Kevin Neece got hit with some additional story ideas and dialogue scenes while eating at Denny's around 6am, and managed to write out 15 pages for a comedy sketch scene. Unfortunately, after I burned out and took a break for the computer to charge, I looked it up online to see if South Park had already made an episode making fun of Anthony Weiner's Laptop, and South Park has. There's an episode of South Park called The Simpsons Did It where Matt Stone and Trey Parker lament that all of their best ideas they come up with keep getting shot down because The Simpsons had already done it, only to come to the conclusions that because The Simpsons have been running for decades, it is virtually impossible not to accidentally copy them because they have already done everything. I'm not sure if I should continue with this storyline, if I can come up with additional scenes later, then maybe I'll finish the screenplay. It was worth a shot, but not every idea that I come up with deserves to make it all the way to video production.
AH MY GODDESS:
THE HOLY GRAIL THAT IS ANTHONY WEINER'S LAPTOP
Written by
KEVIN NEECE and HEKATE
GODDESS OF THE CROSSROADS
THE HOLY GRAIL THAT IS ANTHONY WEINER'S LAPTOP
Written by
KEVIN NEECE and HEKATE
GODDESS OF THE CROSSROADS
FADE IN:
EXT STARBUCKS SOUTH AUSTIN
CUT TO:
INT STARBUCKS SOUTH AUSTIN LOBBY
SEPHERANZ THE SPIDER QUEEN:
Kevin Neece... seeing as you did such a phenomenal job on the Attorney Generals Office Arsonist Stunt against Ken Paxton, we thought we would bestow upon you a special magical artifact that will help you on your question to fuck with the Illuminati and the US Government.
Kevin Neece... seeing as you did such a phenomenal job on the Attorney Generals Office Arsonist Stunt against Ken Paxton, we thought we would bestow upon you a special magical artifact that will help you on your question to fuck with the Illuminati and the US Government.
KEVIN NEECE:
A Magical Artifact? Of what sort be this Magical Artifact. We've practically taken down half of the Sex Offenders and Corrupt Politicians in the United States, and we've still got 24 hours left before our big meeting with Admiral Commander Brad Cooper and the Three Wise Men from Centcom.
A Magical Artifact? Of what sort be this Magical Artifact. We've practically taken down half of the Sex Offenders and Corrupt Politicians in the United States, and we've still got 24 hours left before our big meeting with Admiral Commander Brad Cooper and the Three Wise Men from Centcom.
RYUK THE SHINIGAMI:
We thought it would be only fair to keep things thematically connected to the Jeffrey Epstein Investigation, so we called in a few special favors with the Goddess Hotline Office and got you access to a special piece of evidence stolen from the FBI's Evidence Room in Washington DC, right under the nose of Kash Patel's Staff Members. Are you ready? Drumroll please. Kevin Neece... we proudly present to you...
We thought it would be only fair to keep things thematically connected to the Jeffrey Epstein Investigation, so we called in a few special favors with the Goddess Hotline Office and got you access to a special piece of evidence stolen from the FBI's Evidence Room in Washington DC, right under the nose of Kash Patel's Staff Members. Are you ready? Drumroll please. Kevin Neece... we proudly present to you...
SEPHERANZ THE SPIDER QUEEN:
The Holy Grail that is known as Anthony Weiner's Laptop... don't you just love it? Couldn't you just die?
The Holy Grail that is known as Anthony Weiner's Laptop... don't you just love it? Couldn't you just die?
KEVIN NEECE:
Wow... it's so sparkly and pretty... like a fairy tale come true... Anthony Weiner's Laptop truly is a Magical Artifact that Conspiracy Theorists everywhere would give their left nut just to get their hands on. Anthony Weiner's Laptop is truly the stuff of legends. Just think of all the amazing practical uses and applications that we could do with this thing when we combine it with all of the US Government Intelligence, Criminal Justice System, and News Station contacts that I've been building up in my emails over the past nine years.
Wow... it's so sparkly and pretty... like a fairy tale come true... Anthony Weiner's Laptop truly is a Magical Artifact that Conspiracy Theorists everywhere would give their left nut just to get their hands on. Anthony Weiner's Laptop is truly the stuff of legends. Just think of all the amazing practical uses and applications that we could do with this thing when we combine it with all of the US Government Intelligence, Criminal Justice System, and News Station contacts that I've been building up in my emails over the past nine years.
SEPHERANZ THE SPIDER QUEEN:
Smile for the cameras Kevin. You've earned it. We should take a picture for commemorative reasons. It's like you're Second Birthday or something.
Smile for the cameras Kevin. You've earned it. We should take a picture for commemorative reasons. It's like you're Second Birthday or something.
RYUK THE SHINIGAMI:
I feel like I'm watching the Ultimate Internet Troll being bestowed with the Sword of Excalibur by the Lady of the Lake herself. Starting you on your quest for the Ultimate Truth. Only you Kevin could have pulled this Sword from the Stone like a Sex Trafficking Victim pulling on Anthony Weiner's Stiff Hard Cock.
I feel like I'm watching the Ultimate Internet Troll being bestowed with the Sword of Excalibur by the Lady of the Lake herself. Starting you on your quest for the Ultimate Truth. Only you Kevin could have pulled this Sword from the Stone like a Sex Trafficking Victim pulling on Anthony Weiner's Stiff Hard Cock.
KEVIN NEECE:
I hear that ten different police officers got to investigate this thing, and all ten of them were found dead from suicide, including the Chief of Police. If the Illuminati is behind the Suicides, then imagine what could happen if we outnumber them by sending this shit to everybody in the United States.
I hear that ten different police officers got to investigate this thing, and all ten of them were found dead from suicide, including the Chief of Police. If the Illuminati is behind the Suicides, then imagine what could happen if we outnumber them by sending this shit to everybody in the United States.
SEPHERANZ THE SPIDER QUEEN:
Oh yes, about that, are you sure it's a good idea to be sending out potential sex trafficking evidence using your own email address. I mean, half of the United States is afraid to here from you now that you are being reported all over the news with the Death Note War.
Oh yes, about that, are you sure it's a good idea to be sending out potential sex trafficking evidence using your own email address. I mean, half of the United States is afraid to here from you now that you are being reported all over the news with the Death Note War.
KEVIN NEECE:
Well how else am I supposed to send out the emails? What do you propose we do, hack into the Starbucks General Managers Email Accounts and send them out under the disguise of Starbucks Coupons?
Well how else am I supposed to send out the emails? What do you propose we do, hack into the Starbucks General Managers Email Accounts and send them out under the disguise of Starbucks Coupons?
RYUK THE SHINIGAMI:
That's actually not a very bad idea. Everybody loves Starbucks Coupons. And everybody loves Dead Pedophiles. It's a winning combination.
That's actually not a very bad idea. Everybody loves Starbucks Coupons. And everybody loves Dead Pedophiles. It's a winning combination.
KEVIN NEECE:
Okay Harvey the Invisible Rabbit. If you say so. But before we attempt to send the entire United States into even more chaos than it's already suffering right now... there's someone else that I've forgotten to get out of the way. Someone else from the Ah My Goddess Cast and Crew that I overlooked during the Death Note Attack. I know... when was the last time I shot John Ledford an email? He was one of the producers on Ah My Goddess Flights of Fancy, and then he moved on to become the CEO of Sentai Filmworks, A.D. Vision, and HIDIVE. I've been meaning to get back at John Ledford after the Kyoto Animation Fire Incident where he told everyone that the best way to help the Animators was to buy more DVDs to put more money in the pockets of the Company Executives that antagonized Shinji Aoba in the first place. I don't suppose either of you have John Ledford's private email address do you.
Okay Harvey the Invisible Rabbit. If you say so. But before we attempt to send the entire United States into even more chaos than it's already suffering right now... there's someone else that I've forgotten to get out of the way. Someone else from the Ah My Goddess Cast and Crew that I overlooked during the Death Note Attack. I know... when was the last time I shot John Ledford an email? He was one of the producers on Ah My Goddess Flights of Fancy, and then he moved on to become the CEO of Sentai Filmworks, A.D. Vision, and HIDIVE. I've been meaning to get back at John Ledford after the Kyoto Animation Fire Incident where he told everyone that the best way to help the Animators was to buy more DVDs to put more money in the pockets of the Company Executives that antagonized Shinji Aoba in the first place. I don't suppose either of you have John Ledford's private email address do you.
SEPHERANZ THE SPIDER QUEEN:
Kevin... you have access permissions clearance to the Yggdrasil System... which means you can send out the contents of Anthony Weiner's Laptop to any email address on Planet Earth, including Foreign Countries like the Nation of Israel, the Nation of Iran, and even North Korea.
Kevin... you have access permissions clearance to the Yggdrasil System... which means you can send out the contents of Anthony Weiner's Laptop to any email address on Planet Earth, including Foreign Countries like the Nation of Israel, the Nation of Iran, and even North Korea.
KEVIN NEECE:
Yes... but I would rather focus all of my magical internet trolling abilities on John Ledford from Ah My Goddess. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait.
Yes... but I would rather focus all of my magical internet trolling abilities on John Ledford from Ah My Goddess. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait.
CUT TO:
INT JOHN LEDFORD'S OFFICE
JOHN LEDFORD:
That's weird, I just received an email for a lifetime membership for Free Starbucks. And it appears to be an actual Starbucks Company Email Address and not a Spam Account.
That's weird, I just received an email for a lifetime membership for Free Starbucks. And it appears to be an actual Starbucks Company Email Address and not a Spam Account.
ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT:
Well if you don't want it, I could always use a lifetime of Free Starbucks.
Well if you don't want it, I could always use a lifetime of Free Starbucks.
JOHN LEDFORD:
Holy Fucking Shit! What the Fuck am I Looking At! Avert Your Eyes! Avert Your Eyes! What is it! What is it! Oh the Humanity!
Holy Fucking Shit! What the Fuck am I Looking At! Avert Your Eyes! Avert Your Eyes! What is it! What is it! Oh the Humanity!
ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT:
Is somebody sending you illegal porn!
Is somebody sending you illegal porn!
JOHN LEDFORD:
Oh no! If it was merely illegal porn, I could just click the Delete Button and Pretend It Never Existed! I can't take my eyes off of this! It's burning itself into the back of my eyes and imprinting upon my human skull! I might never be able to unsee the contents of this Starbucks Email ever again! Avert your eyes! Avert your eyes before its too late and it drags you in too!
Oh no! If it was merely illegal porn, I could just click the Delete Button and Pretend It Never Existed! I can't take my eyes off of this! It's burning itself into the back of my eyes and imprinting upon my human skull! I might never be able to unsee the contents of this Starbucks Email ever again! Avert your eyes! Avert your eyes before its too late and it drags you in too!
ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT:
Oh My Goddess... it appears to be Princess Diana, and she's being anally violated by a Chimpanzee while Circus Clowns are masturbating on her back, and all of this while she's being finger cuffed by Jacob Rothschild, who is smearing melted swiss cheese all over his nether regions. Something is so perfectly wrong about all of this in every way! It's as if the photographs are possessed by some sort of Unholy Demon that's captured all of our nightmares and tormenting our Human Souls!
Oh My Goddess... it appears to be Princess Diana, and she's being anally violated by a Chimpanzee while Circus Clowns are masturbating on her back, and all of this while she's being finger cuffed by Jacob Rothschild, who is smearing melted swiss cheese all over his nether regions. Something is so perfectly wrong about all of this in every way! It's as if the photographs are possessed by some sort of Unholy Demon that's captured all of our nightmares and tormenting our Human Souls!
JOHN LEDFORD:
Do you realize what the both of us have just done! We've implicated ourselves as Witnesses in a Government Corruption Case! If we attempt to come forward to this to the Local Police and ever reveal to another human soul what we've both seen, we could be reported dead on the news by suicide!
Do you realize what the both of us have just done! We've implicated ourselves as Witnesses in a Government Corruption Case! If we attempt to come forward to this to the Local Police and ever reveal to another human soul what we've both seen, we could be reported dead on the news by suicide!
ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT:
Stop scrolling John! For the love of God stop scrolling! How many more photos of this terrifying freak show are featured in the Starbucks Email of Doom! Why haven't you deleted this by now!
Stop scrolling John! For the love of God stop scrolling! How many more photos of this terrifying freak show are featured in the Starbucks Email of Doom! Why haven't you deleted this by now!
JOHN LEDFORD:
The email isn't deleting itself! The Laptop is completely frozen as if the Unholy Demon is possessing the Laptop and trying to incriminate us! We have to destroy the Laptop! We have to destroy the entire laptop before it's too late! It's not enough to ditch the evidence or even to delete it! If the NSA are monitoring our Emails and they get their hands on the Hard Drive, the both of use are going to be reported as Suicides on the Late Night News!
The email isn't deleting itself! The Laptop is completely frozen as if the Unholy Demon is possessing the Laptop and trying to incriminate us! We have to destroy the Laptop! We have to destroy the entire laptop before it's too late! It's not enough to ditch the evidence or even to delete it! If the NSA are monitoring our Emails and they get their hands on the Hard Drive, the both of use are going to be reported as Suicides on the Late Night News!
ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT:
But all of our documents, contracts, and portfolios are on that Laptop!
But all of our documents, contracts, and portfolios are on that Laptop!
JOHN LEDFORD:
I don't give a flying fuck how much work we're going to lose! We can't perform our jobs if the US Government has us killed! Oh the Humanity! What has Starbucks done to us! What has Starbucks done! I can't tell if I'm about to throw up from trauma or shit myself at the same time! I can feel my entire body losing control and I'm shitting myself in total fear!
I don't give a flying fuck how much work we're going to lose! We can't perform our jobs if the US Government has us killed! Oh the Humanity! What has Starbucks done to us! What has Starbucks done! I can't tell if I'm about to throw up from trauma or shit myself at the same time! I can feel my entire body losing control and I'm shitting myself in total fear!
CUT TO:
EXT STARBUCKS SOUTH AUSTIN
CUT TO:
INT STARBUCKS SOUTH AUSTIN LOBBY
KEVIN NEECE:
I'm sure that John Ledford is currently shitting in total fear right now... but at the same time... what could be happening in my imagination couldn't possibly match up to the satisfaction of real life. But that's life I suppose. It's not like we can put hidden cameras in the rooms to monitor what's happening on the other side of the emails.
I'm sure that John Ledford is currently shitting in total fear right now... but at the same time... what could be happening in my imagination couldn't possibly match up to the satisfaction of real life. But that's life I suppose. It's not like we can put hidden cameras in the rooms to monitor what's happening on the other side of the emails.
RYUK THE SHINIGAMI:
You're not thinking interdimensionally Kevin... just think of all of the fun we could be having right now when this begins to reach its climax and it's being reported all over the news. Who do you want to Anthony Weiner Bomb next?
You're not thinking interdimensionally Kevin... just think of all of the fun we could be having right now when this begins to reach its climax and it's being reported all over the news. Who do you want to Anthony Weiner Bomb next?
KEVIN NEECE:
Well... technical my alter ego and arch nemesis Vivienne Medrano is still alive after the Spindlehorse Animation Death Note Attack... I wonder what she's doing right now.
Well... technical my alter ego and arch nemesis Vivienne Medrano is still alive after the Spindlehorse Animation Death Note Attack... I wonder what she's doing right now.
SEPHERANZ THE SPIDER QUEEN:
It sounds like Vivienne Medrano is about to get a Lifetime Membership for Free Starbucks. Everybody loves Free Starbucks. And everybody loves Dead Pedophiles.
It sounds like Vivienne Medrano is about to get a Lifetime Membership for Free Starbucks. Everybody loves Free Starbucks. And everybody loves Dead Pedophiles.
CUT TO:
EXT RANDOM AUSTIN TEXAS LOCATION
CHARLIE MORNINGSTAR:
So basically, what you're trying to tell us, is that after being stranded in the middle of Bumblefuck Nowhere for that entire last adventure, we were really located in Georgetown Texas the entire time.
So basically, what you're trying to tell us, is that after being stranded in the middle of Bumblefuck Nowhere for that entire last adventure, we were really located in Georgetown Texas the entire time.
VIVIENNE MEDRANO:
Yes Charlie. Georgetown Texas would look like Bumblefuck Nowhere to a couple of Demons who had never been to earth before. Georgetown Texas is literally a fifteen minute Uber Drive away from South Austin Texas where Kevin Neece lives. That's what I was trying to tell you. You and Vaggie were ready to call in the towel and commit ritualistic suicide when your objective location was only fifteen minutes away.
Yes Charlie. Georgetown Texas would look like Bumblefuck Nowhere to a couple of Demons who had never been to earth before. Georgetown Texas is literally a fifteen minute Uber Drive away from South Austin Texas where Kevin Neece lives. That's what I was trying to tell you. You and Vaggie were ready to call in the towel and commit ritualistic suicide when your objective location was only fifteen minutes away.
VAGGIE:
So that's it. We're just fifteen minutes away from Kevin Neece's house. Are we a hundred percent certain that Kevin Neece is even home right now? How do we know that he's not in hiding from the police and performing the Death Note Attacks from a Local Wifi Hotspot Location?
So that's it. We're just fifteen minutes away from Kevin Neece's house. Are we a hundred percent certain that Kevin Neece is even home right now? How do we know that he's not in hiding from the police and performing the Death Note Attacks from a Local Wifi Hotspot Location?
VIVIENNE MEDRANO:
Just a minute... somebody from Starbucks keeps sending messages to my iphone... that's weird... it appears that I've just won a Lifetime Membership for Free Starbucks... and it's an actual company email address that's located in South Austin where Kevin Neece lives.
Just a minute... somebody from Starbucks keeps sending messages to my iphone... that's weird... it appears that I've just won a Lifetime Membership for Free Starbucks... and it's an actual company email address that's located in South Austin where Kevin Neece lives.
CHARLIE MORNINGSTAR:
I've got a really bad feeling about this. Even if that Starbucks Coupon isn't spam, I can sense a hell of a lot of Demonic Energy emanating from your iphone.
I've got a really bad feeling about this. Even if that Starbucks Coupon isn't spam, I can sense a hell of a lot of Demonic Energy emanating from your iphone.
VAGGIE:
I know... I can sense the Demonic Energy too. Who in their right goddamn minds would Demonic Curse a Starbucks Coupon Email and send it to Vivienne Medrano's private number?
I know... I can sense the Demonic Energy too. Who in their right goddamn minds would Demonic Curse a Starbucks Coupon Email and send it to Vivienne Medrano's private number?
VIVIENNE MEDRANO:
Oh I know exactly who the number one prime suspect would be. Just a second. Holy Fucking Shit! What the fuck am I looking at!
Oh I know exactly who the number one prime suspect would be. Just a second. Holy Fucking Shit! What the fuck am I looking at!
CHARLIE MORNINGSTAR:
We tried to warn you!
We tried to warn you!
VIVIENNE MEDRANO:
No really! I feel like I've just seen something that I'll never be able to unsee ever again! I've just overcome the worst fucking day of my life and now Starbucks has found a way to lower the bar utilizing new and inventive methods that my tiny feeble minds cannot even begin to comprehend! I can't even bring myself to describe the living nightmare that has invaded my iphone, invaded my dreams, and invaded my entire way of life! Avert your eyes Charlie! Avert your eyes Vaggie! Look away before this Unholy Demon gets to you too!
No really! I feel like I've just seen something that I'll never be able to unsee ever again! I've just overcome the worst fucking day of my life and now Starbucks has found a way to lower the bar utilizing new and inventive methods that my tiny feeble minds cannot even begin to comprehend! I can't even bring myself to describe the living nightmare that has invaded my iphone, invaded my dreams, and invaded my entire way of life! Avert your eyes Charlie! Avert your eyes Vaggie! Look away before this Unholy Demon gets to you too!
CHARLIE MORNINGSTAR:
Holy Fucking Shit! I've spent my entire life raised in the Pits of Hell! But never in my wildest nightmares have I ever encountered an Unholy Evil such as this! I can't tell if I'm about to throw up or if I'm shitting myself in total fear at the same time! Why would you show that to me Vivienne! What the fuck have we ever done to you to deserve an Unholy Curse like this!
Holy Fucking Shit! I've spent my entire life raised in the Pits of Hell! But never in my wildest nightmares have I ever encountered an Unholy Evil such as this! I can't tell if I'm about to throw up or if I'm shitting myself in total fear at the same time! Why would you show that to me Vivienne! What the fuck have we ever done to you to deserve an Unholy Curse like this!
VAGGIE:
We have to destroy the Iphone Charlie! We have to destroy it while there is still time! If we ever tell another living soul what we've just witnessed! Our suicides could be reported all over the news!
We have to destroy the Iphone Charlie! We have to destroy it while there is still time! If we ever tell another living soul what we've just witnessed! Our suicides could be reported all over the news!
VIVIENNE MEDRANO:
I can't even begin to describe the atrocities on display throughout this entire email! I mean, if it was merely illegal porn, then I could have simply deleted it and erased it from my mind! But not this! I can never forget this! Oh the Humanity! Oh the Human Torture! I feel like I'm going to break down crying until there are no more human tears left in my system!
I can't even begin to describe the atrocities on display throughout this entire email! I mean, if it was merely illegal porn, then I could have simply deleted it and erased it from my mind! But not this! I can never forget this! Oh the Humanity! Oh the Human Torture! I feel like I'm going to break down crying until there are no more human tears left in my system!
CHARLIE MORNINGSTAR:
Okay... now let's be rational about this. What the fucking hell did we just see? What the fucking hell have all of us just been exposed to? And why the fucking hell did it just come from a Local Starbucks in South Austin?
Okay... now let's be rational about this. What the fucking hell did we just see? What the fucking hell have all of us just been exposed to? And why the fucking hell did it just come from a Local Starbucks in South Austin?
VAGGIE:
I don't fucking know, and I don't fucking want to know! If Kevin Neece is behind these emails, it may be too late to save his human soul!
I don't fucking know, and I don't fucking want to know! If Kevin Neece is behind these emails, it may be too late to save his human soul!
VIVIENNE MEDRANO:
It appears to be Karyna Shuliak... and Jeffrey Epstein is anally violating her while she's performing dental work on some poor unsuspecting child who wasn't even passed out from the anesthetic gas. And while this is happening, there's a man looking over them who is dressed up like Jesus Christ, and I could just swear that he looks exactly like Jacob Rothschild wearing a long wig. He's standing in the room photo bombing them with a Monster Fleshlight designed by H.R. Giger from the Aliens Franchise. How could the FBI allow such a horrible thing to continue right under the noses of the American Public! Oh the Humanity! Oh what a world what a world! Somebody get it away from me before it tortures my human psyche beyond repair!
It appears to be Karyna Shuliak... and Jeffrey Epstein is anally violating her while she's performing dental work on some poor unsuspecting child who wasn't even passed out from the anesthetic gas. And while this is happening, there's a man looking over them who is dressed up like Jesus Christ, and I could just swear that he looks exactly like Jacob Rothschild wearing a long wig. He's standing in the room photo bombing them with a Monster Fleshlight designed by H.R. Giger from the Aliens Franchise. How could the FBI allow such a horrible thing to continue right under the noses of the American Public! Oh the Humanity! Oh what a world what a world! Somebody get it away from me before it tortures my human psyche beyond repair!
CHARLIE MORNINGSTAR:
I used to believe in forgiveness! I used to believe that every sinner could change their ways! But not this! Not after this! Some people truly do deserve to go to Hell! Some people must be tortured for the rest of their Afterlives! It's enough to make me want to put the entire Hazbin Hotel franchise out of business just to prevent these monsters from escaping to Heaven! Oh the Humanity! Save me Jesus, please save us all! Where did these Unholy Images originate from! How could any of this be available to the General Public after the Massive Coverup performed by the FBI on the Epstein Files! What kind of sick degenerate fuck could do such a thing under the disguise of Free Starbucks Coupons!
I used to believe in forgiveness! I used to believe that every sinner could change their ways! But not this! Not after this! Some people truly do deserve to go to Hell! Some people must be tortured for the rest of their Afterlives! It's enough to make me want to put the entire Hazbin Hotel franchise out of business just to prevent these monsters from escaping to Heaven! Oh the Humanity! Save me Jesus, please save us all! Where did these Unholy Images originate from! How could any of this be available to the General Public after the Massive Coverup performed by the FBI on the Epstein Files! What kind of sick degenerate fuck could do such a thing under the disguise of Free Starbucks Coupons!
CUT TO:
EXT STARBUCKS SOUTH AUSTIN
CUT TO:
INT STARBUCKS SOUTH AUSTIN LOBBY
KEVIN NEECE:
The kind of sick degenerate fuck who's been reporting the Ah My Goddess Murders to the Entire US Government for the Past Nine Years while everyone refused to respond to his emails because they were hiding behind their lawyers and standing on the fifth amendment like they were all guilty of a crime. Vivienne Medrano... you've just been served a Lifetime Supply of Free Starbucks. Game set and match.
The kind of sick degenerate fuck who's been reporting the Ah My Goddess Murders to the Entire US Government for the Past Nine Years while everyone refused to respond to his emails because they were hiding behind their lawyers and standing on the fifth amendment like they were all guilty of a crime. Vivienne Medrano... you've just been served a Lifetime Supply of Free Starbucks. Game set and match.
SEPHERANZ THE SPIDER QUEEN:
I've been meaning to ask... whatever happened to Lloyd Kaufman from TROMA films after the Marller Gang payed him a visit with Jeffrey Epstein and he suffered that Massive Heart Attack that put him in the hospital? I mean, did Lloyd Kaufman ever recover from that Heart Attack? I wonder what's been going through Lloyd Kaufman's Mind after the Death Note War was reported all over the news.
I've been meaning to ask... whatever happened to Lloyd Kaufman from TROMA films after the Marller Gang payed him a visit with Jeffrey Epstein and he suffered that Massive Heart Attack that put him in the hospital? I mean, did Lloyd Kaufman ever recover from that Heart Attack? I wonder what's been going through Lloyd Kaufman's Mind after the Death Note War was reported all over the news.
RYUK THE SHINIGAMI:
As your personal attorney and honorary angel of death, I can proudly report that Lloyd Kaufman is still alive and completely pulled through. If Lloyd Kaufman had actually died from that Heart Attack, then it would have gone through our records at the Goddess Hotline Office and I would have known about it.
As your personal attorney and honorary angel of death, I can proudly report that Lloyd Kaufman is still alive and completely pulled through. If Lloyd Kaufman had actually died from that Heart Attack, then it would have gone through our records at the Goddess Hotline Office and I would have known about it.
KEVIN NEECE:
Gee... I'm actually starting to feel really guilty about putting Lloyd Kaufman in an AI Deepfake movie after he specifically banned all Generative AI at Tromadance. I mean, it was just a practical joke. He said that TROMA was going to hunt us down and attack our pets, so instead of submitting The Return of Jeffrey Epstein to Tromadance, I AI Deepfaked Lloyd Kaufman in the movie and sent it to the entire United States Congress and United Nations instead. I mean, can't a guy take a joke?
Gee... I'm actually starting to feel really guilty about putting Lloyd Kaufman in an AI Deepfake movie after he specifically banned all Generative AI at Tromadance. I mean, it was just a practical joke. He said that TROMA was going to hunt us down and attack our pets, so instead of submitting The Return of Jeffrey Epstein to Tromadance, I AI Deepfaked Lloyd Kaufman in the movie and sent it to the entire United States Congress and United Nations instead. I mean, can't a guy take a joke?
SEPHERANZ THE SPIDER QUEEN:
Oh don't worry. Because I just sent Lloyd Kaufman the punchline.
Oh don't worry. Because I just sent Lloyd Kaufman the punchline.
KEVIN NEECE:
You wouldn't dare... No... Not after Lloyd Kaufman just recovered from a Life Threatening Heart Attack.
You wouldn't dare... No... Not after Lloyd Kaufman just recovered from a Life Threatening Heart Attack.
SEPHERANZ THE SPIDER QUEEN:
Relax... we're just keeping TROMA films on their toes.
Relax... we're just keeping TROMA films on their toes.
CUT TO:
EXT LONG ISLAND CITY HEART HOSPITAL
CUT TO:
INT LONG ISLAND CITY HEART HOSPITAL LOBBY
MACON BLAIR:
Well Uncle Lloyd, everyone at TROMA films is happy to see that you've finally recovered. And we even bought you a nice bouquet of Fresh Flowers. It's a miracle that you somehow pulled through and managed to survive the Death Note War.
Well Uncle Lloyd, everyone at TROMA films is happy to see that you've finally recovered. And we even bought you a nice bouquet of Fresh Flowers. It's a miracle that you somehow pulled through and managed to survive the Death Note War.
LLOYD KAUFMAN:
Thank Fucking Christ that I was never featured on the Flight Logs for Little Saint James Epstein Island. I've got grandchildren to worry about, I wouldn't be caught dead associating with a fucking pedophilic creep like Jeffrey Epstein just to get my foot in the door to Hollywood. Do you see what's been happening to Hollywood with the Warner Brothers Skydance Merger lately? The Hollywood Film Industry is finally on its last legs, and even Sean Astin and SAG AFTRA don't have the ability to save it. Fucking Tom Cruise couldn't even save Hollywood with that Digger piece of Dogshit that they're trying to pass off as a Modern Day Cult Audience film. Digger isn't a Midnight Movie. Digger is a Box Office Bomb for a Reason. That movie is fucking terrible on every single level. Who the fuck wants to pay a 64 Year Old Tom Cruise to pretend to be a 65 Year Old Man under Heavy Prosthetic Make Up. All Tom Cruise had to do was to stop dying his fucking hair to play that role. What the fuck people. I feel like I'm taking Gaslight Pills or something.
Thank Fucking Christ that I was never featured on the Flight Logs for Little Saint James Epstein Island. I've got grandchildren to worry about, I wouldn't be caught dead associating with a fucking pedophilic creep like Jeffrey Epstein just to get my foot in the door to Hollywood. Do you see what's been happening to Hollywood with the Warner Brothers Skydance Merger lately? The Hollywood Film Industry is finally on its last legs, and even Sean Astin and SAG AFTRA don't have the ability to save it. Fucking Tom Cruise couldn't even save Hollywood with that Digger piece of Dogshit that they're trying to pass off as a Modern Day Cult Audience film. Digger isn't a Midnight Movie. Digger is a Box Office Bomb for a Reason. That movie is fucking terrible on every single level. Who the fuck wants to pay a 64 Year Old Tom Cruise to pretend to be a 65 Year Old Man under Heavy Prosthetic Make Up. All Tom Cruise had to do was to stop dying his fucking hair to play that role. What the fuck people. I feel like I'm taking Gaslight Pills or something.
MACON BLAIR:
Hey check it out Uncle Lloyd. I just got a Lifetime Membership for Free Starbucks... and it's not SPAM, it's an actual company email from South Austin Texas.
Hey check it out Uncle Lloyd. I just got a Lifetime Membership for Free Starbucks... and it's not SPAM, it's an actual company email from South Austin Texas.
LLOYD KAUFMAN:
It must be our lucky day... apparently I got the same Starbucks Coupon too. Do you think that somebody working at Starbucks South Austin is a TROMA fan?
It must be our lucky day... apparently I got the same Starbucks Coupon too. Do you think that somebody working at Starbucks South Austin is a TROMA fan?
MACON BLAIR:
Oh Shit! Oh Fuck! Uncle Lloyd! You might not want to open that email!
Oh Shit! Oh Fuck! Uncle Lloyd! You might not want to open that email!
LLOYD KAUFMAN:
What's wrong?
What's wrong?
MACON BLAIR:
Uncle Lloyd, no, don't look at it! For the love of God don't look at it! The Doctor says you can't survive the strain of another Heart Attack!
Uncle Lloyd, no, don't look at it! For the love of God don't look at it! The Doctor says you can't survive the strain of another Heart Attack!
LLOYD KAUFMAN:
Too late. I looked at it.
Too late. I looked at it.
MACON BLAIR:
I'm silently freaking out man! I feel like I'm beginning to lose my fucking mind after what I've just witnessed! Oh the Humanity! Oh what a world! If we ever tell another living soul what we've just witnessed in those Starbucks Coupons, we could both be reported dead on the News as a couple of Suicides! I need to forget this, but I can never forget, how could anybody ever bring themselves to forget!
I'm silently freaking out man! I feel like I'm beginning to lose my fucking mind after what I've just witnessed! Oh the Humanity! Oh what a world! If we ever tell another living soul what we've just witnessed in those Starbucks Coupons, we could both be reported dead on the News as a couple of Suicides! I need to forget this, but I can never forget, how could anybody ever bring themselves to forget!
LLOYD KAUFMAN:
Macon... I'm the distributor of Bloodsucking Freaks. My soul was damned to hell as far back as the late 1970s. Whatever the fuck is staring us in the face in these Starbucks Coupons... it's just another fucking Tuesday at TROMA.
Macon... I'm the distributor of Bloodsucking Freaks. My soul was damned to hell as far back as the late 1970s. Whatever the fuck is staring us in the face in these Starbucks Coupons... it's just another fucking Tuesday at TROMA.
MACON BLAIR:
So you're going to pull through? You're going to be okay?
So you're going to pull through? You're going to be okay?
LLOYD KAUFMAN:
Oh sure... I'm pretty happy and serene... wait a second... double back there...
(BEAT)
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DID I JUST LOOK AT! I'M SO SORRY MACON! I'M SO SORRY! THE UNHOLY DEMONIC FORCES THAT ARE HAUNTING THOSE STARBUCKS COUPON ARE SO DEVASTATINGLY SHOCKING, THAT IT MUST HAVE PUT ME INTO A STATE OF SHOCK AND DESENSITIZED ME TO THE ULTIMATE CRIMES OF HUMANITY! THESE PEOPLE CANNOT BE HUMAN BEINGS, BECAUSE WHAT'S FEATURED IN THOSE STARBUCKS COUPONS COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE HUMAN! OH THE HUMANITY! OH WHAT A WORLD! I CAN FEEL THE CHEST PAINS COMING ON AGAIN! THE SUICIDE BOMBERS AREN'T GOING TO GET ME TWICE BECAUSE I'M ALREADY RACKING UP THE FINAL NUMBER FOR THE FINAL CURTAIN CALL AS WE SPEAK! WHY GOD WHY! WHY GOD WHY!
Oh sure... I'm pretty happy and serene... wait a second... double back there...
(BEAT)
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DID I JUST LOOK AT! I'M SO SORRY MACON! I'M SO SORRY! THE UNHOLY DEMONIC FORCES THAT ARE HAUNTING THOSE STARBUCKS COUPON ARE SO DEVASTATINGLY SHOCKING, THAT IT MUST HAVE PUT ME INTO A STATE OF SHOCK AND DESENSITIZED ME TO THE ULTIMATE CRIMES OF HUMANITY! THESE PEOPLE CANNOT BE HUMAN BEINGS, BECAUSE WHAT'S FEATURED IN THOSE STARBUCKS COUPONS COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE HUMAN! OH THE HUMANITY! OH WHAT A WORLD! I CAN FEEL THE CHEST PAINS COMING ON AGAIN! THE SUICIDE BOMBERS AREN'T GOING TO GET ME TWICE BECAUSE I'M ALREADY RACKING UP THE FINAL NUMBER FOR THE FINAL CURTAIN CALL AS WE SPEAK! WHY GOD WHY! WHY GOD WHY!
MACON BLAIR:
THIS COULD BE THE END OF TROMA FILMS AS WE KNOW IT! THIS COULD REALLY BE THE END! IT'S THE END!
THIS COULD BE THE END OF TROMA FILMS AS WE KNOW IT! THIS COULD REALLY BE THE END! IT'S THE END!
LLOYD KAUFMAN:
I can't even begin to describe it! It's as if the Entire Rothschild Family and an entire dinner table of kidnapped children wearing Mickey Mouse Club Hats were eating the full slow roasted body of a Human Being that is being simultaneously carved up by a naked Jeffrey Epstein, while he is anally violating it and loading it up with his juices. You can literally see the money shots because the cum is dripping out of every single orifice and the body is already dead! What the fucking hell is wrong with everybody! How could the FBI sit back and do nothing about this!
I can't even begin to describe it! It's as if the Entire Rothschild Family and an entire dinner table of kidnapped children wearing Mickey Mouse Club Hats were eating the full slow roasted body of a Human Being that is being simultaneously carved up by a naked Jeffrey Epstein, while he is anally violating it and loading it up with his juices. You can literally see the money shots because the cum is dripping out of every single orifice and the body is already dead! What the fucking hell is wrong with everybody! How could the FBI sit back and do nothing about this!
CUT TO:
EXT LONG ISLAND CITY HEART HOSPITAL
CUT TO:
EXT STARBUCKS SOUTH AUSTIN
CUT TO:
INT STARBUCKS SOUTH AUSTIN LOBBY
KEVIN NEECE:
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