John Candy is a Satanist? The Book of Rob Paulsen

Dear Rob Paulsen,

Your Resume recently caught my eye for this Paranormal Haunting Black Magick Occult game I've been playing called John Candy is a Satanist and I would like to clue you in on the proceedings so that you might see what I see.

Basically the game is this. I make Anime Fan Films based on the Ah My Goddess Anime Series, which is based on Three Norse Mythology Goddesses named Urd Verdandi and Skuld. The secret of the anime series, is much like a Bad Ouija Board Session or a Tales from the Crypt episode, the show is haunted because there is a Real Life Demon Goddess named Hekate who relates to the characters in the anime show. This Goddess haunted me when I made the cartoons, then she killed my father and I became obsessed with proving her existence to the Government. When I came forward to give my report to Congress via email, the Demons that haunted the anime show jumped me in the middle of the night and married me to the Goddess as a Human Host to teach everyone why the plot of Ah My Goddess simply doesn't work in real life and what would happen if anybody were stupid enough to go out and do it for real. And that lesson is: The Goddess of Fate is also the Goddess of Death responsible for all of the weird Celebrity Deaths you see in the News surrounded by Irony and Coincidence. And because she comes from Greek Mythology, she knows how to influence Screenwriters and Producers like an Artistic Muse.

So I asked this Goddess about the Hollywood Illuminati and if it was real and she revealed to me that the Secret of the Illuminati is not only is it not real, it's entirely a Practical Joke that she's been playing on Hollywood since the 1970s as an Artistic Muse to mess with the Conspiracy Theorists Heads and trick them into believing Hollywood is under the thumb of a Satanist Cult. Basically, this Goddess targets people in the film industry and manipulates their film productions so that everybody they work with can be traced back to Satanist, Witchcraft, Demonology, and Mythology films like the Kevin Bacon game. And it all traces back to the Actors from Saturday Night Live and anybody who worked on film productions for Dark Horse Comics (like Jim Carrey, Cameron Diaz, Bruce Campbell, Ron Perlman, Ben Stiller, Ryan Reynolds, Kosuke Fujishima etc). It's because Dark Horse Comics are the American Publishers of Oh My Goddess Manga. The earliest victim is John Candy because he was born on Halloween. If you switch out John Candy with Satan during his 1980s and 1990s films the creative choices surrounding the movie disturbingly make more sense. I've written countless articles explaining this so I don't need to repeat it here.

So now for tonight's John Candy is a Satanist Exercise, we come to your Resume Rob Paulsen. Why does it look like you may have been targeted by Hekate's Illuminati Joke Patterns.

It's because you worked on The Mask the Animated Series for Dark Horse Comics and then you worked on Animaniacs for Steven Spielberg. Steven Spielberg is Illuminati because of his work on the haunted movies Poltergeist and Twilight Zone, and his curse extends to all of his animated productions including the Voice Actors for Dreamworks Films. There are Three Fates on Oh My Goddess. Hekate is a Triple Goddess. And there are Three Warners on Animaniacs representing Three Fates Urd Verdandi and Skuld. Ron Perlman played Satan on Animaniacs and he was The Devil in Hellboy for Dark Horse Comics. The Warners live on the Warner Brothers lot and Warner Brothers produced the Haunted Twilight Zone the Movie where Three People died representing Three Fates. Three People died on Poltergeist representing Three Fates. You see the Pattern here?

Here's another one. On the DVD Cover of Clueless are Three Actresses representing Three Fates. Stacey Dash is Urd from Ah My Goddess, Alicia Silverstone is Belldandy, and Brittaney Murphy is Skuld the Death Goddess, then Brittaney Murphy died in Real Life. Why was Clueless cursed by Hekate? It was directed by Amy Heckerling who made Fast Times at Ridgemont High with Jennifer Jason Leigh, who is the daughter of Vic Morrow, who died on Twilight Zone the Movie produced by Steven Spielberg.

You see how addicting and amusing Hekate's Illuminati Game is.

Okay here is another one. Hekate is a Death Goddess but Death is not without her sense of Humor. Your name is Robert Paulsen. In the movie Fight Club, Meat Loaf plays a man named Robert Paulsen who dies in the movie and becomes a chant "His name is Robert Paulsen!" and Brad Pitt played The Angel of Death in Meet Joe Black. Helen Bonham Carter was in Sweeney Todd with Johnny Depp who was one of the Three Fates in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus where Tom Waits played The Devil. Tom Waits was in Mystery Men by Dark Horse Comics with Ben Stiller who was in the Three Fates film Keeping the Faith with Edward Norton from Fight Club. Ben Stiller was in Highway to Hell written by Brian Helgeland who directed A Knights Tale with Heath Ledger who DIED in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus with The Devil Tom Waits. You see how all of these films and deaths are connected?

This is the current fan film I'm making about Steven Spielberg time traveling back to the 1982 set of Twilight Zone The Movie to save Vic Morrow. I'm still working on the Voice Tracks. I explain the Hekate Curse in Detail in the movie over and over again. The film was made in a desperate attempt to get Steven Spielberg's attention at Amblin. 

Ah My Goddess: Bad Goddess (DUB) Let's Save Vic Morrow (Work in Progress 8/10/23) - FilmFreeway

So anyways, just for fun. We're going to play John Candy is a Satanist with Rob Paulsen's IMDb resume to see if there are anymore Illuminati Titles hiding in the list.

Rob Paulsen was in the Ducktales remake with David Tennant who was a Demon in Good Omens, and he was in an episode of Doctor Who called The Satan Pit. If you look at the DVD cover of Fright Night, there are Three Fates lording above Anton Yelchin who is the Odd Man who and later DIED in Real Life, the DVD Cover with the Three Fates was a Death Foreshadow and David Tennant was one of the Fates in it. Colin Farrell was another one and he was also one of the Three Fates in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus with The Devil Tom Waits.

Rob Paulsen was in Spongebob Sponge Out of Water with Antonio Banderas from Shrek Two with John Cleese who played The Grim Reaper in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life with the DEAD Graham Chapman. Cameron Diaz was also in the Three Fates movie Charlie's Angels with The Devil Tim Curry from Legend.

Rob Paulsen was in Spongebob Sponge Out of Water with Eddie Deezen who was in The Polar Express directed by Robert Zemeckis who Produced Tales from the Crypt Demon Knight with The Devil Billy Zane. Charles Fleischer from Who Framed Roger Rabbit was also in Demon Knight. Eddie Deezen was in Grease with Stockard Channing from the Salem Witchcraft film Practical Magic. Eddie Deezen was in War Games with Matthew Broderick who is married to Sarah Jessica Parker from Hocus Pocus with The Devil Gary Marshall.

Rob Paulsen was in The Boondocks with John Witherspoon from Little Nicky with The Devil Harvey Keitel.

Rob Paulsen was in Hellboy Blood and Iron. Enough Said.

Rob Paulsen was in Evil Dead A Fistful of Boomstick. Bruce Campbell was one of my Illuminati Chapters. Bruce was targeted by Hekate because he was born on June 22 which is a witchcraft holiday called Summer Solstice. Bruce was obsessed with making movies like The Three Stooges aka Three Fates. There are Three Producers on Evil Dead aka Three Fates. On the original VHS artwork of Evil Dead there is a Model named Bridget Hoffman who was the voice of Belldandy in Ah My Goddess: The Movie, another warning sign of Hekate's Haunting. Hekate is a Greek Goddess Muse haunting Dark Horse Comics and Sam Raimi mysteriously didn't get hit with the idea to make the Greek Mythology show Hercules The Legendary Journeys until he made Time Cop for Dark Horse Comics.

Rob Paulsen was in Jackie Chan Adventures. Jackie Chan was in Shanghai Noon with Owen Wilson from The Haunting, Xander Berkeley from Candyman, and Lucy Liu from The Three Fates Charlie's Angels with The Devil Tim Curry. Jackie Chan was also in Rush Hour 3 aka Three Fates with Roman Polanski who directed the Demon movie Rosemary's Baby and then followed it up with Chinatown with The Devil Jack Nicholson from The Witches of Eastwick aka Three Fates directed by George Miller from Twilight Zone The Movie.

Rob Paulsen did voices in Cinderella 2 and 3. All of the Live Action Cinderella films are Illuminati Cast Movies including Drew Barrymore's Ever After A Cinderella Story which led to her being in the Three Fates film Charlie's Angels with The Devil Tim Curry. How did Drew Barrymore get targeted by Hekate. It's because ET The Extra Terrestrial is a Halloween Movie directed by Illuminati Director Steven Spielberg from Twilight Zone the Movie and Poltergeist.

The Reason Why Cinderella is cursed is fascinating. It's a Satan Allegory film. The Fairy Godmother is a Witch. The Pumpkin Carriage for 24 hours represents Halloween Night. The insinuation is the Pumpkin Carriage transported Cinderella to a Royal Ball in Hell where Prince Satan (There are Seven Princes of Hell), tempts Cinderella with a Rich Lifestyle. In the ending of the story, outside of the Evil Stepsister cutting off her toe so she can fit in the shoe, Cinderella is locked in a room, and only a Key to set her free. In the Disney movie, the Key is the exact same design as the Sacrificial Offering Keys for Hekate who transports people into the Spirit Realm. The Implication is that the Hekate Key freed Cinderella to be with her Prince Satan in Hell, but ask yourselves this, did Cinderella really escape the room, or does the Allegory imply that she commit suicide to cross over into the Spirit Realm to be with her Prince? You see, Disney thought they cleaned up the story and made it safe for kids, but Walt Disney didn't understand the Satan Allegory so no matter what he did to the story, the Allegory still made the transition into the Original Disney Animated Movie.

Rob Paulsen was in Elvira's Haunted Hills with Richard O'Brien from Rocky Horror with The Devil Tim Curry from Legend and Susan Sarandon from the Three Fates film The Witches of Eastwick with The Devil Jack Nicholson.

Rob Paulsen was in The Crow Stairway to Heaven Television series. Kevin Neece wrote an entire article about The Curse of Brandon Lee's The Crow showcasing how Hekate's Patterns are all over the movie. It's on Google Blogger.

Rob Paulsen was in the Video Game Lost Vikings 2. Belldandy Urd and Skuld from Oh My Goddess are from Norse Mythology.

Rob Paulsen was in The Blues Brothers Animated Series. That's a connection to both John Landis and Dan Aykroyd from Twilight Zone The Movie.

Rob Paulsen was in Bruno the Kid with Bruce Willis from the Demonology film The Sixth Sense. Don't laugh, I used to watch that show on Television as a Child.

Rob Paulsen was in Freakazoid produced by Steven Spielberg from Twilight Zone The Movie and Poltergeist. Take note that Freakazoid suspiciously looks like a Demon from another Animated Series called Death Note. His name is Ryuk the Shinigami.

Rob Paulsen was in Ace Ventura Animated Series as The Mask. Jim Carrey was haunted by Hekate because of his affiliation with Dark Horse Comics but there were other warnings signs such as Once Bitten being a Halloween movie and Earth Girls are Easy is a Three Fates movie and Jim Carrey played Death in High Strung. Jim Carrey was also in a Satan Music Video in The Dead Pool. Jim Carrey has his own chapter and it's the longest one. There's a reason why Jim Carrey made The Number 23. He was being gaslighted by Hekate in real life so he made a movie about it and put a Numerology Documentary on the DVD to explain it. If you watch all of Jim Carrey's movies and add up the numbers that appear in the background, most of them support Jim Carrey's claims that he was being haunted by the number 23.

Rob Paulsen was in A Goofy Movie with Pauly Shore from Encino Man with Brendan Fraser from Bedazzled with The Devil Elizabeth Hurley. A Goofy Movie also had Wallace Shawn from the Cursed Three Fates movie Clueless where Brittaney Murphy DIED and the Cursed Three Fates movie The Princess Bride where Andre the Giant DIED. The Director of A Goofy Movie Kevin Lima also made Enchanted with Susan Sarandon from The Witches of Eastwick. Timothy Spall was in Sweeney Todd with Alan Rickman from DOGMA who died of Cancer. He was The Metatron unaware that the Real Life Metatron is a Demon and it foreshadowed his Death along with George Carlin.

Rob Paulsen was in Jetsons The Movie. Don't Laugh. I saw it in the Theater as a Kid and I have it on DVD. The movie features Mel Blanc. There's an interesting story behind Mel Blanc. When he was originally trying to get a gig on Looney Tunes at Warner Brothers, the casting director kept rejecting him. Then suddenly the director died and the next one who replaced him hired Mel Blanc on the spot leading to his career as Bugs Bunny. Now here is what is suspicious about that. In Oh My Goddess, Skuld the Death Goddess is a Child and she's a Goddess of the Future. It's as if Skuld the Child Goddess looked into Mel Blanc's Future, saw Bugs Bunny cartoons, and then used her powers over Death to murder the casting director so that Mel Blanc would get the job.

The same thing happened to George Miller from Twilight Zone The Movie. George Miller made Three Mad Max films representing Three Fates. In the third movie representing Skuld the Death Goddess called Beyond Thunderdome, his producing partner died in a Helicopter Accident just like Vic Morrow and the Two Children from Twilight Zone. George Miller quit Action Movies and made The Witches of Eastwick with The Devil and Three Fates. Then he made kids movies like Babe Pig in the City and Happy Feet which would have appealed to Skuld. Then when George Miller came back, he made Mad Max Fury Road and it was about Goddesses and Norse Mythology, all of the War Boys believed they were going to Valhalla. And then he followed it up with Three Thousand Days of Longing which is about a Djinn falling in love with a Mortal, which is the plot of Oh My Goddess. It looks like George Miller's entire career was manipulated by those Goddesses. And he produced Dead Calm where Sam Neill was The Anti-Christ in The Omen III, Nicole Kidman was from Practical Magic, and Billy Zane was The Devil from Tales from the Crypt Demon Knight.

Rob Paulsen was in Warlock with the Recently Deceased Julian Sands. Yup, that explains how you got inducted into the Illuminati without your Knowledge right there. It's about the Devil.

Rob Paulsen was in the Original Ducktales. Huey Dewey and Louie are The Three Fates. Scrooge is from A Christmas Carol where the Ghosts of Past Present and Future are based on Urd Belldandy and Skuld from Oh My Goddess. The Witch Magicka DeSpell conjurs Demons to send them after Scrooge. Donald Duck gets possessed by an Egyptian Ghost. And then they time travel back to Ancient Greece and Hekate is a Greek Goddess. The Beagle Boy are Dogs and Hekate is a Dog Lover.

Rob Paulsen was in Mel Brooks Spaceballs with The Devil John Candy. And Rick Moranis from the Three Fates Devil Allegory film Little Shop of Horrors. You've got Daphne Zuniga from The Sure Thing directed by Rob Reiner who made The Three Fates film The Princess Bride and John Cusack from the Demonology film 1408, he got his own Illuminati chapter too. Bill Pullman was in the Voodoo Witchcraft film The Serpent and the Rainbow. And he was in Ruthless People directed by Jerry Zucker who made Ghost with Whoopi Goldberg who played Death in Monkeybone and then Ghost co-star Patrick Swayze died while Demi Moore starred in the Three Fates film Charlie's Angels Full Throttle. Ruthless People also had Danny DeVito who played The Devil in Little Demon, Bette Midler from the Salem Witchcraft film Hocus Pocus with The Devil Gary Marshall, and Judge Reinhold from Fast Times at Ridgemont High with Jennifer Jason Leigh, who is the daughter of Vic Morrow who died on Twilight Zone The Movie.

Rob Paulsen was in Brian DePalma's Body Double. Brian DePalma directed Scarface with Al Pacino who played The Devil in The Devil's Advocate.

Yes Rob Paulsen, you may have fooled all of the children in America, but you don't fool me. You are clearly a member of the Hollywood Illuminati. And now that I've got all of this off my chest well... Good Luck with That. Pleasant Nightmares Rob Paulsen, your Film Career in Children's Animated Television Shows is being manipulated by Demons from Hell. Mwa ha ha ha ha.

Ah My Goddess: Wacky Go Lucky 24 Page Script

AH MY GODDESS: WACKY GO LUCKY

Written by 

Kevin Neece

FADE IN:

EXT. JAPANESE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

CUT TO:

INT. JAPANESE RESTAURANT - TABLE

There's a mirror on the wall in the background of an otherwise near empty family owned restaurant. Kodansha Ltd CEO YOSHINOBU NOMA is sitting at a table, exhausted, bitter, depressed, slumped over his meal, with an empty can of Dr Pepper sitting next to his glass. He isn't eating. He's just staring at his food like he's daydreaming.

JOHN CLEESE:

Excuse me sir... but I couldn't help but notice... are you aware that you have no reflection?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

I'm sorry, did you just say "no reflection"?

JOHN CLEESE:

That mirror, on the wall over there. You're not casting a reflection.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Really? Are you sure that's not just the other side of the room?

JOHN CLEESE:

Quite positive. You see me waving over there. Hello! And there's your fork floating in mid-air. And then there's nothing. Nothing at all. It's like you're a ghost.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Are you sure that's not some kind of trick mirror?

JOHN CLEESE:

Do we look like the kind of establishment that can afford trick mirrors?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

So you're saying that I really have no reflection?

JOHN CLEESE:

Well, it does raise cause for concern. Might you be a Vampire sir?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Of course not... Why would I be a Vampire?

JOHN CLEESE:

It is very late in the evening sir, and the sun has gone down, and you, being here without a reflection, it just stands out to notice sir.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

So I work late nights at the office. So what of it? I'm not Count Orlock. I don't thirst for blood. I'm not a creature of the night.

JOHN CLEESE:

Does your lawyer do the work for you, sir?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Sometimes... no wait... I didn't say that.

JOHN CLEESE:

So you're a High Society Vampire. A Dracula of the Corporate World.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

I'm not ANY kind of Vampire! Look! I'm eating General Tso's Chicken. Mmm, see! I like General Tso's Chicken! Yummy!

JOHN CLEESE:

Might I retrieve you a cup of pig's blood to wash it down, sir?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

No no... I've got my Dr Pepper... and my General Tso's Chicken... I'm fine... honestly.

JOHN CLEESE:

But you still don't have a reflection.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Just what are you implying here?

JOHN CLEESE:

Well, today it's your reflection... by tomorrow you could be completely invisible.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Get out of here.

JOHN CLEESE:

Do you know of ANY Vampires that you might have come into contact with?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

The only bloodsucker creature of the night that we have working on our staff is that goddamn Mangaka who made Ah My Goddess and Toppu GP!

JOHN CLEESE:

I see... and this Japanese Mangaka... does he cast a reflection? Would you describe this man as Animal, Vegetable, or Mineral?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Pedophile.

JOHN CLEESE:

Ouch... that's not something you say in polite conversation.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Whoever said Kosuke-san made for polite conversation? Do you see him eating in Fancy Restaurants?

JOHN CLEESE:

You just insinuated that this man might be a Sexual Deviant.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Insinuate nothing! He is a Sexual Deviant! And I should know, we can smell our own! This man has clearly been masturbating to motorcycle magazines nonstop since he was a teenager and has shown no signs of stopping!  Can you imagine taking that Emergency Operator's Phone Call? Hello, Operator, we need a Patrol Car down to the Parking Garage at Kodansha Ltd. Some man just got his Penis stuck in a Motorcycle Gas Tank, we may need the Jaws of Life to free him! Over! Try keeping that out of the Japanese Trade Papers. Our Publicity Department must have the willpower of a Saint!

JOHN CLEESE:

Then the only conclusion that I can come to is that somebody may have cursed you.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Gee Willickers... I wonder who that could be...

JOHN CLEESE:

It sounds like you already know.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Please... just let me eat my General Tso's Chicken in Peace.

JOHN CLEESE:

Are you really not concerned about this anomaly?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Trust me. This is just another Tuesday at the Goddess Hotline Office.

JOHN CLEESE:

Good Lord... have you no self-respect for what might be happening to you?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

It's a reflection. I use it for practically nothing. It's like Peter Pan and his Shadow.

BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:

Excuse me! Hello! Are you aware that you have no reflection?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

So I've recently been informed.

BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:

Wow! I've always wanted to meet a Vampire!

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

I'm not a Vampire!

JOHN CLEESE:

Not yet anyways... it's possible that right now he's only Half Vampire... it's the Lawyers... hard to take credit for the fresh nightly kills when the Company Lawyers do all the work...

BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:

What if I take a Selfie? Will you still show up on camera? Are you the invisible man?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

I'm not invisible just yet... but I might as well be... this is the most attention I've gotten from the general public in years.

BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:

You know... my old college roommate Martha Vineyard! She once knew a Vampire named Jerry!

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

She did not!

BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:

She did!

JOHN CLEESE:

Oh, you dirty little titty twister! I see what you're trying to do here! You're just trying to jump on the bandwagon!

BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:

I never!

JOHN CLEESE:

You did! You just walked in on my discovery of the year and now you're trying to steal this man's spotlight! He's my Nosferatu Creature of the Night! I saw him first!

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Let's put this to a vote. All in favor of paying my check, say I!

BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:

Excuse me. I'm not paying your check.

JOHN CLEESE:

It's my restaurant. If you eat my General Tso's Chicken I'm afraid you are going to have to pay for it. Reflection or No Reflection. We do not give discounts for Vampirism.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

I'm a senior citizen.

JOHN CLEESE:

We don't cater to the elderly either.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

That's okay I've got Visa, Mastercard, American Express, Diner's Club.

JOHN CLEESE:

Buggerfucktwat! It just occurred to me! How are we going to prove this to anyone?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.

JOHN CLEESE:

That's just the point. We can't take a picture because you're invisible!

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

No, I just fail to cast a reflection. My grandchildren are going to fucking love being around me this Halloween. Huzzah!

CUT TO:

EXT. JAPANESE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

CUT TO:

EXT KODANSHA LTD BUILDING - DAY

CUT TO:

INT. YOSHINOBU NOMA'S OFFICE - DAY

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

You rang for me Sir? Have I done anything wrong?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Kosuke-san... I'd like to have a fine little chat with you today. It's about your ambitions in life. Now I know you've been enjoying your work with Toppu GP and the Wife and Kid and all. But if there is one thing I've learned over the years of my life, it's that retirement is the number one killer of old people. Take a look at me for example. I'm never going to retire. Never. Never ever. Whoever's waiting in line after me is going to have to wait until I'm dragged away from this office in a Body Bag... nonetheless... you dig what I'm saying here?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

I'm not quite sure if I'm following you at all.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Don't you believe it's time that you've gathered just a little more ambition in life, Kosuke-san?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

I worked on that Devil's Bargain Ah My Goddess series for Thirty Years, believe me, my ambitions are spent.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Have you ever seen the Walter Hill movie, Brewster's Millions? Where Richard Pryor's Grandfather forces him to spend $30 Million in Thirty Days without gaining any Physical Assets so that he can inherit $300 Million? The point of the Grandfather's Stunt in the movie was to teach Richard Pryor about the Ethics and Responsibility of handling large sums of money.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

You want me to spend $30 Million in Thirty Days?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

No, but the gesture is about the same. I want to re-instill you with ambition in life. I want to find the man who made Keiichi Morisato a household name, to save him from the depths of depravity and scandal. I believe it's about time that somebody pulled you out of semi-retirement to saddle you with a little more responsibility in life. Just as a Father hands down the role of Manhood to his Son.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

This is getting a little bit weird. Trust me. I'm honored, really I am, but I've got enough responsibility right now with the Wife and the Kid and Toppu GP and posting my 7-11 Meals on Twitter and my Model Motorcycles and such.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Gee Willickers Kosuke-san. I have a wife too you know, and it's never stopped me from arriving here at work on time every day to sign your paychecks.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Point taken... what exactly did you want me to do?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

I want you to start caring about your life again, and the world of events that's going on around you. I sense a man that's been hiding from a world that's beyond his control. What happened to this man? His first series out the gate was about Slice of Life Adventures of Police Women on You're Under Arrest, and those women had Responsibility. And then he got caught up in that Devil's Bargain Ah My Goddess series for Thirty Years, only the difference being that those Goddesses were Slackers who sat back and let Keiichi Morisato do all the work for them. Kind of a thematic change in ideals don't you think? And then this man, this legendary mangaka... well... he disappeared. And don't think that we didn't notice your lack of response when the Prime Minister of Japan Shinzo Abe was assassinated. Just who the Holy Hell are you anymore? Are you even a man Fujishima... or are you a Mouse like Ganchan?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Just what the hell are you expecting me to do? You want me to comment more on the Media? That's the Matrix dude? Social Media News is all just a form of Propaganda and Control, even in the Nation of Japan. It's like we're a bunch of horses and the News Stations are the ones putting the blinders on us so our gaze can be steered in the direction of what they want us to see. What possibly change could I possibly hope to give society? Just what the hell am I supposed to do, run for the Prime Minister of Japan?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

You're forgetting something Kosuke-san, being Prime Minister is the easiest job to apply for on Earth. Technically, the only qualifications that you need are the ability to hold a pen and put ink to paper. By Golly by George! It just hit me! Like a Bolt of Lightning! Kosuke-san! That's exactly what you've been doing for the past Thirty Years!

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Are you fucking serious? You actually want ME, of all godforsaken people to run for Government Office! I've just been scandalized as a Bigamist and a Pedophile! No Campaign Team within a Hundred Miles is going to support my ass!

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

And that's exactly the point that we want to make. You went into hiding after you were scandalized. Big Fucking Whoop. But do you know who else gets scandalized every single time he's on the news? Ex-President Donald Trump. Now I'm not a supporter of Donald Trump, not at all. But I have to give him just a little credit. As a man who pisses off the entire world on a day to day basis, he still steps up to the plate and wants to take one for the team. And look at him, it's as if he's untouchable. Every single investigation lobbied against him is all just for show. It's a charade I tell you. So here's my idea. Don't become Prime Minister.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Well thank my Goddesses and Lucky Stars we can agree on that.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Oh we're still going to back your campaign for Prime Minister, I'm telling you, you're going to run for Public Office... and you are going to do everything in your power to Throw the Election out the window.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

I'm sorry, could you repeat that?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Remember the Warren Beatty movie Bulworth? Have you ever seen an event in Political History where somebody went out and intentionally said "Fuck it". Throwing away his election chances to speak the Godforsaken Outspoken Truth?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

So... your plan isn't for me to actual perform the Job of Prime Minister of Japan.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

That's right... wait for it... wait for it...

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

You just want me to Campaign for Prime Minister of Japan... and do whatever the fuck I want... while the News Media puts my entire private life on display?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Let's put it this way. I want you to tell the general public what you REALLY think of them on Mass Media News... and then I want you to walk away. Just like Richard Pryor did on Brewster's Millions when he ran a Campaign for Mayor called "None of the Above."

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

I can say ANYTHING I want on the News?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Anything you want.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

And Kodansha Ltd is going to foot the Campaign Bills?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

That's right.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

What about a Campaign Banner that reads "Kosuke-san for Prime Minister! Sure he's a Pedo Bigamist, but at least he's not Donald Trump!"

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Now you're talking. We should totally print that one up.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

And to think... I can finally take my Nekomu Otogi out in public again.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

First Lady of the White House Melania Trump used to Nude Model for Porno Magazines. What does Nekomu Otogi have to lose?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Suddenly I'm beginning to see a world of possibilities. Wait a minute. What am I saying here? Let's suppose that something goes wrong during the Campaign. Let's suppose that there's a one in a million chance that I actually WIN The election.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

That'll never happen. All of the Elections are rigged.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

But what if it did? What if we won the Election?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

I'm saying it won't. Your chances are Astronomical.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

But what if it did?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Aren't you the guy who decided he wanted to do the least amount of work for the most amount of money like Marlon Brando on Richard Donner's Superman?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

That would most definitely be me.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Excellent. That's exactly what Shinzo Abe did. Nothing. A Great Big Nothing. That's why they took him out back and shot him.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Exactly. I don't want to be taken out back and shot like Shinzo Abe. I gave Thirty Years of my Life to those Goddesses. Leslie Nielson and Steve Martin didn't hit their Career Heights until they were in their Fifties. I've still got a life to live. Steven Martin's still playing the Banjo and making Hit Streaming Series with Martin Short. What's my excuse?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

And that is the very point of this Campaign. You've got a life to live. And it's time for you to put yourself out there on the Barbeque Grill in front of the General Public and start living it again. What would Officer Natsumi Tsujimoto do if she were in your place?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

She would get shitface plastered before showing up on the job and throw up in her work locker before passing out.

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Perfect. Let's do that.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

You want me to get shitface drunk before my Campaign Speeches? Really?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Really really.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Couldn't we just donate the Campaign Money to a noble cause like the Kyoto Animation Donation Funds?

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Kosuke-san. Let me tell you something about Elections. Every election is a Rat Race, that we all know. And you of all people should know about Races, you've dedicated your entire life to them. From a thematic standpoint, motorcycle races aren't really all that different than election races other than they bring up the question of which one is more dangerous. A motorcycle race gone wrong can end your life within a split second heartbeat, but an election race gone wrong can destroy your life for the rest of your life if you sit back and let it. That's the problem with racing. There's only one goddamn winner every fucking time. Why is that? Why are we so dead set as a Society in celebrating the Winners when every race has twenty different people who didn't win at all? If there can only be one winner, then does that insinuate that we are all a bunch of Losers? Why do these racers choose to race when they know there can only be one winner? Has it ever stopped them from trying when they repeatedly lose race after race after race? Some people can go their entire lives without ever winning a race, but that doesn't stop them from trying. Why is that? Is winning an election as important as the journey of twists and turns and life lessons that take you there? Because just like a motorcycle race, one wrong turn in an election can kill you. But that doesn't stop people from trying. And it doesn't stop people from living when things don't go according to plan. Because that's life. Nothing ever goes according to plan, it's just one fuck up after another designed to teach all of us a bunch of bullshit morality tales and life lessons that shape us into the sad shell of a human being that we all secretly know we turned out to be. You want to know the real reason why you stand no chance of winning this election? It's because you're going to tell people what they NEED to hear, while the person who gets elected is going to cheat his way past the finish line by telling everyone what they WANT to hear. But those elections promises are a fairy tale, and your election promises are going to be the reality that we all must face in the end if we are ever going to have a government that can work for the people. That is the Politician that I would want to back. The one who learns a life lesson by telling us the dirty underhanded truth about our government, not the one who gets the election handed to him on a silver platter because he has the most money. Sometimes losing can build character along the way. Sometimes life doesn't give us what we want so it can shape us into a better human being. This campaign race is no longer about winning an election. It's about finding our true selves as a society. So it's time to saddle in, Kosuke-san, because you are about to be in it for the long haul.

CUT TO:

INT. NHK WORLD JAPAN NEWS STATION

REPORTER:

Starting his Campaign for Prime Minister of Japan today, we are shocked to announce that recluse mangaka Kosuke Fujishima is coming forward to the public to throw in his bid. So tell me Kosuke-san... your Twitter Feeds have been disturbing barren of any type of social commentary ever since your marriage to Nekomu Otogi and the Lawsuit got scandalized over the news. Why this? Why now? What could you possibly be hoping to achieve?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Well it's like this... when the Creative Team at Kodansha Ltd first pitched me this idea for a Political Campaign, I was like, "Are you fucking insane?"... but then I remembered the Trump Administration and it hit me... there is no conceivable way possible for me to fuck up on the job and do any worse than what Donald Trump did, I can tell you that. So my wife is thirty years younger than me. Let me ask you, when Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro were having children announced in the news at their old ages, did you go out and scandalize them? When Leonardo DiCaprio was dating twenty year old women, did anybody really care at all? And when the First Lady in the White House, Melania Trump, became the first lady in history to have Nude Modeling Photos in a Porno Magazine, did anybody in America Flinch? It's a solid gold deal really. If anything it's a Suicide Mission. I'll tell you right now, what are my plans for Prime Minister when I win the election? Nothing. If it ain't broke then don't fix it.

REPORTER:

So your plans for Prime Minister are to DO NOTHING?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

No, I'm saying that ALL of the Candidates Plans for Prime Minister are to DO NOTHING. We're all thinking it, I'm just saying it on the News. The only qualifications I need to do this fucking job is to hold a pen and put ink signatures to paper. Just like Shinzo Abe did before me. 

REPORTER:

Right... you are aware that's why they took Shinzo Abe out back and shot him aren't you?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

I've got the Goddesses of Fate on my side. Bullets are supposed to bounce off of me like Rubber Bullets being fired at a SWAT Team. 

REPORTER:

So your plan is to Campaign for Prime Minister of Japan... and not do anything at all.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

If it suits your fancy, I could remodel the Kantei so that it's laced in Black and Gold like Scarface with a Mountain of Cocaine spread out over my Desk. Actually, now that we're discussing it, there is one thing that I'd like to do. I've got a plan to bring all Homicide Cases in the Nation of Japan to a Grinding Halt.

REPORTER:

And now you believe you can stop murder?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Even better. I'm going to STOP Murder Investigations Altogether.

REPORTER:

Isn't that the same as Legalizing Murder?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

In a sense, yes, but I've got this Special Crime Fighting Technique that I've been wanting to try out for years. Allow me to pitch this to you. It's called The Doublet System. Every time a Police Officer murders a Criminal on the Job without giving him Due Process through the Court System, instead of punishing that particular Police Officer, we are going to pick a completely different Police Officer totally at random, take him out into the middle of the Streets, and Gun his ass down in Cold Blood like a North Korean Firing Squad. Then we're going to leave the body sitting there for everyone to see like the Severed Heads on Game of Thrones.

REPORTER:

Oh My Goddess. So not only is your Campaign running on a Bill to Legalize Murder... but you're also going to start killing Random Police Officers like an Eye for an Eye.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

No, not Legalize Murder... we're just going to Cancel all Homicide Investigations and put all of the Homicide Detectives on the Unemployment Lines. And I'll tell you why. Because whenever some punk murders somebody. We're going to take some random family member that they are going to miss, and then we're going to have the Police execute their ass in the middle of the street like a North Korean Firing Squad. And then we're going to leave his body lying out in the road for the General Public. You see? There's a sense of symmetrical logic going on here. The Door swings both ways. It's called The Doublet System. The only way that Both Police Officers and Civilians can learn to co-exist beside one another is if the killing just stops Cold Turkey.

REPORTER:

But Murder happens... it just does... it's Human Nature. You can't just cancel all Homicide Investigations. That would be like taking the Nation of Japan back to the Wild Wild West days of America.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

If the Goddesses and Demons can learn to get along, then so can the rest of the Human Race.

REPORTER:

Are we 100% percent sure you didn't steal your idea for The Double System from a Rutger Hauer Mimi Rogers movie called Wedlock? In the movie, all of the prisoners are wearing Exploding Collars that are linked to each other at random. If one prisoner escapes, his collar explodes along with his wedlock partner. And because nobody knows who their partner is, everyone is afraid to escape. Hence it becomes a prison with no need for gates or walls to keep everyone in.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

I have never seen Wedlock in my life. I swear to you it's a total coincidence.

REPORTER:

Right... and Tom McLoughlin's Date with an Angel wasn't the real inspiration for the Oh My Goddess Manga. Before we go, perhaps you could lend us your perspective on the state of Political Campaigns over in America?

KOSUKE FUJISIMA:

It's called The Illusion of Division that Shields the Unification of Selfish Intentions. When you watch the GOP fight the Democrats it is always presented to you on Television as Pure Self Righteous Evil vs Incompetent with the Best of Intentions Good, and you believe there is a Good vs Evil dynamic going on. In Reality, both parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, work for the Same Team and have the Exact Same Goals, they are all out to Fuck Over the American Public to Further Their Own Selfish Careers. So the Good vs Evil Dynamic that you are watching on Television is actually a Facade, a Total Illusion designed to Trick You during the Election. Because it doesn't matter who wins the Elections when both sides are Out to Get You. All of the Congressman are under the Greek Muse Influence of Demons. Not just the GOP, but the Democrats too. It's not one side vs the other. It's both of them at the same time. The Illusion of Division between the Two Parties that Hides their Unification showcasing that they are secretly working together to Selfishly Further their own Careers. Does all of this make sense to you now?

REPORTER:

Well that about wraps things up for today. This has been Future Prime Minister Prospect Kosuke Fujishima reporting to you live. What's your campaign slogan again?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

"Kosuke-san! So he's a Pedo Bigamist, at least he's not Donald Trump!"

REPORTER:

That's an Honest Critique if I've ever heard one. And we do appreciate Honesty in Politics. Stay Tuned, more News at 11pm.

CUT TO:

INT. KOSUKE FUJISHIMA'S APARMENT - DAY

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA wakes up.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Oh wowzers. I just had the most wonderful dream. I dreamed I was running for Prime Minister of Japan... and I was free to say whatever the fuck I wanted. Wait, was that a dream, or was that real? What the fuck am I going to do if I win the election?

NEKOMU OTOGI:

That's never going to happen.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Hey I could win the Election if I really tried. The only qualifications one needs to do the Prime Minister's Job is to hold a pen and put ink to paper signatures.

NEKOMU OTOGI:

Oh sure you could. If you actually ran for Election.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Are you telling me that entire News Report was a Dream?

NEKOMU OTOGI:

What News Report? What are you talking about?

CUT TO:

EXT. KODANSHA LTD BUILDING - DAY

CUT TO:

INT. YOSHINOBU NOMA'S OFFICE - DAY

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

What do you mean we're not running for Election? I could just swear it was so real!

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Are you feeling okay? Why would our office ever finance a political campaign for Prime Minister of Japan based on you? Is this some kind of practical joke?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

But I could be Prime Minister if I really wanted!

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Oh you could, could you! And I suppose you could also run this company too if you tried! Is that it? Are you gunning for my job you Wise Cracker! Because I'm not keen on retiring any time soon you Slacker Asshole! So tell me Kosuke-san! What's your campaign slogan again?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

"Kosuke-san! So he's a Pedo Bigamist, at least he's not Donald Trump!"

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Okay I could actually see that working.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

What?!! Gag Me a Fuck River! I knew it! I knew it! The Goddesses are calling out to me and they want me to be Prime Minister! They want me to instill the Doublet System on Japan!

YOSHINOBU NOMA:

Oh you you you! Back to work with you and your goddamn motorcycles on Toppu GP! Go back to your damn glue models for the love of God, just do anything other than running the Nation of Japan please for the mercy of the Human Race! All of those Model Glue Fumes have finally gone to your head! You Glue Sniffer!

CUT TO:

EXT. KODANSHA LTD BUILDING - DAY

CUT TO:

INT. PSYCHIATRIST OFFICE - DAY

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Skuld... you've got to help me. I keep suffering from the same recurring nightmare over and over again. And now it's reached the point where I can't tell which reality is real anymore. Every time I go to sleep I wake up switching back and forth between the Dream World and the Real World.

SKULD:

Very Interesting. Well you've come to the right place Kosuke-san. The Incredible Super Psychoanalyst Skuld is on the case. So tell me Kosuke-san. What is this Alternate Reality that you keep seeing in your nightmares?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

My boss Yoshinobu Noma believes he's turning into High Society Vampire of the Dracula Corporate world, and now he's taking it out on me, like I've become his own personal pet project. He's projecting his own delusions of grandeur onto my own life. Every time I wake up in this dimension, Yoshinobu Noma is under the impression that he's financially backing my campaign to run for Prime Minister of Japan, only he doesn't want me to actually win the election, he just wants to see me fuck with the general public's minds for sick laughs because he knows that putting myself and my private life on display in front of the entire nation of Japan is my worst nightmare come true.

SKULD:

Right then... and in this Recurring Nightmare... who is your political running mate? Is it Nekomu Otogi?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Even worse. It's Mitsuo Iwata.

SKULD:

Your political running mate is Mister Ganchan from The Adventures of Mini-Goddess? Damn dude... that show is almost Twenty Five Years Old by now. Remember the episode where all of the Rats in Tarhiki Hongan Temple held their own Election and Mara Marller turned the whole thing into a Mud Slinging Backstabbing Political War?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

So what do you make of this Skuld? Is there any hope left for me? Do you even believe me at all.

SKULD:

It's a very good question isn't it Kosuke-san? How can you tell the difference between your Reality and your Recurring Nightmares? I'll give you a hint. Am I a real person? Or is Skuld a fictional illusion of your imagination? I thought so. Kosuke-san, I believe what we have here is not a case of Work Stress Related Nightmares, nor is it some kind of Mental Illness or Illusion. In my professional opinion. You are suffering from a Incurable Case of Wacky Go Lucky. It's Cuckoo Village for you Mangaka Boy. Just like the movie Slaughterhouse Five, you have become Unstuck between two different alternate dimensions. In one dimension, you are Kosuke Fujishima, the mangaka of Ah My Goddess and Toppu GP. And in the Alternate Universe, you are the Political Candidate Running for Prime Minister of Japan. All that matters now is finding a way out that perfectly suits your life agenda. Which Universe is the Right Universe FOR YOU?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Well obviously the one with my wife and child are the right universe.

SKULD:

Yes, but does Nekomu Otogi and your child exist in both Universes. And in which universe would you dedicate the most of your time to them?

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

Well obviously the original one where I'm still a mangaka.

SKULD:

Kosuke-san... just because you are running for Prime Minister of Japan does not mean that you cease to be a mangaka. All of your work is out there for the world to see, and the writing is already on the wall. It's not like your past work will cease to exist if you reach a crossroads designed to lead you down a different path in life. If you think about it logically, both positions of Mangaka and Prime Minister only require that you think outside the box and put ink to paper with your signatures. So I guess what I'm asking is: Which universe would you be happier in? The universe where you are despised by the general public because you are an elected official... or the original universe where you are despised by the general public because of your lousy relationship skills with women. Never Forget that Heavy Hangs the Crown and Ultimately when it comes to the problems of a Nation, the Buck Stops With You. That's exactly why they took Shinzo Abe out back and shot him.

KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:

If your insinuation is that I suffer from the same problems in both realities... then... Wacky Go Lucky may be right... what's the difference between this reality and the next one if I'm the same person in both of them?

SKULD:

The difference could only be your happiness and your peace of mind. Ultimately, all human beings only exist upon this earth for a very short time and it is up to them to decide how to make the most out of their lives and how they will be remembered. Do you want to be remembered as a man whom Japan knew practically nothing about beyond the relationship scandals that were publicized in the news? Or do you want to go out as the man who took one last shot at a Society Gone Wrong in front of the entire nation where everyone could see it? It's a hundred percent Wacky Go Lucky my old friend.

KOSUKE FUJISMA:

So... Wacky Go Lucky it is then...

ROLL THE CREDITS

FADE OUT: