AH MY GODDESS: WACKY GO LUCKY
Written by
Kevin Neece
FADE IN:
EXT. JAPANESE RESTAURANT - NIGHT
CUT TO:
INT. JAPANESE RESTAURANT - TABLE
There's a mirror on the wall in the background of an otherwise near empty family owned restaurant. Kodansha Ltd CEO YOSHINOBU NOMA is sitting at a table, exhausted, bitter, depressed, slumped over his meal, with an empty can of Dr Pepper sitting next to his glass. He isn't eating. He's just staring at his food like he's daydreaming.
JOHN CLEESE:
Excuse me sir... but I couldn't help but notice... are you aware that you have no reflection?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
I'm sorry, did you just say "no reflection"?
JOHN CLEESE:
That mirror, on the wall over there. You're not casting a reflection.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Really? Are you sure that's not just the other side of the room?
JOHN CLEESE:
Quite positive. You see me waving over there. Hello! And there's your fork floating in mid-air. And then there's nothing. Nothing at all. It's like you're a ghost.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Are you sure that's not some kind of trick mirror?
JOHN CLEESE:
Do we look like the kind of establishment that can afford trick mirrors?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
So you're saying that I really have no reflection?
JOHN CLEESE:
Well, it does raise cause for concern. Might you be a Vampire sir?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Of course not... Why would I be a Vampire?
JOHN CLEESE:
It is very late in the evening sir, and the sun has gone down, and you, being here without a reflection, it just stands out to notice sir.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
So I work late nights at the office. So what of it? I'm not Count Orlock. I don't thirst for blood. I'm not a creature of the night.
JOHN CLEESE:
Does your lawyer do the work for you, sir?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Sometimes... no wait... I didn't say that.
JOHN CLEESE:
So you're a High Society Vampire. A Dracula of the Corporate World.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
I'm not ANY kind of Vampire! Look! I'm eating General Tso's Chicken. Mmm, see! I like General Tso's Chicken! Yummy!
JOHN CLEESE:
Might I retrieve you a cup of pig's blood to wash it down, sir?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
No no... I've got my Dr Pepper... and my General Tso's Chicken... I'm fine... honestly.
JOHN CLEESE:
But you still don't have a reflection.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Just what are you implying here?
JOHN CLEESE:
Well, today it's your reflection... by tomorrow you could be completely invisible.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Get out of here.
JOHN CLEESE:
Do you know of ANY Vampires that you might have come into contact with?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
The only bloodsucker creature of the night that we have working on our staff is that goddamn Mangaka who made Ah My Goddess and Toppu GP!
JOHN CLEESE:
I see... and this Japanese Mangaka... does he cast a reflection? Would you describe this man as Animal, Vegetable, or Mineral?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Pedophile.
JOHN CLEESE:
Ouch... that's not something you say in polite conversation.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Whoever said Kosuke-san made for polite conversation? Do you see him eating in Fancy Restaurants?
JOHN CLEESE:
You just insinuated that this man might be a Sexual Deviant.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Insinuate nothing! He is a Sexual Deviant! And I should know, we can smell our own! This man has clearly been masturbating to motorcycle magazines nonstop since he was a teenager and has shown no signs of stopping! Can you imagine taking that Emergency Operator's Phone Call? Hello, Operator, we need a Patrol Car down to the Parking Garage at Kodansha Ltd. Some man just got his Penis stuck in a Motorcycle Gas Tank, we may need the Jaws of Life to free him! Over! Try keeping that out of the Japanese Trade Papers. Our Publicity Department must have the willpower of a Saint!
JOHN CLEESE:
Then the only conclusion that I can come to is that somebody may have cursed you.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Gee Willickers... I wonder who that could be...
JOHN CLEESE:
It sounds like you already know.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Please... just let me eat my General Tso's Chicken in Peace.
JOHN CLEESE:
Are you really not concerned about this anomaly?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Trust me. This is just another Tuesday at the Goddess Hotline Office.
JOHN CLEESE:
Good Lord... have you no self-respect for what might be happening to you?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
It's a reflection. I use it for practically nothing. It's like Peter Pan and his Shadow.
BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:
Excuse me! Hello! Are you aware that you have no reflection?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
So I've recently been informed.
BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:
Wow! I've always wanted to meet a Vampire!
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
I'm not a Vampire!
JOHN CLEESE:
Not yet anyways... it's possible that right now he's only Half Vampire... it's the Lawyers... hard to take credit for the fresh nightly kills when the Company Lawyers do all the work...
BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:
What if I take a Selfie? Will you still show up on camera? Are you the invisible man?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
I'm not invisible just yet... but I might as well be... this is the most attention I've gotten from the general public in years.
BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:
You know... my old college roommate Martha Vineyard! She once knew a Vampire named Jerry!
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
She did not!
BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:
She did!
JOHN CLEESE:
Oh, you dirty little titty twister! I see what you're trying to do here! You're just trying to jump on the bandwagon!
BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:
I never!
JOHN CLEESE:
You did! You just walked in on my discovery of the year and now you're trying to steal this man's spotlight! He's my Nosferatu Creature of the Night! I saw him first!
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Let's put this to a vote. All in favor of paying my check, say I!
BRUCE MCCOLLUCH:
Excuse me. I'm not paying your check.
JOHN CLEESE:
It's my restaurant. If you eat my General Tso's Chicken I'm afraid you are going to have to pay for it. Reflection or No Reflection. We do not give discounts for Vampirism.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
I'm a senior citizen.
JOHN CLEESE:
We don't cater to the elderly either.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
That's okay I've got Visa, Mastercard, American Express, Diner's Club.
JOHN CLEESE:
Buggerfucktwat! It just occurred to me! How are we going to prove this to anyone?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.
JOHN CLEESE:
That's just the point. We can't take a picture because you're invisible!
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
No, I just fail to cast a reflection. My grandchildren are going to fucking love being around me this Halloween. Huzzah!
CUT TO:
EXT. JAPANESE RESTAURANT - NIGHT
CUT TO:
EXT KODANSHA LTD BUILDING - DAY
CUT TO:
INT. YOSHINOBU NOMA'S OFFICE - DAY
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
You rang for me Sir? Have I done anything wrong?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Kosuke-san... I'd like to have a fine little chat with you today. It's about your ambitions in life. Now I know you've been enjoying your work with Toppu GP and the Wife and Kid and all. But if there is one thing I've learned over the years of my life, it's that retirement is the number one killer of old people. Take a look at me for example. I'm never going to retire. Never. Never ever. Whoever's waiting in line after me is going to have to wait until I'm dragged away from this office in a Body Bag... nonetheless... you dig what I'm saying here?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
I'm not quite sure if I'm following you at all.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Don't you believe it's time that you've gathered just a little more ambition in life, Kosuke-san?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
I worked on that Devil's Bargain Ah My Goddess series for Thirty Years, believe me, my ambitions are spent.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Have you ever seen the Walter Hill movie, Brewster's Millions? Where Richard Pryor's Grandfather forces him to spend $30 Million in Thirty Days without gaining any Physical Assets so that he can inherit $300 Million? The point of the Grandfather's Stunt in the movie was to teach Richard Pryor about the Ethics and Responsibility of handling large sums of money.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
You want me to spend $30 Million in Thirty Days?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
No, but the gesture is about the same. I want to re-instill you with ambition in life. I want to find the man who made Keiichi Morisato a household name, to save him from the depths of depravity and scandal. I believe it's about time that somebody pulled you out of semi-retirement to saddle you with a little more responsibility in life. Just as a Father hands down the role of Manhood to his Son.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
This is getting a little bit weird. Trust me. I'm honored, really I am, but I've got enough responsibility right now with the Wife and the Kid and Toppu GP and posting my 7-11 Meals on Twitter and my Model Motorcycles and such.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Gee Willickers Kosuke-san. I have a wife too you know, and it's never stopped me from arriving here at work on time every day to sign your paychecks.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Point taken... what exactly did you want me to do?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
I want you to start caring about your life again, and the world of events that's going on around you. I sense a man that's been hiding from a world that's beyond his control. What happened to this man? His first series out the gate was about Slice of Life Adventures of Police Women on You're Under Arrest, and those women had Responsibility. And then he got caught up in that Devil's Bargain Ah My Goddess series for Thirty Years, only the difference being that those Goddesses were Slackers who sat back and let Keiichi Morisato do all the work for them. Kind of a thematic change in ideals don't you think? And then this man, this legendary mangaka... well... he disappeared. And don't think that we didn't notice your lack of response when the Prime Minister of Japan Shinzo Abe was assassinated. Just who the Holy Hell are you anymore? Are you even a man Fujishima... or are you a Mouse like Ganchan?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Just what the hell are you expecting me to do? You want me to comment more on the Media? That's the Matrix dude? Social Media News is all just a form of Propaganda and Control, even in the Nation of Japan. It's like we're a bunch of horses and the News Stations are the ones putting the blinders on us so our gaze can be steered in the direction of what they want us to see. What possibly change could I possibly hope to give society? Just what the hell am I supposed to do, run for the Prime Minister of Japan?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
You're forgetting something Kosuke-san, being Prime Minister is the easiest job to apply for on Earth. Technically, the only qualifications that you need are the ability to hold a pen and put ink to paper. By Golly by George! It just hit me! Like a Bolt of Lightning! Kosuke-san! That's exactly what you've been doing for the past Thirty Years!
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Are you fucking serious? You actually want ME, of all godforsaken people to run for Government Office! I've just been scandalized as a Bigamist and a Pedophile! No Campaign Team within a Hundred Miles is going to support my ass!
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
And that's exactly the point that we want to make. You went into hiding after you were scandalized. Big Fucking Whoop. But do you know who else gets scandalized every single time he's on the news? Ex-President Donald Trump. Now I'm not a supporter of Donald Trump, not at all. But I have to give him just a little credit. As a man who pisses off the entire world on a day to day basis, he still steps up to the plate and wants to take one for the team. And look at him, it's as if he's untouchable. Every single investigation lobbied against him is all just for show. It's a charade I tell you. So here's my idea. Don't become Prime Minister.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Well thank my Goddesses and Lucky Stars we can agree on that.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Oh we're still going to back your campaign for Prime Minister, I'm telling you, you're going to run for Public Office... and you are going to do everything in your power to Throw the Election out the window.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
I'm sorry, could you repeat that?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Remember the Warren Beatty movie Bulworth? Have you ever seen an event in Political History where somebody went out and intentionally said "Fuck it". Throwing away his election chances to speak the Godforsaken Outspoken Truth?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
So... your plan isn't for me to actual perform the Job of Prime Minister of Japan.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
That's right... wait for it... wait for it...
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
You just want me to Campaign for Prime Minister of Japan... and do whatever the fuck I want... while the News Media puts my entire private life on display?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Let's put it this way. I want you to tell the general public what you REALLY think of them on Mass Media News... and then I want you to walk away. Just like Richard Pryor did on Brewster's Millions when he ran a Campaign for Mayor called "None of the Above."
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
I can say ANYTHING I want on the News?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Anything you want.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
And Kodansha Ltd is going to foot the Campaign Bills?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
That's right.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
What about a Campaign Banner that reads "Kosuke-san for Prime Minister! Sure he's a Pedo Bigamist, but at least he's not Donald Trump!"
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Now you're talking. We should totally print that one up.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
And to think... I can finally take my Nekomu Otogi out in public again.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
First Lady of the White House Melania Trump used to Nude Model for Porno Magazines. What does Nekomu Otogi have to lose?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Suddenly I'm beginning to see a world of possibilities. Wait a minute. What am I saying here? Let's suppose that something goes wrong during the Campaign. Let's suppose that there's a one in a million chance that I actually WIN The election.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
That'll never happen. All of the Elections are rigged.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
But what if it did? What if we won the Election?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
I'm saying it won't. Your chances are Astronomical.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
But what if it did?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Aren't you the guy who decided he wanted to do the least amount of work for the most amount of money like Marlon Brando on Richard Donner's Superman?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
That would most definitely be me.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Excellent. That's exactly what Shinzo Abe did. Nothing. A Great Big Nothing. That's why they took him out back and shot him.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Exactly. I don't want to be taken out back and shot like Shinzo Abe. I gave Thirty Years of my Life to those Goddesses. Leslie Nielson and Steve Martin didn't hit their Career Heights until they were in their Fifties. I've still got a life to live. Steven Martin's still playing the Banjo and making Hit Streaming Series with Martin Short. What's my excuse?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
And that is the very point of this Campaign. You've got a life to live. And it's time for you to put yourself out there on the Barbeque Grill in front of the General Public and start living it again. What would Officer Natsumi Tsujimoto do if she were in your place?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
She would get shitface plastered before showing up on the job and throw up in her work locker before passing out.
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Perfect. Let's do that.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
You want me to get shitface drunk before my Campaign Speeches? Really?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Really really.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Couldn't we just donate the Campaign Money to a noble cause like the Kyoto Animation Donation Funds?
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Kosuke-san. Let me tell you something about Elections. Every election is a Rat Race, that we all know. And you of all people should know about Races, you've dedicated your entire life to them. From a thematic standpoint, motorcycle races aren't really all that different than election races other than they bring up the question of which one is more dangerous. A motorcycle race gone wrong can end your life within a split second heartbeat, but an election race gone wrong can destroy your life for the rest of your life if you sit back and let it. That's the problem with racing. There's only one goddamn winner every fucking time. Why is that? Why are we so dead set as a Society in celebrating the Winners when every race has twenty different people who didn't win at all? If there can only be one winner, then does that insinuate that we are all a bunch of Losers? Why do these racers choose to race when they know there can only be one winner? Has it ever stopped them from trying when they repeatedly lose race after race after race? Some people can go their entire lives without ever winning a race, but that doesn't stop them from trying. Why is that? Is winning an election as important as the journey of twists and turns and life lessons that take you there? Because just like a motorcycle race, one wrong turn in an election can kill you. But that doesn't stop people from trying. And it doesn't stop people from living when things don't go according to plan. Because that's life. Nothing ever goes according to plan, it's just one fuck up after another designed to teach all of us a bunch of bullshit morality tales and life lessons that shape us into the sad shell of a human being that we all secretly know we turned out to be. You want to know the real reason why you stand no chance of winning this election? It's because you're going to tell people what they NEED to hear, while the person who gets elected is going to cheat his way past the finish line by telling everyone what they WANT to hear. But those elections promises are a fairy tale, and your election promises are going to be the reality that we all must face in the end if we are ever going to have a government that can work for the people. That is the Politician that I would want to back. The one who learns a life lesson by telling us the dirty underhanded truth about our government, not the one who gets the election handed to him on a silver platter because he has the most money. Sometimes losing can build character along the way. Sometimes life doesn't give us what we want so it can shape us into a better human being. This campaign race is no longer about winning an election. It's about finding our true selves as a society. So it's time to saddle in, Kosuke-san, because you are about to be in it for the long haul.
CUT TO:
INT. NHK WORLD JAPAN NEWS STATION
REPORTER:
Starting his Campaign for Prime Minister of Japan today, we are shocked to announce that recluse mangaka Kosuke Fujishima is coming forward to the public to throw in his bid. So tell me Kosuke-san... your Twitter Feeds have been disturbing barren of any type of social commentary ever since your marriage to Nekomu Otogi and the Lawsuit got scandalized over the news. Why this? Why now? What could you possibly be hoping to achieve?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Well it's like this... when the Creative Team at Kodansha Ltd first pitched me this idea for a Political Campaign, I was like, "Are you fucking insane?"... but then I remembered the Trump Administration and it hit me... there is no conceivable way possible for me to fuck up on the job and do any worse than what Donald Trump did, I can tell you that. So my wife is thirty years younger than me. Let me ask you, when Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro were having children announced in the news at their old ages, did you go out and scandalize them? When Leonardo DiCaprio was dating twenty year old women, did anybody really care at all? And when the First Lady in the White House, Melania Trump, became the first lady in history to have Nude Modeling Photos in a Porno Magazine, did anybody in America Flinch? It's a solid gold deal really. If anything it's a Suicide Mission. I'll tell you right now, what are my plans for Prime Minister when I win the election? Nothing. If it ain't broke then don't fix it.
REPORTER:
So your plans for Prime Minister are to DO NOTHING?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
No, I'm saying that ALL of the Candidates Plans for Prime Minister are to DO NOTHING. We're all thinking it, I'm just saying it on the News. The only qualifications I need to do this fucking job is to hold a pen and put ink signatures to paper. Just like Shinzo Abe did before me.
REPORTER:
Right... you are aware that's why they took Shinzo Abe out back and shot him aren't you?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
I've got the Goddesses of Fate on my side. Bullets are supposed to bounce off of me like Rubber Bullets being fired at a SWAT Team.
REPORTER:
So your plan is to Campaign for Prime Minister of Japan... and not do anything at all.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
If it suits your fancy, I could remodel the Kantei so that it's laced in Black and Gold like Scarface with a Mountain of Cocaine spread out over my Desk. Actually, now that we're discussing it, there is one thing that I'd like to do. I've got a plan to bring all Homicide Cases in the Nation of Japan to a Grinding Halt.
REPORTER:
And now you believe you can stop murder?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Even better. I'm going to STOP Murder Investigations Altogether.
REPORTER:
Isn't that the same as Legalizing Murder?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
In a sense, yes, but I've got this Special Crime Fighting Technique that I've been wanting to try out for years. Allow me to pitch this to you. It's called The Doublet System. Every time a Police Officer murders a Criminal on the Job without giving him Due Process through the Court System, instead of punishing that particular Police Officer, we are going to pick a completely different Police Officer totally at random, take him out into the middle of the Streets, and Gun his ass down in Cold Blood like a North Korean Firing Squad. Then we're going to leave the body sitting there for everyone to see like the Severed Heads on Game of Thrones.
REPORTER:
Oh My Goddess. So not only is your Campaign running on a Bill to Legalize Murder... but you're also going to start killing Random Police Officers like an Eye for an Eye.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
No, not Legalize Murder... we're just going to Cancel all Homicide Investigations and put all of the Homicide Detectives on the Unemployment Lines. And I'll tell you why. Because whenever some punk murders somebody. We're going to take some random family member that they are going to miss, and then we're going to have the Police execute their ass in the middle of the street like a North Korean Firing Squad. And then we're going to leave his body lying out in the road for the General Public. You see? There's a sense of symmetrical logic going on here. The Door swings both ways. It's called The Doublet System. The only way that Both Police Officers and Civilians can learn to co-exist beside one another is if the killing just stops Cold Turkey.
REPORTER:
But Murder happens... it just does... it's Human Nature. You can't just cancel all Homicide Investigations. That would be like taking the Nation of Japan back to the Wild Wild West days of America.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
If the Goddesses and Demons can learn to get along, then so can the rest of the Human Race.
REPORTER:
Are we 100% percent sure you didn't steal your idea for The Double System from a Rutger Hauer Mimi Rogers movie called Wedlock? In the movie, all of the prisoners are wearing Exploding Collars that are linked to each other at random. If one prisoner escapes, his collar explodes along with his wedlock partner. And because nobody knows who their partner is, everyone is afraid to escape. Hence it becomes a prison with no need for gates or walls to keep everyone in.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
I have never seen Wedlock in my life. I swear to you it's a total coincidence.
REPORTER:
Right... and Tom McLoughlin's Date with an Angel wasn't the real inspiration for the Oh My Goddess Manga. Before we go, perhaps you could lend us your perspective on the state of Political Campaigns over in America?
KOSUKE FUJISIMA:
It's called The Illusion of Division that Shields the Unification of Selfish Intentions. When you watch the GOP fight the Democrats it is always presented to you on Television as Pure Self Righteous Evil vs Incompetent with the Best of Intentions Good, and you believe there is a Good vs Evil dynamic going on. In Reality, both parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, work for the Same Team and have the Exact Same Goals, they are all out to Fuck Over the American Public to Further Their Own Selfish Careers. So the Good vs Evil Dynamic that you are watching on Television is actually a Facade, a Total Illusion designed to Trick You during the Election. Because it doesn't matter who wins the Elections when both sides are Out to Get You. All of the Congressman are under the Greek Muse Influence of Demons. Not just the GOP, but the Democrats too. It's not one side vs the other. It's both of them at the same time. The Illusion of Division between the Two Parties that Hides their Unification showcasing that they are secretly working together to Selfishly Further their own Careers. Does all of this make sense to you now?
REPORTER:
Well that about wraps things up for today. This has been Future Prime Minister Prospect Kosuke Fujishima reporting to you live. What's your campaign slogan again?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
"Kosuke-san! So he's a Pedo Bigamist, at least he's not Donald Trump!"
REPORTER:
That's an Honest Critique if I've ever heard one. And we do appreciate Honesty in Politics. Stay Tuned, more News at 11pm.
CUT TO:
INT. KOSUKE FUJISHIMA'S APARMENT - DAY
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA wakes up.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Oh wowzers. I just had the most wonderful dream. I dreamed I was running for Prime Minister of Japan... and I was free to say whatever the fuck I wanted. Wait, was that a dream, or was that real? What the fuck am I going to do if I win the election?
NEKOMU OTOGI:
That's never going to happen.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Hey I could win the Election if I really tried. The only qualifications one needs to do the Prime Minister's Job is to hold a pen and put ink to paper signatures.
NEKOMU OTOGI:
Oh sure you could. If you actually ran for Election.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Are you telling me that entire News Report was a Dream?
NEKOMU OTOGI:
What News Report? What are you talking about?
CUT TO:
EXT. KODANSHA LTD BUILDING - DAY
CUT TO:
INT. YOSHINOBU NOMA'S OFFICE - DAY
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
What do you mean we're not running for Election? I could just swear it was so real!
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Are you feeling okay? Why would our office ever finance a political campaign for Prime Minister of Japan based on you? Is this some kind of practical joke?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
But I could be Prime Minister if I really wanted!
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Oh you could, could you! And I suppose you could also run this company too if you tried! Is that it? Are you gunning for my job you Wise Cracker! Because I'm not keen on retiring any time soon you Slacker Asshole! So tell me Kosuke-san! What's your campaign slogan again?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
"Kosuke-san! So he's a Pedo Bigamist, at least he's not Donald Trump!"
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Okay I could actually see that working.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
What?!! Gag Me a Fuck River! I knew it! I knew it! The Goddesses are calling out to me and they want me to be Prime Minister! They want me to instill the Doublet System on Japan!
YOSHINOBU NOMA:
Oh you you you! Back to work with you and your goddamn motorcycles on Toppu GP! Go back to your damn glue models for the love of God, just do anything other than running the Nation of Japan please for the mercy of the Human Race! All of those Model Glue Fumes have finally gone to your head! You Glue Sniffer!
CUT TO:
EXT. KODANSHA LTD BUILDING - DAY
CUT TO:
INT. PSYCHIATRIST OFFICE - DAY
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Skuld... you've got to help me. I keep suffering from the same recurring nightmare over and over again. And now it's reached the point where I can't tell which reality is real anymore. Every time I go to sleep I wake up switching back and forth between the Dream World and the Real World.
SKULD:
Very Interesting. Well you've come to the right place Kosuke-san. The Incredible Super Psychoanalyst Skuld is on the case. So tell me Kosuke-san. What is this Alternate Reality that you keep seeing in your nightmares?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
My boss Yoshinobu Noma believes he's turning into High Society Vampire of the Dracula Corporate world, and now he's taking it out on me, like I've become his own personal pet project. He's projecting his own delusions of grandeur onto my own life. Every time I wake up in this dimension, Yoshinobu Noma is under the impression that he's financially backing my campaign to run for Prime Minister of Japan, only he doesn't want me to actually win the election, he just wants to see me fuck with the general public's minds for sick laughs because he knows that putting myself and my private life on display in front of the entire nation of Japan is my worst nightmare come true.
SKULD:
Right then... and in this Recurring Nightmare... who is your political running mate? Is it Nekomu Otogi?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Even worse. It's Mitsuo Iwata.
SKULD:
Your political running mate is Mister Ganchan from The Adventures of Mini-Goddess? Damn dude... that show is almost Twenty Five Years Old by now. Remember the episode where all of the Rats in Tarhiki Hongan Temple held their own Election and Mara Marller turned the whole thing into a Mud Slinging Backstabbing Political War?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
So what do you make of this Skuld? Is there any hope left for me? Do you even believe me at all.
SKULD:
It's a very good question isn't it Kosuke-san? How can you tell the difference between your Reality and your Recurring Nightmares? I'll give you a hint. Am I a real person? Or is Skuld a fictional illusion of your imagination? I thought so. Kosuke-san, I believe what we have here is not a case of Work Stress Related Nightmares, nor is it some kind of Mental Illness or Illusion. In my professional opinion. You are suffering from a Incurable Case of Wacky Go Lucky. It's Cuckoo Village for you Mangaka Boy. Just like the movie Slaughterhouse Five, you have become Unstuck between two different alternate dimensions. In one dimension, you are Kosuke Fujishima, the mangaka of Ah My Goddess and Toppu GP. And in the Alternate Universe, you are the Political Candidate Running for Prime Minister of Japan. All that matters now is finding a way out that perfectly suits your life agenda. Which Universe is the Right Universe FOR YOU?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Well obviously the one with my wife and child are the right universe.
SKULD:
Yes, but does Nekomu Otogi and your child exist in both Universes. And in which universe would you dedicate the most of your time to them?
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
Well obviously the original one where I'm still a mangaka.
SKULD:
Kosuke-san... just because you are running for Prime Minister of Japan does not mean that you cease to be a mangaka. All of your work is out there for the world to see, and the writing is already on the wall. It's not like your past work will cease to exist if you reach a crossroads designed to lead you down a different path in life. If you think about it logically, both positions of Mangaka and Prime Minister only require that you think outside the box and put ink to paper with your signatures. So I guess what I'm asking is: Which universe would you be happier in? The universe where you are despised by the general public because you are an elected official... or the original universe where you are despised by the general public because of your lousy relationship skills with women. Never Forget that Heavy Hangs the Crown and Ultimately when it comes to the problems of a Nation, the Buck Stops With You. That's exactly why they took Shinzo Abe out back and shot him.
KOSUKE FUJISHIMA:
If your insinuation is that I suffer from the same problems in both realities... then... Wacky Go Lucky may be right... what's the difference between this reality and the next one if I'm the same person in both of them?
SKULD:
The difference could only be your happiness and your peace of mind. Ultimately, all human beings only exist upon this earth for a very short time and it is up to them to decide how to make the most out of their lives and how they will be remembered. Do you want to be remembered as a man whom Japan knew practically nothing about beyond the relationship scandals that were publicized in the news? Or do you want to go out as the man who took one last shot at a Society Gone Wrong in front of the entire nation where everyone could see it? It's a hundred percent Wacky Go Lucky my old friend.
KOSUKE FUJISMA:
So... Wacky Go Lucky it is then...
ROLL THE CREDITS
FADE OUT:
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