Once upon a time, Stanley Kubrick decided to take it easy on his "Genius" Film Career and only directed movies every eight years in order to retain his DGA Director's Pension.Kevin Neece's plan for the future of the Ah My Goddess series is like that. Back in 2000, it took Hiroaki Goda and an entire animation team years to make Ah My Goddess: The Movie, but now years later, Kevin Neece can crank out entire Ah My Goddess feature length films using stock animation on a budget of zero within a matter of months... there's just one issue. The Ah My Goddess message boards that actually watch Kevin Neece's anime films on facebook have an audience of fifteen people.
To Paraphrase Michael Madsen in Kill Bill Vol 2: "I'm saying I'm the Bouncer in a Titty Bar... and there ain't nobody out there to bounce." "So let me get this straight... you're saying that the reason you're not doing the job that we're paying you to do... is because you don't have a job to do... well you just fuckin' convinced me... get over here Bud... it's calendar time for Buddy... look, there's your name... there used to be your name... what about wednesday, are you working wednesday... no you're not... you don't even know what fuckin day you're working... there you go... you take the next two weeks off and you wait for me to call you... I'll call you... fuckin with your cash flow seems to be the only thing you kids understand nowadays."
So basically, if Hiroaki Goda can get away with only directing ONE Ah My Goddess movie back in 2000 and still be celebrated for that one goddamn movie decades later... then Kodansha Ltd and Kosuke Fujishima will forgive Kevin Neece if he limits himself to just one or two Ah My Goddess feature films per year, usually around Halloween October for Pagan Sacrifice Rituals, just to keep his name associated with the franchise on IMDb.
Does Kevin Neece still have ideas? Yes, I have an entire backlog of ideas and all of them would make for good movies if they were properly developed... the issue is not my ability to make these movies on a budget of zero, the issue is I need a script to work with and I do not have the advantage of Matt Stone and Trey Parker's South Park Writers Room Staff to make these scripts for me or feed me ideas so it's a One Man Job. Certainly I'm open to Aoki Uhei or somebody from Kodansha Ltd Staff writing these screenplays, there's just nobody out that wants the job because it's an unpaid fan film that is blacklisted by the voice actor industry. No Anime Industry Professional wants to work for free... and yet for some strange reason that is exactly what Kevin Neece has been doing for the past six years while everyone at Kodansha Ltd refuses to respond to him. If Kevin Neece had been an official employee and these ideas had been developed in house, the Kodansha Ltd Staff would have paid him and conversed with him like a normal human being, but if Kevin Neece makes the movie independently outside the studio system by himself without pay, Kodansha Ltd treats him like he's invisible and refuses to respond to him out of "company policy". This emotionally abusive treatment has gone well beyond the limits of normal "company policy" because of the six years of extensive work that Kevin Neece has put into the Ah My Goddess series and has now reached the stage of corporate cruelty and alienation but this is unfortunately what Kevin Neece has to work with. In case you haven't noticed, Kevin Neece isn't planning to sue your company for revenge, he's sending his Death Goddess to murder your CEO via Black Magick and Witchcraft, and if Yoshinobu Noma's Tarot Cards are reading correctly, his days are currently numbered.
So if it aint' on the page, it ain't on the stage. Perhaps it's better for the Creative Process to only make one or two movies per year when I'm in creativity mode than to force them out of me month by month like Kosuke Fujishima was forced to do for thirty years. The Oh My Goddess manga had long stretches where it felt like he kept falling back on races to solve all of the Nekomi Gang's problems because he was stalling for time to write and making six issues of racing panels at one issue per month gave him the time he needed. So forcing Kosuke Fujishima to make Oh My Goddess on a month by month basis didn't really help him from a Creativity Standpoint, it just paid his monthly bills and it explains why he wanted to cancel the series as far back as the Lord of Terror Arc from Ah My Goddess Season One.
So here are the Ah My Goddess Storylines that are on the Future Feature Film Slate for now.
1) You're Under Arrest: Urd Your Wife is Calling. Officer Natsumi Tsujimoto and Urd decide to get legally married so that they can claim relationship partner benefits from the Bokuto Police Department only to face discrimination from their Bosses over their Lesbianism. After a fall out argument over Urd's lack of responsibility in their relationship, Urd gets smashed drunk during her bachelorette party and wakes up on the other side of Japan with Otaki and no fucking idea how they got there, leaving Urd and Otaki to hitchhike back home. While this is happening, Urd is engaging in phone conversations with Natsumi Tsujimoto during which she is trying to hide what has happened to her coming up with one excuse after another to buy her more time to make it home for the Wedding. While this is going on Natsumi Tsujimoto also has her hands full dealing with a Pickpocket named Bartleby Hisakawa who has Tokyo Japan in chaos and enlists Lupin III to help her find the thief. When Urd finally makes it home in time for the Wedding, a fight breaks out in the Church when Strikeman and Troubadour show up to break up the Wedding to try and stop them and wind up in a Fist Fight with each other, with Strikeman confessing his love for "Home Run Girl". Urd and Natsumi go through with the Wedding anyway only to become tragically separated by the Judgment Gate when Urd's lack of honesty with Natsumi Tsujimoto results in her failing the test. Urd returns home traumatized and devastated only to find Natsumi waiting for her with John Waters Doctor What, who explains that he used the TARDIS to travel back in time to stop them before the separation. John Waters breaks down in tears and explains to them that Marriage is just a sheet of paper that some people feel they need for their relationship to be validated, and unfortunately, society still has a long way to go before the Government will ever allow Same Sex Couples to love each other for who they are. The Entire Reason that Marriage was created to begin with is because Weddings in the past were used as Business Partnerships that allowed Families to join with each other for Money and Property and had very little to do with actual love.
2) Bad Goddess: One Wish. Scandal has taken Yggdrasil HQ by storm when Robin Williams is put on Trial in the Afterlife for the crime of committing suicide leaving everybody on the staff completely shocked. In order to buy Robin Williams some more time, Skuld and his Lawyer Marlon Wayans kidnap Robin Williams during the Trial Recess and use the TARDIS to hide him in the one place nobody would ever expect to look for him, the cinematic universe of Tim Burton's Batman, where Robin Williams, Marlon Wayans, and Skuld face off against different variations of The Joker while engaging in existential arguments over Robin Williams career, how Warner Brothers and Disney kept repeatedly fucking him over on the Batman and Aladdin movies, the Irony of What Dreams May Come, jokes about Marlon Wayans being cast as Batman's Sidekick Robin only to be replaced by Chris O'Donnell, leading to the ultimate shocking reveal of all. Why the hell did the Funniest Man on Earth kill himself? Robin Williams wins his freedom during the Afterlife Trial when it is revealed they he suffered from Dementia and Mental Illness and was therefore not in control of his own actions when he took his own life. In order for someone to stand trial, they must first be deemed Mentally Competent and Robin Williams Tragic Mental Health Condition Ironically saves him from being sent to Hell.
3) Marller Gets a Spinoff: Cowboy Bippity Bop. The movie opens with Mara Marller performing in Broadway Theater singing "Remember My Forgotten Man" from Gold Diggers of 1933. Mara Marller wakes up from her dream to find herself sleeping in a Bus Station with the Marller Gang who are Homeless after the Last Adventure. While eating at a nearby McDonalds, Mara Marller gets caught putting Sprite into a complementary water cup, then flips off the manager and walks out, unaware that the petty crime is caught on camera. The Marller Gang travel centuries into the future only to discover that Mara Marller has been on the Most Wanted List for Centuries because her Petty Soda Crime at McDonalds classified as a Felony Theft Crime and her evasion of the Law resulted in Thousands of Years of Additional Charges being added to her record dragging all of her friends in the Marller Gang into it as her Accomplices. This leads to the Marller Gang being hunted by the Bounty Hunters from Cowboy Bebop, who are oblivious as to what sort of crime Marller actually committed in the first place, it just says Felony Theft with no mention that it was Sprite in a Water Cup. Team Cowboy Bebop chases the Marller Gang through a number of Vintage Sci Fi Movies from Roger Corman where they are both captured by a Space Pirate played by Drag Artist Christeene Vale impersonating Emperor Ming from Flash Gordon. Christeene Vale is revealed to be one of the Dragon Eye's Thirteen Escaped Demons, but ulitmately gets away after stranding the Marller Gang and Cowboy Bebop on the Planet of Starship Troopers where they are under attack by Bugs. The Team from Joss Whedon's Firefly and Serenity shows up to rescue them at the last minute, and they chase down Christeene Vale for the Final Showdown leading to the Capture of the Second Escaped Demon since The Mad Doctor.
4) Ah My Job Hunting Goddess: Contract Killers. Skuld is visiting her Psychiatrist played by Bruce Campbell and telling him the story of her troubles in flashback. It all started when Kodansha Ltd CEO Yoshinobu Noma secretly calls Skuld into his office and hires her as a Hitman for a Secret Mission. Kosuke Fujishima wants Skuld to murder Kevin Neece's Father Jim Neece during his Retirement Vacation in the Bahamas, so that his Rich Grandfather Roy Neece's Inheritance will bypass him going to his son Kevin Neece instead, allowing Kosuke Fujishima and Yoshinobu Noma to finally profit off of suing Kevin Neece for copyright infringment on his Ah My Goddess Fan Films. Skuld's Hitman Job on Jim Neece goes to plan, but backfires when Kevin Neece writes an FBI Confession Scandal Tell All called The Story of a Blacklisted Bootlegger, exposing the Existence of the Goddesses and Yggdrasil HQ to the FBI and the CIA and the United States Government, and detailing how Skuld was secretly the Grim Reaper all along. Word of Kevin Neece's book get passed around Yggdrasil HQ's Staff and suddenly everybody begins to re-examine all of the greatest unsolved murders throughout history only to discover that Skuld was the Goddess of Death behind everyone of them, and a subplot emerges detailing how Skuld has been engaged in a secret competition with Andras The Marquis of Discord, played by Daniel Radcliffe, as to who can create the most chaos. This movie is also the set up for the next storyline. Andras The Marquis of Discord was previously introduced back in Bad Goddess: Touched by an Angel.
5) Idris Elba is James Bond in Don't Break the Ice. Irritated with the State of Politics, Fake News Coverage, and Xenophobia in America, Skuld decides to stage a massive prank to teach all of the Americans a lesson by fabricating a Fake Islam Terrorist Group calling themselves "The Eskimo Sandn***ers" who are planning to blow up a Doomsday Iceberg to raise the Sea Levels through Climate Change sinking Japan and America underwater like the movie Waterworld. The point of Skuld's Racist Ruse is she wants to see how many Republican News Reporters she can get fired and career cancelled off of television for saying "Eskimo Sandn***ers" live on television and at first her sick prank works like a charm. There's just one problem that Skuld has overlooked, the Doomsday Iceberg is real, and her Terrorist Plan to blow up the Iceberg has just been hijacked by Andras The Marquis of Discord, played by Daniel Radcliffe. Skuld hacks into the MI5's database and drafts Idris Elba's James Bond on a mission to beat Andras and the Eskimo Sandn***ers to the Doomsday Iceberg, but Idris Elba gets robbed at the Airport by Noelle Parker, the Teenager from Ernest Saves Christmas. Tom Cruise from Mission Impossible is too busy to help Idris Elba out himself but Simon Pegg throws him a bone and tells him that another MI5 operative will meet him at the Airport to assist him on his mission, look for a man selling shower curtain rings. It's John Candy reprising his role as Del Griffith from Planes Trains and Automobiles, and he's Idris Elba's co-star for the rest of the movie during their adventure. Can Idris Elba, Skuld, Noelle Parker, and John Candy beat Andras the Marquis of Discord and the Eskimo Sandn***ers to the Doomsday Iceberg?
6) Ah My Goddess: Wacky Go Lucky. Inspired by the Warren Beatty Political Farce Bulworth, Kodansha Ltd CEO ropes Kosuke Fujishima into a Gentleman's Wager to finance Kosuke-san's Political Campaign to run for the Prime Minister of Japan with Voice Actor Mitsuo Iwata as his running mate (Ganchan the Rat from Mini Goddess). Kosuke Fujishima has no fucking chance of winning the election because he has no background training as a politician, but as CEO Yoshinobu Noma explains to him, the only experience you really need to perform the job of a Politician is Common Sense, a Strong Moral Backbone, and the ability to use an Ink Pen to sign things, which is pretty much what Kosuke Fujishima has been doing as a Mangaka on the Ah My Goddess series for decades. Instead of trying to win the election, Yoshinobu Noma wants Kosuke Fujishima and Mitsuo Iwata to meet their Political Crook Opponents in Battle after Battle like a Rocky Balboa movie with the intention of Throwing the Race by telling them the Outspoken Truth and what they REALLY want to say to the Japanese Public. In short, this is going to be fucking hilarious. There's just one little problem... Kevin Neece doesn't know anything about Japan's Political Issues either.
7) You're Under Arrest: Von Zipper Breaks Loose. Kosuke Fujishima's former cosplayer wife Nekomu Otogi has grown bored with being a Housewife hidden from the public spotlight and has been seduced by Doctor What and the Marller Gang into sneaking out of the house to party every night in the Cinematic Universe of Frankie Avalon's Beach Party. When Nekomu Otogi gets passed out drunk, the Marller Gang pranks her when she wakes up back in her apartment in Chiba Japan with Harvey Lembeck's Eric Von Zipper, completely unaware for how they both got there or how they are going to get Eric Von Zipper back to the Beach where he belongs. Nekomu Otogi and Eric Von Zipper try to hunt down Kosuke Fujishima at Kodansha Ltd where Harvey Lembeck becomes the life of the party because all of the staff members believe he is an impersonator. Eric Von Zipper then suffers an existential crisis when he realizes that the reason why he never appeared in Back to the Beach was because he died, leaving behind two adult children in America, one of which Michael Lembeck is the director of The Santa Clause Trilogy with Tim Allen. Eric Von Zipper gets arrested by the officers from You're Under Arrest for making a scene at the office, and during his escape, Officer Natsumi Tsujimoto is forced to chase after him though the City as the Night begins to fall. Things go from bad to worse when the two of them come face to face with a Yakuza Gangland Murder perpetrated by Yakuza Mike, played by Horror Director James Wan. Eric Von Zipper and Natsumi Tsujimoto are forced into a game of cat and mouse with Yakuza Mike based on the Emilio Estevez Thriller Judgment Night where the Yakuza have no plans of allowing the witnesses to go free, leading to a bunch of Tarantino'esque Discussions as Eric Von Zipper tries to charm their way out of the Yakuza's Lair.
