uses it to move in with Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw (with Skuld Nornir in tow) as an excuse for the four of them to converse with each other on the class differences between their two respective filmmaking roles and personal life responsibility.
Kevin Neece has been blacklisted and forced to live off of his relatives for so many years that he has completely forgotten how to live life as an adult, instead living like a teenager that refuses to work a dayjob, even when he is finally granted the opportunity to fix his own life and his career. And while this is happening, Vivienne Medrano, Charlie Morningstar, and Vaggie have moved into Kevin Neece's house in Austin Texas and have taken over his personal life, and his Black Mirror Video Store Bedroom, in his absence because he took down the entire staff at Spindlehorse Animation and destroyed Vivienne Medrano's film career.
As Kevin Neece and Vivienne Medrano begin to experience life from the other side of the fence, do either of them really want to switch back now that it all seems hopeless and irreversible?
So it's an intrusive houseguest parody with Steven Spielberg, a class difference parody about filmmaking, and a switching life roles parody with Hazbin Hotel.
EDIT: I am fully aware of the similarities to Aziz Ansari’s Good Fortune. I will try my best not to directly copy it. Aziz Ansari’s film was based on fictional people. Kevin Neece’s Death Note War Games is based on real life people and discussions of real life incidents on social media. Aziz Ansari may have been playing a parody of himself in Good Fortune but that was a one off movie and this is a part of a nine year series. If the final film feels too derivative of Aziz Ansari’s movie then I don’t have to make it. It was just an idea that I was tossing out there.
Ah My Goddess:
Spielbergian Housewarming Gift
Rough Draft 8/22/2026 Part 3
written by Kevin Neece and
Hekate Goddess of the Crossroads
FADE IN:
EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
INT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
Kate Capshaw:
I'm sorry, can we help you?
Skuld:
Surprise Steven! It's Skuld the Amazing and her traveling companion Kevin Neece, come to pay you a special visit!
Steven Spielberg:
Oh no. No no no. I remember you. You're the Death Goddess from Kevin Neece's house that made us travel back in time to save Vic Morrow! I don't want to guest star on Ah My Goddess again! Once was enough!
Kevin Neece:
Well it's like this, somebody on Twitter asked a rhetorical question about what we would do if we were ever forced to move out of the house on Majestic Drive Austin Texas... and it hit me, nothing would please me more than to move into Steven Spielberg's house, lounge around watching his physical media collection, and mooching off of his wife just like the houseguests in Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey. So we cut a deal with the Illuminati and got a one way ticket here! Isn't that crazy awesome Steven?
Steven Spielberg:
You are aware that Odysseus murders all of the unwanted houseguests at the end of that story.
Kevin Neece:
Only if you can string the bow Spielberg. Only if you can string the bow.
Skuld:
This is a big house Steven, haven't you ever had houseguests before?
Steven Spielberg:
Six of them actually... and they were all adopted.
Kevin Neece:
What a coincidence, I had six people living in my house for nearly a decade. How did you get rid of your freeloaders?
Steven Spielberg:
We cut them off and forced them to go out and get jobs.
Kate Capshaw:
And exactly how long were you two planning on staying here?
Kevin Neece:
Well I've still got $200,000 left to my name and my own vehicle. If we just live off of $25 a day for the rest of our lives, and we don't have to pay rent, the money should last us for the next ten years.
Steven Spielberg:
TEN YEARS?!! DID YOU JUST SAY TEN YEARS?!!
Skuld:
What, were you planning on living longer than the next ten years Steven? You're fucking 79 years old, and Jim Neece died at the age of 67. The way that we see it, once Kevin Neece's life savings run out, and Steven Spielberg's life is up, the both of you are going to be totally fucked ten years from now anyways, so you might as well take the time to get to know each other.
Kate Capshaw:
We don't want to get to know Kevin Neece, it sounds like he's a serial killer who blames Hollywood for all of his life problems.
Kevin Neece:
Let's just say that SAG AFTRA's policies towards No Budget Non Union Films didn't help things and leave it at that.
Steven Spielberg:
You're seriously planning on living with us for ten years, with no intention of getting a job?!!
Kevin Neece:
How am I supposed to get a job when I'm blacklisted by SAG AFTRA and nobody in the Retail Industry or Criminal Justice System wants me?
Kate Capshaw:
Steven is the Most Powerful Man in Hollywood. Surely he can pull some strings to get you a dayjob at a coffee shop or monkeying a cash register in a retail store. Do you really want to live the rest of your life as a Teenager when you're 43 years old and your daughter graduated from college? Don't you ever want to work again?
Kevin Neece
I already have a job, I'm an indie filmmaker, all I need is my laptop, my external hard drive files, and we can keep Ah My Goddess running using the same no budget ethics that I've always done. And the best part is, my movies will never cost Amblin Entertainment a fucking dime. You can continue to make your movies your way, I can continue to make my movies my way, without a producer standing over my shoulder, and never the two will meet.
Steven Spielberg:
Are you ever planning to pay anybody for the IP Rights that you use on Ah My Goddess?
Skuld:
We don't have to. Everything is monetized on YouTube anyways. You don't need all of the fancy bells and whistles to make a movie nowadays. You just need an iphone7 and a few willing friends. Sure we don't have an audience like you do, and we probably never will, but at least we still enjoy the process of making our own movies. Shouldn't that be the real contributing factor for someone to make a movie in the first place?
Kate Capshaw:
Making no budget movies on an iphone with your friends is okay when you're first starting out, but if everybody in the film industry made movies like Kevin Neece does, there would never be a Hollywood Film Industry. There wouldn't be any jobs at all. The entire system would collapse.
Kevin Neece:
And what's wrong with that? The entire Hollywood System enriched everyone to the point that they began to get bored with having everything handed to them on a silver platter. So where did they turn to for entertainment? Jeffrey Epstein, the Cult of Baal, and the Child Sex Trafficking Rings. Hayden Panettiere has been working in the film industry since she was 8 months old and it completely destroyed her life and her piece of mind until it killed her. And she's just one child actor example that has been destroyed by the film industry. Nobody is ever going to forget what happened to Heather O'Rourke from Poltergeist, no matter how hard they try.
Steven Spielberg:
Kevin, just because you have friends that can't find anybody to sell their souls to for a Film Industry in, that doesn't mean that they are always supposed to work for free on your movies. You're not impressing anybody by saying you make your films for nothing, you're just telling all of the Hollywood Producers that you were too lazy to raise the money to pay anyone.
Skuld:
It's not that we're too lazy, it's that nobody has ever financially donated to us when we do online fundraisers. United States Congress is not allowed to use their Campaign Funds to donate to our movies. Vivienne Medrano was able to raise the money for Hazbin Hotel after she sunk her own money into the Pilot Film, but that was an original movie with actual animation and a voice cast. Our films are classifiable as fan fiction and nobody feels compelled to help us make them. And it's entirely because they claim there is no craft involved. As if the movies were just fabricated out of thin air by themselves without any effort being put into them. The only reason they exist is because we know how to make them for nothing.
Steven Spielberg:
Sure we make movies to tell stories, but there is a bottom line to making films, you have to pay people for the work that they do. In order for these people to work their jobs, they have to have film productions for them to work on. In order for those film productions to exist, you have to raise the money to pay them. In order to raise that money, you have to convince a Producer that you have the ability to return their investment to them. You have completely bypassed all of that because you figured out how to make movies for nothing! Even if you have total creative freedom, has anybody ever taken the time to watch your films or even listen to you at all?
Kevin Neece:
Well that's my problem to deal with and not yours. I don't need your film industry connections. I don't need your celebrity parties. I don't need your money. I just need your company and your advice. If you keep an extensive physical media film library it would be helpful, I just donated my last video collection to Vivienne Medrano, along with my Black Mirror Witchcraft Setup, and my old bedroom.
CUT TO:
EXT KEVIN NEECE'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
INT KEVIN NEECE'S BEDROOM
Vivienne Medrano:
Hey Charlie, check it out. In the Third Bottom Drawer, this guy has got one of the most amazing collections of Hardcore Porn I've ever seen in my life. He literally bought the entire Vinegar Syndrome Collection! We could watch one movie per year without ever watching the same movie twice!
Charlie Morningstar:
That's not all. He didn't take the Black Mirror with him either. Do you remember those rumors that he could invoke Natural Disasters and Volcano Eruptions by screening Fictional Movies into the Black Mirror?
Vaggie:
We should totally have a Volcano Party!
CUT TO:
EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
INT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
Steven Spielberg:
You two didn't show up here with a Moving Van did you?
Kevin Neece:
Nope, just the Laptop, the External Hard Drive, and the Clothes on our Backs. We assumed that you already own everything anyways.
Skuld:
Those nice suits you wear... do you buy those from a store, or do you pay a Tailor to make them?
Steven Spielberg:
Everything that I wear is Tailor Made.
Kevin Neece:
I don't actually go shopping for my own clothes, I usually just throw on whatever my mother would bring back from her monthly vacations. Fun Fact: Dolly Parton was rich as fuck, and she still chose to take her grandchildren shopping at K-Mart for their School Clothes because they gave her better bargains.
Kate Capshaw:
We don't go shopping at Retail Stores. We pay people to do that for us.
Skuld:
Do you still make homecooked meals? Debbie Brand used to cook us homecooked meals.
Steven Spielberg:
Why would anybody expect us to cook our own meals? We're rich.
Kevin Neece:
Well you like creating your own movies. One would assume you would enjoy creating your own food. Cooking Food can be an artform just like writing films you know.
Kate Capshaw:
I took a step back from making movies to focus on our personal family life.
Skuld:
What about the Gas Guzzler Sinot Superyacht that everybody keeps giving Steven Spielberg shit for? Do we get to travel around Italy with you too? Jim Neece used to have his own sail boat on Lake Travis.
Steven Spielberg:
Did Jim Neece give jobs to 30 people to work on his sailboat and serve 14 guests?
Kevin Neece:
No, but my father did take all of his friends out on that sailboat anyways, without all of the fancy bells and whistles. He knew how to sail the boat himself.
Steven Spielberg:
And once again... it's not just about owning a fancy boat. It's about giving people jobs so they can wait on our guests. The guests that travel with us produce movies that give people jobs.
Skuld:
And all of those jobs are being performed in the service of servicing you two at the top of the food chain. So tell me Steven, do you still travel on commercial flights or do you own your own private airplane?
Kate Capshaw:
We own two private airplanes, one of which is worth $70 Million. It's really helpful for Steven's Job getting from place to place without having to go through TSA.
Kevin Neece:
What's wrong with the commercial airlines? We wait in line and go through security just like everybody else and it's not the pain in the ass that everyone thinks it is. My daughter knows how to get in and out of the airports on her own better than I do. I never travel anywhere outside the Austin City Limits without a guide to handle the travel arrangements.
Steven Spielberg:
I'll tell you exactly what's wrong with the airports. TMZ News, the Papparazzi, Unwanted Fan Attentions. What's so wrong with owning our own airplanes? We've got the money for it.
Skuld:
But lots of other actors travel on commercial airlines, like Director Kevin Smith, or Bruce Campbell, those people are famous, but they still have to mingle with the commoners to get from place to place.
Kevin Neece:
You know what happens when you travel on private airlines? You wind up traveling with people like Jeffrey Epstein. And then you get invited to parties at private islands like Little Saint James Island. And then one day, those people get scandalized on the news and now everyone who pays to watch your movies now believes you are guilty because your name is on the flight logs. Those scandals probably wouldn't have happened to you if you had simply had the balls to fly first class on a commercial airline in the first place. I've flown first class. It was pretty nice.
Kate Capshaw:
Yes Kevin, flying first class gets us seated next to Serial Killers like you. Shouldn't we be calling the cops right now?
Skuld:
Actually, the question you both should be asking yourselves is, how are the both of you still alive if Steven Spielberg's name was in the Epstein Files and Kevin Neece killed everyone on that list with a Death Note.
Steven Spielberg:
She's right. Why did you spare our lives during the Death Note War?
Kevin Neece:
I didn't spare your lives during the Death Note War. I couldn't tell who was guilty or who was innocent, so I took you all and let God sort you out. The only reason you two are alive right now is because I made a wish contract with Mara Marller representing the Niddhog HQ Staff and it created an alternate reality where you are still alive. Once the contract is broken and we both leave, the both of you are going back to Niflheim where you belong. So it's time to saddle in Spielberg, because the both of us are about to be stuck together for a very long time.
Steven Spielberg:
Kate, forget the police... get the Lawyer on the phone.
CUT TO:
EXT MOUNT ZYPHON SYRIA - DAY
CUT TO:
INT MOUNT ZYPHON TEMPLE - DAY
The Lawyer
Elijah Wood:
I'm sorry Steven, but the Illuminati needed a way to cut our losses so we could regroup, restructure, and rebuild. Granting Kevin Neece a wish contract was the only way we could mediate with him. As per the Illuminati's agreement with the staff of Niddhog HQ, you are required to keep Kevin Neece and Skuld Nornir as Houseguests for an indefinite period that determines the span of both your lives. If you break that agreement, then we are all going to be back to square one with how to deal with this issue. He's not asking you to advance his career Steven. He's already got his own money to pay for his gas, his auto insurance, and his food. He just wants to experience life from the other side of the fence without selling his soul in the process. Is that too much to ask for? If you fuck us on this, we will be forced to expel both of you from the group.
CUT TO:
EXT. STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
INT. STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
Steven Spielberg:
Kate... the Illuminati says that we're both completely fucked.
Skuld:
But on the plus side, this is going to be like our trips to Roy Neece's Lake House in Saginaw. You don't even have to invite both of us to the Oscars, we can just make some popcorn and watch the show from your own living room!
Kate Capshaw:
I have one question to ask about the White Elephant in the Room? Kevin... are you Vic Morrow come back from the Dead?
Kevin Neece
Technically yes, but I don't have any actual past life memories of being Vic Morrow that could prove it. It just looks like I'm Vic Morrow because of the way that the Numerology Dates and Coincidences interconnect and match up. If you placed Vic Morrow and Kevin Neece in the same room with each other side by side, we would both look like two completely different people, and yet somehow, we are supposed to be the same person connected by the same recycled soul, does that make sense to you?
Skuld:
But look on the bright side Steven, at least you both know that Gilgul Reincarnation exists for the Jewish Community... with its ups and downs of course. Remember, what you do in one life can result in serious consequences for you in the next one. Right now, Steven Spielberg is the Most Powerful Man in Hollywood, but in your next life, if you're lucky enough to even get a next life, you could be born to a South American Prostitute and grow up driving trucks full of unstable dynamite for a living, just like William Friedkin's Sorcerer.
Kevin Neece:
It's not funny Steven. It's not funny at all. I was decapitated by a fucking helicopter in my past life, on a film production that was supposed to save my career. And look at all of the trouble that it just caused me in my next life. The Goddess Hotline Office did this to me, and they could be about to do it to you. Because Steven Spielberg was born with a FATE = 32 Numerology just like I was, and it resulted in the Goddess Hotline Office manipulating his entire film career. So consider our time together to be your own personal wake up call. Consider the both of us to be your Jacob Marley and the Ghost of Christmas Future.
CUT TO:
EXT. STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
END OF ACT ONE
----
BEGINNING OF ACT TWO
TITLE CARD:
WEEK ONE
CUT TO:
EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
INT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE DAY
Kate Capshaw:
Kevin... before we take this any further, we're going to have to politely ask you to sign some release forms and paperwork... just for our own personal legal safety.
Kevin Neece:
Aghast... I sense a lack of trust here. Have I done anything to offend you?
Steven Spielberg:
Kevin... Vic... just sign on the dotted line.
Skuld:
Is this supposed to be a Devil's Bargain?
Kate Capshaw:
We had our lawyers look into your online background, and you have a nasty habit of writing and releasing tell all autobiographies and whistleblower films about virtually everyone that you meet throughout your life, which is every Hollywood Filmmaker's Worst Nightmare. And you're staying in our house!
Kevin Neece:
You don't mean to imply that we of all people would put your personal private lives on display on Social Media for the general public like TMZ would, do you? What do you think we're going to do, turn you into our next Ah My Goddess movie for the United States Congress?
Steven Spielberg:
Yes Kevin! That's exactly what we believe you came here to do! You want to live under our roof like one of our Teenage Adopted Children? Then Sign it Sergeant Saunders!
Skuld:
Relax everybody, I'm the Goddess of the Future. It's not like they're representatives of Satan asking you to make incest anti-christ babies with your own sister.
Kate Capshaw:
One look at you two and it doesn't take a Goddess with a Crystal Ball to see into our Future.
Skuld:
Actually, that's kind of a misunderstanding. At one point in time, everything that is about to happen in the future winds up becoming the Past sooner or later. So in some ways, I'm as much a Past Historian on Human Nature as my sister Urd is supposed to be, if you get my drift.
Steven Spielberg:
What exactly do you both do together with your time when you're not writing Witchcraft Cursed Ah My Goddess Fan Films? We haven't seen either of you attempt to leave this house within the Past Week.
Kevin Neece:
That's because the FBI showed up while you were at work and made the both of us wear these Ankle Monitor Bracelets. The US Government and the Illuminati couldn't figure out what to do with us, so they put us both under House Arrest. It's okay everybody, we can still pay for our food using Debit Credit Cards and Door Dash.
Kate Capshaw:
The FBI was here and you didn't tell us?
Skuld:
Actually, we've been sending email correspondence to the FBI and the CIA for the past nine years, so it's pretty normal for the both of us to receive visits from the US Government. At one point Kevin Neece enquired the Freedom of Information Act only to discover that somebody at the FBI Headquarters had all knowledge of him erased from the System.
Steven Spielberg:
What the fucking hell could you two possibly be informing on? Yourselves? You're both Occultist Serial Killers who obsess over Hollywood Movies! You took the Ah My Goddess Children's Show and practically turned it into a Remake of Dexter and Final Destination!
Kevin Neece:
That is exactly what we do with our time. We watch Hollywood Movies accompanied by the Spiritual Presence of Hekate Goddess of the Crossroads, then we monitor the Death Incidents that manifest on Social Media News looking for Thematic Coincidences to the films that we watch. Once we spot them, we blog them, and send the articles out to the Homicide Detectives, the News Stations, and all of the Foreign Intelligence Agencies so they can track and study Hekate's Movements as a Death Goddess. So it's not like we've been sitting around doing nothing with our lives. We do serve some kind of purpose for the Criminal Justice System.
Kate Capshaw:
What do you mean Hekate Goddess of the Crossroads? Where has she been hiding?
Skuld:
Hekate is an invisible spiritual presence who domains the Spirit Underworld and helps people cross over into the Afterlife. But she pretty much follows Kevin Neece everywhere like the Belldandy Wish from the Anime Show in Real Life. So basically, all of the Murders and Death Incidents in the United States were originating from our House at Majestic Drive Austin Texas for the Past Nine Years... and then when we packed up and moved locations here... the Death Goddesses followed us like the movie Poltergeist. You can't see them, you can't hear them, but now they're your roommates, and there is nothing that either of you can do about it.
Steven Spielberg:
This has been your life for the Past Nine Years?
Kevin Neece:
Nobody in the Film Industry or Retail Industry wanted to give me a Job because I was blacklisted by the Alamo Drafthouse and SAG AFTRA. So the Shinigami's from Death Note hired me and designated me as the Demi-God Who Takes Out the Trash.
Kate Capshaw:
Well then... at least that's one job you can do around the house. Our children used to take out the trash... grudgingly.
Skuld:
Kevin was a caregiver for his Grandmother in Assisted Living for nearly a decade... while she was in a Wheelchair. He did medication runs, doctor's appointments, restaurant visits, nighlty emergency calls to the emergency room, and he was never officially employed by the Barton Hills Assisted Living. Once Naomi Peterson died... they threw everyone out and tore down the building to make Condos. Good Riddence to Bad Rubbish. That place was terrible and smelled like Rotten Cabbage on Thursdays. The only good thing that came out of that place was their yearly Thanksgiving Turkey Dinners. I would rather drop dead that be forced to live in a place like that for ten years.
Steven Spielberg:
Oh sure, you would both rather drop dead, so you subjected your own grandmother to a fate worse than death and invited all of the freeloaders to take over her house.
Kevin Neece:
Is it my fault that she needed round the clock supervision? Why should my mother sacrifice her retirement years to take care of someone that never appreciated her when she could just as easily assign someone like me to the job? It's not like I was financially contributing to the household. My grandmother didn't exactly work dayjobs either. She volunteered at Arthur Brand's Poke e Joe's Barbeque Restaurant when he was still alive. Then she married her Neighbor Windom so she wouldn't have to work and could spend her life on vacation. She volunteered as a Sunday School teacher at the local church. She was a landlord for several houses, but she sold all of her properties to the tenants for significantly less than what they were worth so they could turn around and profit by selling their houses and move to better neighborhoods. If she hadn't been such a Charitable Christian, she could have afforded a better assisted living location than what she was forced to live in until the day she died.
Kate Capshaw:
You're a Witch and an Occultist... who was married to a Death Goddess Spirit Wife... and it sounds like the only reason your entire family wasn't put out on the streets is because you were related to Christians who had money.
Skuld:
Trust me on this. The money was all but spent. We ran out of relatives to take care of us because they kept dying on us from old age. Whatever we've got in our bank account, that is the last of it, because that was the last of our relatives.
Steven Spielberg:
Bet you made a movie about her.
Kevin Neece:
Shut up Steven, your best movie was about your mother cheating on your father with Seth Rogan.
Steven Spielberg:
You would sell tickets to your own father's funeral just to make a movie wouldn't you?
Kevin Neece:
Jim Neece wanted me to video document that day of his funeral. He needed the Police Detectives to monitor who attended the funeral in case Foul Play was suspected.
Steven Spielberg:
So what did you do with the movie after you gave it to the Police.
Kevin Neece:
I self distributed Danny My Boy on DVD to all of the Goodwill Thrift Stores.
Steven Spielberg:
I hereby rest my case.
Kevin Neece:
I should have gotten an Oscar for that performance really. I practically improvised the entire film on the spot all in one take after pulling an All Nighter on A Certain Magical Pimpdex.
Steven Spielberg:
Oh you should have gotten an Oscar should you? Are you a trained actor?
Kevin Neece:
I don't even know how to memorize screenplays. My training is in Live Television Broadcast.
Steven Spielberg:
So you were on Live Television?
Kevin Neece:
No, I interned on Austin Public Access in the Control Room. Eddie Rotten wanted to put me on Zombie Life TV, instead he bumped me for a guest that had already previously been on the show several times and then the show got cancelled because of a Producer Abusive Relationship Scandal. I did get to meet Frank Oz from Little Shop of Horrors during South by Southwest.
Steven Spielberg:
So you know Director Frank Oz?
Kevin Neece:
No, Frank Oz blocked me online like all of the other filmmakers.
Steven Spielberg:
Do you know why Frank Oz blocked you online Kevin?
Kevin Neece:
Because I'm an Occultist Serial Killer and everyone thinks the Haunting of Ah My Goddess means I'm delusional?
Steven Spielberg:
Godfather, you know everything.
Skuld:
It's okay Kevin, we still love you.
Kate Capshaw:
You know that's the funny thing about our Fanbase. We depend on them to buy our movies to pay for all of this, then they think they know us better than we know ourselves when they've never even set foot on a movie set.
Kevin Neece:
Just what are you trying to say here? That I'm not a real filmmaker? I've heard these accusations before and they always come from somebody that didn't bother to watch the movies from start to finish.
Steven Spielberg:
What we're trying to say here is... you don't make movies... in the same way that we all make movies. It sounds like you've never been on a professional movie set before.
Kevin Neece:
The iphone7 method of filmmaking isn't all that different from the 16mm fan films that Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell made as Teenagers before they hit it big with the Evil Dead series. What I'm saying is, it's not the make of the camera that matters, it's the people and the images that you put in front of the camera and how you edit it all together.
Kate Capshaw:
What editing? Everything that you made in Live Action was done in Long Extended Takes and Cut Together like you had One Master and No Accompanying Footage to work with. Who are you supposed to be, Cecil B Demented, the Ultimate Auteur?
Skuld:
What about Alfred Hitchcock's Rope? or Josh Becker's Running Time? Or Birdman The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance?
Steven Spielberg:
Those movies were based on actual screenplays with Paid Actors. They were staged, plotted, and planned out like Shot on Screen Stage Plays. Kevin Neece's Live Action movies look like he just made shit up on the spot while his Drag Queen Friends did all of the work for him. I don't see any Kevin Neece Live Action movies that look like they were based on written screenplays. Those movies looked like actual movies... Kevin Neece's movies... don't.
Kate Capshaw:
Everything that you've made over the Past Nine Years was based on somebody else's movies. Like when Tim Burton was criticized for making too many remakes and adaptations so he could Tim Burtonize the Films with his Creepy Production Values. And it's entirely because you were raised on films by people like Quentin Tarantino or Kevin Smith from View Askew. Everyone knows that Quentin Tarantino steals all of the elements of his films from earlier movies to such an extent that they've just grown to accept it.
Kevin Neece:
So you want to go down that rabbit hole do you? Somebody once said that when you make a movie, don't try to copy what other directors did, be original enough so that everyone else will one day want to copy you. Steven Spielberg made Jaws... so the copycats made Jaws Sequels and Foreign Film Knockoffs that were all compared to it. But Six Years before Jaws was released, Samuel Fuller and Burt Reynolds made a movie called Shark that was picked up by TROMA. I've never seen it, I'm sure the comparisons are coincidental, but everything is inspired by something previous in some way or another.
Skuld:
Indiana Jones was inspired by Action Adventure Serials from the 1930s and 1940s, and the Thugees from Temple of Doom were directly stolen from a 1930s Cary Grant movie called Gunga Din, which featured an Indian Face performance by Sam Jaffe, born to Russian Jewish Immigrants. The Last Crusade features the Holy Grail from the musical Camelot in 1967, then Monty Python and the Holy Grail in 1975, then Excalibur in 1981, to name a few before it got co-opted for Last Crusade in 1989. Steven Spielberg didn't even want to make a Third Indiana Jones movie after his disappointment with Temple of Doom. He just wanted to jump on the Bandwagon and make a James Bond movie, and the producers rejected him.
Steven Spielberg:
The producers of James Bond had their chance with me. They couldn't afford me today if they wanted me.
Kevin Neece:
Then I guess you're not a real fan of the Daniel Craig James Bond movies, because if you had really wanted the job, you would have made those James Bond movies for Scale just to have your name attached to the series. Beggers cannot be choosers Steven. I would drag you into my Ah My Goddess series and put you in my movies just to teach you a lesson.
Steven Spielberg:
No Kevin, I just don't like the idea of being financially exploited by the Major Studios. Somebody's going to get paid from my movies, it might as well be me for putting the work in on them.
Kevin Neece:
That's the problem Steven. You and SAG AFTRA believe that we didn't deserve to be paid for our efforts, because you believe our films are bad movies. So kindly fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Shall we continue.
Skuld:
Indiana Jones was produced by George Lucas, who only hit it big because of Star Wars, but the original Star Wars movie was directly based on Akira Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress. George Lucas claims that R2D2 and 3CPO were both based on the Two Thieves, but in reality, it's all of the main characters. The only element missing from the Hidden Fortress was the Death Star itself. George Lucas acts like he had an entire mythology based around Star Wars, but nope, it was the Hidden Fortress, and most of his Aliens from the Star Wars Prequels are based on Offensive Racial Stereotypes. He stole from a Japanese Filmmaker like Akira Kurosawa, then he took a big shit on Akira Kurosawa's Japanese Culture with the Japanese Stereotype Aliens in The Phantom Menace.
Kevin Neece:
Hook was based by Peter Pan, but the Character Design for Dustin Hoffman was directly based on the Disney Depiction of Captain Hook, so the Disney connection was intentional. You made four remakes, Twilight Zone The Movie Kick the Can, War of the Worlds, West Side Story, and The BFG which already had an animated adaptation. And while Schindler's List was based on a True Story, you wanted Billy Wilder to make it because of his work on Stalag 17 and he convinced you to make the movie yourself.
Skuld:
And let's not forget the most important two films of all, Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Ready Player One. Both movies based on Pop Culture with Cameo Characters from other movies.
Steven Spielberg:
Yes, but in all fairness... nobody ever topped Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Every time somebody makes a film in Animation Live Action format, they say it's the next Roger Rabbit because that's their only basis for comparison. Space Jam, Wreck It Ralph, Looney Tunes Back in Action by Joe Dante from Gremlins, Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers, Tom and Jerry The Movie Remake, and now we've got Coyote vs Acme. And none of those films will ever be as Good as Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Kevin Neece:
Gotcha Steven. The Detective Plot for Who Framed Roger Rabbit was based on the Third Planned but never made Sequel to Roman Polanski's Chinatown. So basically the Third Chinatown movie got produced before the second Chinatown movie The Two Jakes.
Skuld:
Everyone brags about what a technical marvel Who Framed Roger Rabbit was, but before Roger Rabbit could run, Disney taught you how to walk with Song of the South, which is why Brer Bear has a cameo in the Roger Rabbit movie. Then Ralph Bakshi did an Animation with Live Action Backgrounds parody of Song of the South in the 1970s called Coonskin which resulted in protestors smoke bombing the theaters.
Kevin Neece:
And before Song of the South there was Gene Kelly dancing with Tom and Jerry in The Worry Song from Anchors Aweigh. And lets not forget Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarves which featured Animated Snow White walking in and out of live action forest backgrounds. Somebody asked Disney if they were still able to make movies like Snow White and they said that they couldn't because they never learned how to do it.
Steven Spielberg:
And in 1936, Max Fleischer made Popeye meets Sinbad the Sailor which features a sequence where Popeye walks through a live action background cave similar to what you just described in Disney's Snow White. Yes there were previous examples that let up to Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but our film was the ultimate realization of Live Action Actors interacting with Animated Characters and it was hand drawn during a time period decades before you all had access to AI Deepfakes that could animate your cartoons and bring photographs to life. What we did on Who Framed Roger Rabbit was very difficult. What you did on the Ah My Goddess Pollo AI Cartoons made it look easy, like anyone could now do what we did, but none of the shots cut together and the voices weren't in sync.
Kevin Neece:
But that's because AI Deepfakes are still in their walk before you can run stages. And nobody wants the technology to progress any further because it removes the human element from it. There are reportedly 300 films on Netflix right now by the Major Studios that incorporate Generative AI, so it's not the studios that have a problem with the technology, they just don't want no budget filmmakers like me to have access to it because it allows me to deepfake the actors without paying them for it. The Merger with Paramount and Warner Brothers might be beneficial to me because it's going to result in Paramount moving to Austin Texas where I was born and raised, but 4,500 people from the film industry are about to find themselves out of work because of that. I finally got my wish to animate my cartoons, and now that the technology exists, I can't use it because it's going to put everyone out of work just like I've been since 2010.
Skuld:
And getting back to the subject of Ready Player One... if you have no intentions of directing Ready Player Two yourself, then that means that you secretly don't have faith in your own project, as if you are being forced to make the movies by the studios. If you don't believe in the movie, then you shouldn't be making it at all.
Kate Capshaw:
What's your favorite film in the Jurassic Park franchise?
Skuld:
Sincerely, every time I watch the Original Jurassic Park, a part of me wishes that the studios had just left it alone and never made any sequels at all.
Kate Capshaw:
But if you had to pick a Jurassic Park sequel, which one would be the most entertaining?
Skuld:
Everyone believes that Jurassic Park III was the best one in hindsight, because it was made by Cult Director Joe Johnston, from Disney's The Rocketeer and Captain America The First Avenger.
Kate Capshaw:
If Steven had directed Jurassic Park III himself, then Joe Johnston never would have gotten the chance to step up to the plate, and he wouldn't have gotten the job for Captain America The Winter Soldier. Just because you made something, doesn't mean that all of the decision making has to come directly from you. Sometimes you need to let others into the loop.
Kevin Neece:
We did offer to give creative control of Ah My Goddess back to Kodansha Ltd. They didn't want it. I'm going to be stuck making this show for the rest of my life because I don't know how to make anything else. It's like when Elvis Presley wanted to do a World Tour and visit Europe, but Colonel Tom Parker wouldn't let him because he was an illegal immigrant and didn't have a passport. So instead Colonel Tom Parker just broadcast Elvis Presley worldwide via Satellite. Yes, I can make any movie I want, with any actors I want, about any subject I want, without censorship from the Ratings Boards because the films are NC-17 equivalent. But they have to take place in the Ah My Goddess Universe because those are the characters that I have to work with. So it's about the Three Fates and the Goddess Hotline Office interacting with Modern Day Society. Internet Culture and Social Media simply did not exist back when Ah My Goddess was produced back in 2005, so the show was trapped in the 1990s for thirty years in a fantasy world that just doesn't adhere to reality.
Skuld:
Please Listen to Reason Mr Spielberg. Don't make Ready Player Two if you don't believe in the movie. It's the exact same situation that you had with Jurassic Park the Lost World. Michael Crichton and Ernest Cline didn't write their sequels because they were good ideas, they wrote them because it was making them money. Those sequels were forced ideas just like JAWS 2, JAWS 3D, and JAWS THE REVENGE.
Steven Spielberg:
Yes Skuld. That's exactly why we're making Ready Player Two. It's the Money! Somebody has to pay for all of this Luxury so that you two can mooch off of my living room television and live in this nice house! We have to bring in the money somehow! We have to make Ready Player Two so we can give people jobs and they can make money! Do you understand!
Kevin Neece:
But none of the fans actually liked Ready Player One. We liked it. I even bootlegged the Alamo Drafthouse Preshow. but nobody else on the internet liked it. If they didn't think the first movie got the book right, they're not going to think the second one is an improvement. It's like George Lucas putting Aliens in Indiana Jones and everyone's faces begin to melt off.
Steven Spielberg:
Stop listening to the internet Kevin! The entire reason you murdered everyone from the Epstein Investigation is because you listened to the internet instead of actually doing your research! And look where it got you! Now you're living with me under house arrest! What the fuck are you, the Animaniacs?
Skuld:
The Animaniacs are Three Siblings. Ah My Goddess are Three Sisters. Yakko Warner was voiced by Robert Paulson, who worked on The Mask Animated Series for Dark Horse Comics, the american publishers of Ah My Goddess. You can run but you can't hide Steven. The Three Fates are everywhere.
Kate Capshaw:
Well do you think the Goddesses of Fate can be in our Dining Room for the Next Two Hours? Even Hekate Goddess of the Crossroads has got to eat sometime.
Steven Spielberg:
Our Children are about to show up to Dinner.
Skuld:
You mean the Seven Princes of Hell?
Kate Capshaw:
That is one way you could describe them.
Skuld:
Well you are Hollywood Royalty. And you met on a Pagan Blood Sacrifice Movie.
Steven Spielberg:
Do you both think you can be civil?
Kevin Neece:
Why would we want to intrude on your family dinner? Does it look like I know how to juggle dialogue between 11 people? I couldn't stand conversing with 6 people at my own family dinners, so usually I just eat my goddamn food and keep my goddamn mouth shut while my ex-wife does all of the talking.
Kate Capshaw:
That's perfect! You should both do that!
CUT TO:
EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
END OF SCENE
DINNER SCENE
EXT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
INT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S DINING ROOM - DAY
Steven Spielberg:
You're both in luck... most of the family backed out at the last minute. Guess you only get to meet Jessica and Theo for now.
Theo Spielberg:
And who is this guy sitting next to us.
Kate Capshaw:
That guy? He's the Demi-God that Takes the Trash.
Theo Spielberg:
So you're guest housing Demi-Gods now. That doesn't surprise me.
Steven Spielberg:
What is that supposed to imply?
Theo Spielberg:
Nothing. Nothing.
----
Mr High and Mighty, Holier than God, Lord of the Entertainment Industry who can do no wrong.
Skuld:
Never forget that Jesus Christ was Jewish before his own Critics crucified him.
Jessica Capshaw:
Clearly Theo hasn't been to the theater to see Disclosure Day just yet.
Steven Spielberg:
They seem to think that you and your siblings are the Seven Princes of Hell.
Theo Spielberg:
I could understand that metaphor.
Steven Spielberg:
It's not a metaphor. They think it's literal.
Kate Capshaw:
In some ways, you could be the Seven Demons from Marvel's Shazam.
Theo Spielberg:
I AM SHAZAM!
Jessica Capshaw:
NO! I AM SHAZAM!
Steven Spielberg:
You could actually learn a few lessons about career appreciation by reading Kevin Neece's autobiography. The only reason he's an indie filmmaker is because, get this, he couldn't get a job since 2010 because he walked out on a Dishwasher Gig at Alamo Drafthouse. Then he became a Theater Pirate and took the theater for 350 preshows and nobody tried to arrest him! If any of you ever wind up in the position that Kevin Neece is in, I'll finish you off myself.
Jessica Capshaw:
I consider myself to be very lucky to have had my television career. Ten Years on Grey's Anatomy isn't something to complain about.
Theo Spielberg:
I'm an aspiring musician. I haven't exactly set the world on fire like dear old dad here, but at least I didn't have success handed to me on a silver platter overnight. Where's the fun in that?
Jessica Capshaw:
As long as we're on the subject, I'm trying to raise the money for our next film production.
Steven Spielberg:
Not a goddamn dime.
Jessica Capshaw:
But Steven, Eddie Murphy gave his daughter $5 Million for one of her film productions.
Kate Capshaw:
Yes, and Eddie Murphy immediately cut his daughter off and blocked her messages when he realized she was irresponsible with his money and wasn't making any progress on the film production.
Kevin Neece:
Oh for fuck's sake, just give the screenplay to me. I don't need $5 Million to make one of my movies. You can use the film as a test video to show the investors to raise the money for the real one, just like Ed Wood did for the Baptist Producers on Plan Nine from Outer Space. They wanted to raise money to make thirteen movies about the Apostles, so they invested in a Sci Fi Movie that was sellable so they could raise the money for the Jesus Christ Apostle films.
Steven Spielberg:
You always said that you wanted more LGBTQ on Live Television. Kevin used to make music documentaries with Drag Queens and Transgender Actors from Austin Texas. He shot them all using his iphone7 and released them all online for free.
Jessica Capshaw:
You're putting me on! Are your films an underground hit with the Trans Community?
Skuld:
Not exactly. Christeene Vale should have set his career as a Cult Filmmaker for life because of her online popularity, but nobody knows the underground concert movie exists because it doesn't pop up in a youtube search for Christeene Vale, and the artist refuses to acknowledge his existence to the general public.
Theo Spielberg:
Sounds like somebody didn't clear permissions rights to shoot the video.
Steven Spielberg:
Yes Theo, he didn't clear permissions rights for his entire film career and it resulted in him being blacklisted by the entire voice actor entertainment industry because of regulations from SAG AFTRA. Sean Astin refused to acknowledge him or respond to him when he took his case to them because he accused them of putting him in a position where he was exploited by Kodansha Ltd and Dark Horse Comics.
Theo Spielberg:
So how did he wind up staying here in your house?
Kate Capshaw:
They used witchcraft to replicate a Death Note and then he mass murdered everyone on the Jeffrey Epstein Investigation and Little Saint James Flight Logs list. The FBI and the Illuminati couldn't figure out what to do with them so they sentenced them both to house arrest here for the next ten years. By technical definition, Kevin Neece and Skuld Nornir are serial killers that target Hollywood Actors and Police Officers.
Jessica Capshaw:
Did you just say TEN YEARS?
Theo Spielberg:
Did you just say SERIAL KILLERS?
Skuld:
I'm the Angel of Death from Norse Paganism. In case anyone was wondering. All of the Death Incidents in the United States are now originating from a Spiritual Presence that now lives in this house with us named Hekate Goddess of the Crossroads.
(beat)
Theo Spielberg:
Actually, that doesn't surprise me at all either. What do you both think we've been eating for the past ten minutes?
Kevin Neece:
Well it doesn't taste like steak. It doesn't taste like Veal either.
Kate Capshaw:
You should try the sauce. The sauce makes the dish.
Skuld:
It's kind of like chicken... but it doesn't look like chicken. The last time I tasted something like this was when we used to visit Papua New Guinea. Along the banks of the Nedeiram Kabur River to be precise.
Cue the Soundtrack to Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer
Steven Spielberg:
That's because we're Cannibals Skuld. The Cult of Baal is a Jewish Religion. In some ways our family have a bigger body count than you do.
(beat)
Kevin Neece:
Are you insinuating that this meal we're eating actually once had a name and a social security number?
Kate Capshaw:
Well, we were planning on eating leftovers, but somebody kept raiding our fridge late at night, and you did say you wanted to experience my home cooking. So we whipped up a little something special just for you Kevin. We call this dish: The Jennifer Jason Leigh Special. With a side of Noah Baumbach. And we're having Roman Baumbach Soufflé for Dessert.
Skuld:
Damn dude. Jennifer Jason Leigh really does taste like Chicken. The Spielbergs just made you eat your own daughter from a Past Life.
Kevin Neece:
In some ways, Jennifer Jason Leigh was the long lost daughter I never knew.
Steven Spielberg:
Jennifer Jason Leigh was one of the few actresses who stood up to me with her lawyers over the wrongful death of Vic Morrow, fully knowing that I was one of the Hollywood Elites and that I could destroy her career. And despite this, she still managed to have a film career spanning 114 Films and Television Shows, without ever coming into contact with one of my Production Companies like Amblin or Dreamworks. Her last show was called "Something Bad is About to Happen" and she was damn right about that.
Kate Capshaw:
We considered digging up Barbara Turner so we could roast her bones over a Barbeque but that seemed to be a little too extreme.
Skuld:
We researched Jennifer Jason Leigh's film career for John Candy is a Satanist, and every actor that has worked on one of her films can be connected to movies involving Witchcraft and the Occult. She was being haunted by Hekate Goddess of the Crossroads her entire life because of her relation to Vic Morrow, and she never even knew it.
Kevin Neece:
You know, when I was a young teenager in the 1990s, back during the Mom and Pop VHS Rental Days before the invention of Internet Porn, I tried to masturbate to Jennifer Jason Leigh's sex scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Now that I look back on that, knowing that I may have been her biological father in my past life, and how the Spiritual Deities from Norse Mythology used to engage in Incest and Pedophilia, it all comes together and makes sense now.
Steven Spielberg:
Is there a point to this story?
Kevin Neece:
More like a punchline really.
Steven Spielberg:
And what is the punchline to this sick and twisted practical joke from the Fates?
Kevin Neece:
Wouldn't be the first time that I've masturbated to someone that I wound up eating.
Theo Spielberg:
You see Kevin, those people that you targeted from the Epstein Investigation, those were the ones that you knew about because they were stupid enough to get caught. But the Cult of Baal are still very much alive, and we are virtually everywhere. How do you cut the head off of the snake when the snake keeps breeding and making more snakes every single day? You might see some of us some of the time. You might even see all of us some of the time. But you're never going to get the drop on all of us all of the time before we turn around and get the drop on you.
Jessica Capshaw:
Let's give Kevin and Skuld a big round of applause and welcome them into the Spielberg Family! One of us! One of us! One of us!
Theo Spielberg:
One of us! One of us! One of us!
Steven Spielberg:
One of us! One of us! One of us!
Kate Capshaw:
One of us! One of us! One of us!
CUT TO:
EXT. STEVEN SPIELBERG'S HOUSE - DAY
CUT TO:
EXT. OUTER SPACE BACKGROUND - DAY
Cue the Twilight Zone Theme
Skuld:
There is a fifth dimension that is beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pits of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call The Twlight Zone.
END OF SCENE
